One-Hand Wonder

I've been the mother of four boys for nearly a month now, so I consider myself somewhat of a professional.*

*And by "professional" I mean "a person who has managed to keep four children in her care alive and (relatively) unscathed for nearly a month"

Know what I'm also somewhat of a professional at?

Doing things one-handed.

Corbin, my newborn, is a good baby. But - like almost all babies - he's best when he's being held. So the child is perpetually in my arms because the last thing my household needs is another crying voice adding to the chaos. I have one of those awesome babywearing wraps, which I actually won in a blog giveaway when Coby was a baby. But much to my dismay, it was too small for me then. (Yes y'all: you can be too fat for a wrap. Tragic.)

It would fit me now, but I've lost the instructions and can't figure out how to fold the darn thing. I tried it on yesterday and Corbin was, like, half hanging out of it and I was all, "Um, can you just hold on a little bit please?" but seeing as he's three weeks old and all ... well ... the answer was no. He couldn't hold on. Not even a little bit. And yes, I'm well aware that I could look up the instructions on the Internet, but the truth is I'm kinda scared. Because it's sort of like origami, and I can't even make a paper airplane. I'm a smart chick generally, but there are just some things (copy machines, strategically folded things, coffee makers, card games) that my brain refuses to grasp.

So I have adapted to being a one-armed wonder, and can do an amazing array of things with a single hand. For example, I just made my older kids an extremely complicated breakfast of instant oatmeal while cradling the infant (I know. Mad kitchen skillz). Then I rinsed off the dishes, loaded them into the dishwasher, disposed of an offending booger, cleaned oatmeal off the dog's back at least I hope that was oatmeal, and retrieved a lost Wii remote. (I mean, uh ... gathered up the educational materials that I am using to enrich my children's learning over the summer. Yeah. That's it. What Wii?)

Now I am blogging with - you guessed it - one hand.

What it looks like to be me. 

After this, I'll be attempting to go pee. And if the baby cries? He's going with me.

I've never even dropped my phone into the toilet, so I'm pretty sure he'll be safe.

I am, after all, a professional.


  1. Jessica Armstrong LasaJune 27, 2012 at 10:13 AM

    Awwwww, he's so precious! and YOU are GOOD!

  2. You amaze me, not sure how you do it, but if I ever have kids I might hire you as full-time professional! Thanks for continuing to blog and keep us laughing while caring for 4 boys!!! You should be sainted!

  3. I have to be honest, I saw the title to this and took it a completely different direction. I don't want to say I'm disappointed, I just think maybe you should title it differently.

    Oh, and should babies that little have that much screen time?

    Parenting bomb dropped!

  4. Love your posts. They make me smile! I'm glad you can blog one handed.

  5. Corbin looks very relaxed and trusting, so I'm thinking you must be doing a good job of one-handedness! I'm always amazed at the things you get done, even when you seem to think you're not accomplishing anything.

  6. Oh, I remember those days!! Fun...My kids are now way to old to be in a snuggly (17, 16, 15, 13, 9, 8, 7)! But it is a precious time and I miss it..for like 2 seconds until the others come in and like, demand that I give them money to buy things!!! I'm glad that you are doing good after having to have a C-Section. I had 5 C-Sections, (only 5 of my kids are biologically mine, but I feel like the other 2 are MINE as well)and I tell you that recovering from C-sections is hard!! But after a few weeks, you adjust. And it seems like you have adjusted just fine. Congratulations on your newest little boy....FYI, out of my 5 Biological kids, I had 4 Boys and 1 Girl...The other 2 are boys!! So maybe if you had another one it would be a girl.....Whattt? I think I can feel the LOOK from here...LOL... Love your blog, and you have inspired me to do one too, although it is nowhere as AWESOME as yours, but i'm new to this and just learning....
    Thanks Rita, for keeping it real!!
    Jamie Thompson

  7. Awesome! It's good to hear the news from another professional. :) I also am afraid to wear the baby in a wrapper, just because I like to trip and fall a lot.....

  8. One also gains an amazing sense of balance doing things with one arm! I remember a lot of squatting as opposed to leaning over so as not to wake up the baby. I'm with youon the wraps. They scare me!! I can't even fold sheets correctly. Agh!

  9. One hand blogging? That shit is amazing. Forget being able to clean up poop piles and rein the kids in with one hand blogging makes you a superwoman.

  10. I learned to crack an egg w/ one hand, thanks to my boys!

  11. You just described my life for the past 8 months. I have a special spot in my heart for little boys but was blessed with our little girl this year. The Wii remote isn't lost..


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