Comin' Back and Movin' On

It's 2016, which sounds like I should be writing this from a colony on Planet Zebulon X86 while people whiz by my window with jetpacks on. Doesn't it? TWO THOUSAND SIXTEEN. I remember when I was like seven and I thought 1999 sounded so far away and now here I am, in 2016, still thinking about how 1999 is so far away but in the other direction this time. Ugh.

Anyway, I've decided to make a blogging comeback this year. And by "comeback" I mean "write a new post once in a damn while." For years, I posted regularly here. Some posts were gold, some were absolute crap, but there was always something. And then a series of events happened and apparently I am not good at handling the unexpected. First I wrote this little post that went suuuuuuuper-viral - on my site initially, then again on Scary Mommy. I still count that among one of the best experiences of my entire life, ranking right up there with the birth of my children and the time I scared the hiccups out of my sister. I had never had anything go viral before, and it was thrilling. The response was almost entirely positive: no hate mail, no threats, no ugliness, just people laughing along and saying, "I can relate!" which was the whole reason I started this blog in the first place.

But the positive response was also a bad thing, because it set an unrealistic precedent for me. Because the next time one of my posts went viral, thanks to The Huffington Post picking it up, things got downright ugly. I cried for two days. I took that shit personally. I didn't realize that this was more along the lines of "normal" - that usually, when a post grows legs, they stomp all over you. The citizens of the Internet can be mean, y'all, especially because people don't hold back when they're speaking to your computer screen and not your face.

Having gone through all this, I figured it meant I was professional enough to go to a real blogging conference with other actual bloggers. And I loved it - on a personal level. I met tons of amazing people, many of whom I'd been reading for years. I met, for the first time in real life, someone who instantly felt like a bestie: Hannah Mayer of sKIDmarks (who you should check out right now, if you enjoying laughing so hard you dribble pee). The conference was awesome. I felt inspired! I was gonna grab the blogging world by the balls!

And then I came home. And tried to process all the information I had learned. And was totally, completely, utterly overwhelmed. So I more or less began a slow process of shutting down (although not before writing a pretty sweet post with tips on pooping in a public restroom. Because this blog is nothing if not informative). You know how sometimes when you have a huge task in front of you, all you want to do is sit and eat cookies and ignore it? Yeah. It's been like that.

But here I am, in 2016 (zoom! Bleep!) and I have decided that numbers don't matter. Mass appeal doesn't matter. If I can write things that a few people find funny or relatable, then fantastic! Hit me up and let me know you feel me! If I write a bunch of garbage-y gobbledygook, whatever - at least I'm writing. I like writing too much to not do it.

Anyway, I've got a lot to write about. For starters: I GOT NEW CARPET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you've been reading for a while, you know that I've been complaining about my carpet for years (and you know some of the heinous things that have happened to it). Because it was horrible when we moved in and four boys and a veritable Noah's Ark of pets made it even more horrible. See for yourself in this lovely side-by-side comparison photo I took:


See that torn spot, where the sub-floor is peeking - okay, gaping - through? That's not just a casualty of the carpet-layers, something that happened while the new carpet was going in. Oh, no. That torn spot had been there for like three years. Plaguing me. Taunting me. A daily eyesore on the way into our bedroom. And it wasn't the only spot: the carpet was ripped, frayed, and stained everywhere else, too. I tried constantly to deep-clean it and keep it vacuumed and strategically place rugs over the worn spots, but, well ... you can't polish a turd.

Now, though - oh, happy day! I have a carpet I can be proud of! A carpet specifically designed for lots of wear and tear and kids and pets! A carpet I can lay down and writhe around on like I'm making snow angels and sniff deeply and know that I'm inhaling nothing but cleanliness (okay, and maybe some carpet fibers, but at least they're clean). If you had told sixteen-year-old me that I'd ever be this level of geeked about home improvements, I'd have wailed in anguish that I never wanted to grow up and be that lame. But here I am. Laming away ON MY NEW CARPET.

And then???

Less than one month after the glorious arrival of my new carpet, my husband was offered his dream job. In Ohio. Which, for the record is seven hours away. Which means ...

We're moving.

We're moving away from our home here in Iowa, that I love. Our friends. Our neighbors, who are also friends. AND MY NEW CARPET.

To add insult to injury, we have to put in new kitchen and bathroom flooring before we can sell the house. So basically, we'll be doing everything I have wanted to do for eons, but just so someone else can use it.

Y'all are going to have to help me through this. Good thing we'll be chatting on a more regular basis now. :)

37 comments:

  1. I look forward to all of your posts, whether they're gobbledygook or viral posts! Congratulations on the new carpet, enjoy it while it lasts! Congratulations to your husband on the new job. I'm sorry that you have to move, it will be stressful, exhausting, and exciting! But keep blogging along the way!

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    1. You are so sweet, Laura! Thank you! I feel like I'm getting back in my groove again. FINALLY. Now if I can just feel that way about the move too ... :)

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  2. So glad you're back! I've checked almost everyday and was afraid something was wrong. Enjoy the new carpet and congrats on the hubby's new job.

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    1. Oh my gosh - sorry to worry you! Ha! Thanks for checking on me. I'm fine, just boring. :)

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  3. I have missed your posts!! (and you and your entire family) I am so glad there will be more for me to look forward to reading! Still not on board with the moving though but hey 7 hours is doable (eventually)

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    1. We miss you too! Terribly! I'm still not on board with the moving either. LOL. But I guess I kinda have to get that way. Thank goodness for Facebook and Skype, huh?!

