Thanks and Thangs

There's a lot to be thankful for - not just at Thanksgiving, but every day. Being alive, for example: I kinda like it. And all the other things everybody says when you ask them, like family. Friends. Health. We take tons of stuff for granted, truly.

But there are other things to be thankful for. Smaller, but equally meaningful and worth appreciating.

I'm thankful, for example, that I don't naturally look like this:


I mean ... no offense if your teeth are actually like that but it's not really a good look on me.

- I'm thankful for the times when my toddler squirts mustard all over the cat and his mattress while I'm putting sheets in the laundry, and climbs the counter to put his fingers in a freshly-baked Thanksgiving pumpkin pie, and scribbles on his brother's homework (yes, this all happened this morning). Why am I thankful for that? Because it reminds me that he is my LAST BABY* and that I'm almost done with this crap.

*Unless my husband keeps postponing his vasectomy like he has for, oh, two years now.

- I'm thankful for the Internet, so I don't have to go to the library to find the answers to my burning questions about "why are my dog's nipples so big" and "best ways to remove chin hair."

- But I'm also thankful that the Internet was not around when I was a dorky little kid.

- I'm thankful that no matter what I'm wearing or how crappy my hair looks, there's always somebody at school pick-up that is wearing something worse. Like sweatpants and a crop top and slippers.

- I'm thankful that my pets can't talk about the times when they're trapped in the bathroom with me while I stand in front of the mirror naked and jiggle my various parts to see just how wobbly they've become.

- Let's extend the previous "I'm thankful" to include when I stand in front of the mirror naked and dramatically lip sync to Iggy Azalea songs. What? Don't pretend you don't do it. (And if you don't, you totally should. But only in front of your pets. Like a black wi-dow bay-beeee!)

- I'm thankful for comfy things like my couch and my pillows and those big-ass fuzzy socks with pictures of cats on them. And elastic waistbands in my Thanksgiving pants because ALL THE TURKEY.

- Speaking of deliciousness, I'm thankful for pizza. Because even the worst pizza is still pretty damn good.

- I'm thankful for my mad poetry skillz so that I can write Thanksgiving poems like this one.


Whether you're celebrating Thanksgiving or not, I hope you have a lot to be grateful for. Happy Turkey Day, y'all!

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