It all started with Cameron saying, "I'm going to kick you in the penis!"
Actually that's probably not where it started. That's just the first thing I happened to overhear. My kids have been actively coming up with taunts and insults for each other pretty much since they were first able to talk. At first I worried that they were bullies in the making, but then I realized that boys just do that kind of crap. They have huge, compassionate hearts - especially for each other - but you'd never realize it to hear them banter back and forth.
"I'll kick you in the brain," Coby countered.
I was just around the corner, just out of sight. There was no tempering of the threats because Mom was listening; only the amusing exchange between a six-year-old and his four-year-old brother.
"I'll stick your gums to the ground," Cameron said.
Coby's turn: "I'll tie your mouth to a tree."
Amused, I started hastily scribbling down each new "menacing" threat. These were too good to forget.
"I'll stick your head to a tall tree and cut your body off."
"I'll break your self!"
"I'll break your whole head. Including your body."
"I'll throw you to America."
"I'll throw you to the earth's core where there's lava!"
It kept up, without a single pause. "I'll smash your face into the ground until it gets stuck!"
"I'll throw you into space without a helmet!"
(Side note: if these kids actually possess the physical prowess to carry out said threats, they'd better be raking in the dough as professional athletes and supporting their parents. Just sayin'.)
"I'll lock you in a shark's mouth!"
"I'll lock your lips up!"
At that point I decided to make my presence known. "Why are you guys saying such ugly things to each other?" I asked.
"We're talking like wrestlers!" Coby explained gleefully. "Because we're enemies!"
"Yeah!" Cameron chimed in. "Arch ones!" Then he turned back to the business at hand. "Coby, you're the meanest guy ever. I heard you get revenge on butterflies."