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  4. Harper
    Yours was the first blog that I began reading on a regular basis, and I've missed you! I look forward to reading all about your impending relocation; you will have no shortage of good material, for sure. We've recently relocated as well. SUCKED! We have been in our new home for 4 months now, and just recently I've been feeling settled. Coming to Ohio was coming back home for me, but the process was rough regardless. My husband lived away from me and our kids for nearly 9 months, coming back to Michigan on the weekends. Very difficult in several ways! If you will be anywhere close to the Cleveland/Akron/Canton area, I'd be happy to lend a hand or an ear! Just let me know :) Good luck with everything!

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    1. My husband's job is in Huron, so not TOO far from Cleveland (but closer to Sandusky). I cannot IMAGINE Curtis being gone for nine months - I don't know how you handled it for that long! The thought literally terrifies me! You must have amazing coping skills. :)

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    2. All I can say is one day at a time. Huron is about an hour and 20 min from me and 30 min from my parents (where) I grew up :) Seriously if you need anything, let me know!

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  5. I love ALL your posts and I am happy you are back!

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  6. We've moved seven times in our married life. I totally get the "improving the house for someone else." It stinks! Our latest move was to Ohio. I'm in the Cincinnati area so let me know if I can help.

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    1. Ahhh! Nice! I love to see the Ohioans chiming in, since I'm going to be one (and will be one for the rest of my life, because I AM NEVER EVER EVER MOVING AGAIN. EVER). We're moving close to Sandusky, to the Huron area. I hope Ohio is as awesome as the people seem to be. :)

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  7. Good luck with the move! Sorry about your carpet though.

    I'm glad you're writing more. I love what you write. And I think it's so cool that you went viral. That's still one of my goals. I've had some posts shared a few hundred times, but that's about it. And yes, I've had some rude comments on those posts, but I've learned to remind myself that some people are just rude asses. Still. It can sting.

    I need to go to a blog conference one day. I'd love to meet you!

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    1. I would love to meet you too Amber! Did I ever tell you that you were the one who inspired me to start an actual BLOG? I had been doing the MySpace blog thing, but I loved that you had a real blog outside of a social networking site. You have always inspired me. If you're going to go to a blog conference, I definitely recommend BlogU - it's smaller and intimate and you can make lots of connections. Oh and PS - you will go viral when you LEAST EXPECT IT. I promise. My advice? Don't read the comments. :)

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  8. I can't count how many times I've shown your posts to my husband & told him he HAD to read it, because it's exactly like I could have written it! I love my boys, but they do make for some interesting times!! Keep up the good work!

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    1. You are so sweet!! I sometimes feel like I'm just blathering on about boring crap and nobody cares ... and then comments like this remind me that someone out there is in the same boat. Thank you. :)

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  9. Always love reading you!

    The move sounds a bit stressful- moving always is. I gave my husband a death stare when he suggested moving, even though he only wanted to move a half hour away.

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    1. A half-hour or half a country away, moving sucks. I never realized how much STUFF one family can accumulate over the course of a few years. Ugh!

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  10. I read your posts before they went viral, and I'll read them while they keep going viral. Or not. Either way, I'm reading. And if Curtis's job should happen to bring you to the tri-state area some time in the future, feel free to hit me up for a guided tour! :) Good luck on the big move. I know how much of a royal pain in the ass that can be.... Especially with a family! God speed! Zumba the stress out! :)

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    1. Bryna! You've been with me for a long time. :) I'm glad you're sticking around. And as far as Zumba, I'm totally going to miss my class here but I'm going to find one as SOON as I get there!

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  11. So glad you're back to blogging! It will be a great stress-reliever while you're packing up, moving in, and settling down! Yay YOU!

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    1. I'm glad to be back. And I'm glad you're going with us. I love you Mom! :)

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  12. Glad you're back :)
    Good luck with the move and the renovations... that does not sound like fun

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    1. It's not so far, and I have the feeling it's going to continue to suck. I'll just be glad when it's over. :)

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  13. You're back! About bloody time too! You're a writer Rita - you write for YOU. We all just happen to enjoy the verbal diarrhea! :-)

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    1. Thank you, Cathi! I appreciate your comment so much. It's good to know someone missed me. :)

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  14. Was so excited to finally get a frumpy email this morning!I missed you!

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    1. Aw, thanks, Rachel! You'll be getting them a lot more frequently ... that's my plan, anyway. :)

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  15. Oh No! Isn't that exactly how life is??? Fresh new carpet and then you have to leave it behind. But at least there are dream jobs involved and just think someone is making their house all spiffy so that you guys can move in!

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    1. So true! I never thought of it that way! I just hope whoever moves in here loves this house as much as I have, and do. And when I move into someone else's house, I'll do the same. :)

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  16. Just saw an article on the today show a few weeks ago that said the 3 biggest stresses in life were death, divorce, and moving. Wish I could be more helpful, but I'm just keepin it real. Best wishes to you and your family.

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  17. So glad you are back. I've been checking about once a week and had almost given up. Getting new carpet right before you move is classic and exactly what I imagine will happen to me with my out of commission shower. Sorry you have to move.

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  18. I love your blog! I have three boys (so far) and so appreciate your honesty and hilarious stories. Keep them coming!

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  19. OH. MY. GAWWWW. You are moving? And I'm basically kicking myself because you are now moving and we have never even met.

    Can we please get coffee (or wine, or whatever) before you leave?

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