When Mom's Away ...

So last night when I came home from the gym, the first thing Colin says to me is, "Mommy, Coby pooped on the floor!" He pointed to a dim corner of the living room, where there appeared to be a lone turd just chillin' on the carpet.

I couldn't say I was surprised (which is actually pretty sad when you think about it), but I was irritated. After all, it's not like I'd left them here to fend for themselves. There was an adult present. So where was said adult while all this carpet-pooping was going on?

"Where's Daddy?" I demanded.

Before I could get an answer from the kids, Curtis came strolling casually out of our bedroom.

I pointed accusingly at the turd from across the room. "Uh, Coby pooped on the floor?" It was posed as a simple question, but really, it was "where the hell were you when all this was going on and why in the name of all that is holy did you wait for me to come home and clean it the eff up?"

Curtis just glanced at the turd and let out a chuckle and a shrug. "Heh. Well, he was running around without a diaper for a few minutes." And then, instead of being like, "Sorry about that - I'll clean it up," he just walked in the opposite direction. Like he wasn't going to do anything about it.

Time for a tirade.

"So you were aware of this, right?" I shrieked as I headed for the paper towels. "I mean, I'm sure Colin said something, didn't he? So you just ... left it for me to take care of?" I angrily yanked a few off the roll. "Because Mom takes care of all the nasty stuff, right? I can't believe that nobody in this house but me is capable of cleaning up messes." I stomped indignantly over to the poop. "It's one thing for you not to prevent it in the first place, but then to just leave it here for me ... to ..."

Wait a second. Something was weird.

I switched on the lamp.

The hysterical laughter from my boys and my husband alike confirmed my suspicion: it wasn't poop at all! It was a toilet paper tube, dampened and torn up and pressed back together into a turd-like shape.

Apparently, when there are a bunch of dudes alone in your house, they watch videos like this on YouTube:

... And then decide to test it out on poor unsuspecting Mom.

Why do I have the feeling it will only get worse from here on out?


  1. They know you're pregnant right? That's a whole other level of wrath.

    (Now, if you'll excuse me, the 12-year-old boy that I am needs to go snicker in the other room.)

  2. Jessica Armstrong LasaOctober 27, 2011 at 10:34 AM

    HAHAHAHAH! That's great! Mainly because you were so not even surprised. haha!

  3. I read this and was getting all mad b/c my husband is like that and will leave things for me to clean up. I told him its insulting and it needs to stop. Then by the end, I was laughing. Oh boys and their tricks.

  4. SNORT! That made my day. Mostly because no actual poop was involved. Because IF actual poop was involved, well thenI woulda been on the next plane to Iowa to open a can on said rude husband. I'm just sayin. Boys/men are so wierd in what they think is so funny. Glad you were spared real turd clean up.

  5. Haha! I was getting all indignant for you! That's one of those "You guys are sooooo not as funny as YOU think you are" moments. ;)

  6. So I actually tried this last night. Hubs was not impressed. He didn't think his little dog would do such a thing. I thought it was an awesome idea, and I can't wait to try this on my brother!

  7. Sounds like some people have WAY too much time on their hands... And I hope they were punished for this prank!!!


Post a Comment

Commenting makes you big and strong! Okay, maybe just strong. Okay, so it's only your fingers. But still ...

Popular Posts