I couldn't say I was surprised (which is actually pretty sad when you think about it), but I was irritated. After all, it's not like I'd left them here to fend for themselves. There was an adult present. So where was said adult while all this carpet-pooping was going on?
"Where's Daddy?" I demanded.
Before I could get an answer from the kids, Curtis came strolling casually out of our bedroom.
I pointed accusingly at the turd from across the room. "Uh, Coby pooped on the floor?" It was posed as a simple question, but really, it was "where the hell were you when all this was going on and why in the name of all that is holy did you wait for me to come home and clean it the eff up?"
Curtis just glanced at the turd and let out a chuckle and a shrug. "Heh. Well, he was running around without a diaper for a few minutes." And then, instead of being like, "Sorry about that - I'll clean it up," he just walked in the opposite direction. Like he wasn't going to do anything about it.
Time for a tirade.
"So you were aware of this, right?" I shrieked as I headed for the paper towels. "I mean, I'm sure Colin said something, didn't he? So you just ... left it for me to take care of?" I angrily yanked a few off the roll. "Because Mom takes care of all the nasty stuff, right? I can't believe that nobody in this house but me is capable of cleaning up messes." I stomped indignantly over to the poop. "It's one thing for you not to prevent it in the first place, but then to just leave it here for me ... to ..."
Wait a second. Something was weird.
I switched on the lamp.
The hysterical laughter from my boys and my husband alike confirmed my suspicion: it wasn't poop at all! It was a toilet paper tube, dampened and torn up and pressed back together into a turd-like shape.
Apparently, when there are a bunch of dudes alone in your house, they watch videos like this on YouTube:
... And then decide to test it out on poor unsuspecting Mom.
Why do I have the feeling it will only get worse from here on out?