Dressed to Depress


Image from footedpajamasforwomen.org. Yes, such a magical site actually exists.

When my baby was eight days old, I got dressed.

Impressive, right? An eight-day stretch of pajama-ness (needless to say, it was not pretty). But on Saturday, I finally mustered up the motivation to take my daily shower a few steps further. I put on some makeup. I pulled my hair into a simple updo.

And then I stood in my closet naked and bawled.

No, I didn't expect to fit back into my pre-pregnancy jeans or any such sort of lofty goal. I mean when you gain fifty pounds, it tends to, y'know, hang around for a while. But I was at least hoping that my newest maternity jeans would fit me properly. The cute ones that I wore for only about a week before my gargantuan stomach pushed the poor elastic to its limit and I had to retire them to the closet. I was hoping that now, since said stomach had deflated a bit, they would be usable.

But no. Because my ass and thighs had other ideas.

The one thing I heard most during my pregnancy, repeated over and over and over (well, besides oh my GAWD! and You poor thing! and Is there more than one in there? and You've got to be overdue!) was, "You're all belly!" I think people said that either a.) just to be nice, or b.) because my belly was in fact so huge that they couldn't look past it long enough to notice the ginormous hips and thighs holding it up.

So when I tried to slip on my maternity jeans, envisioning them sliding right up like they used to, it came as quite a shock when I couldn't tug them past my burgeoning buttocks.

It was like adding salt to a wound. I mean, I'm already teetering on the brink of depression over my post-baby belly. Not that it was nice before, by ANY stretch of the imagination (except for my 25 years on earth prior to having kids - check out a before-and-after comparison here). No, before I had Corbin, my belly was already saggy and stretchmarked. But? The carriage and delivery of my fourth child took a bad thing and made it worse. I've got that lovely postpartum bread-dough glut of jiggly flab, the kind you have to lift up in order to see your C-section incision. Plus I still look at least four months pregnant.

"Ugh" and "blah" are not strong enough words.

I know: it'll go away, everything will shrink back to its normal size, and I can hide what's left under my shirt and tuck it into my pants and look actually pretty decent at some point in the future. But until then, I hate every flabby, leaky, cranky postpartum moment. It's gonna be a long, depressing road back, y'all.

I'm "fighting off frumpy" once again. Would now be a good time to invest in some Pajama Jeans?

14 comments:

  1. Step away from the Pajama Jeans. Step. Away.

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  2. It's okay. Breathe. Breathe again. One more time... okay, now, remember that while the hormones are going to be EXTRA crazy as you hold your very LAST newborn baby, there is a light at the end of that tunnel - the surgical correction that you have already promised yourself to get now that you're done having kids! It doesn't make all the crying and throwing yourself half naked on the bed because there is nothing to wear any easier. But there IS hope! At least, that's what I keep telling myself! I haven't had my tummy repaired yet, but I will! My stretch marks go from hip to bra, too, and I really don't care if I ever wear a bikini again, I'd just like to look decent in jeans and a t-shirt!

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  3. I feel ya. I haven't had 4. I've only had twins and that was following being entirely too fat and losing 70 lbs. Of the 70 I lost, I've now gained back 55 - and the twins were born last October. If stretch marks were my only concern...but there is this thing hanging off my stomach now that I get to flop all around. And, like you, I won't do corrective surgery until I'm done having kids AND have lost all my weight. I feel you!

    Do not get the pajama jeans. They won't make you feel better.

    I didn't truly face my music until I went back to work (when the boys were 6 months old). I had one pair of pants that fit that entire time and I refused to buy anymore in my new size. That was a mistake. Feeling bad enough about it all as it was just blew up when I realized nothing in my closet actually works for me - not even the maternity stuff.

    Give yourself a break. The postpartum hormones are playing tricks. Get you a shopping trip in and get something comfortable that fits. The rest will come soon. But please don't do what I did and think you can just wait it out.

    (LOL - of course, you probably know this better than I do, I've only had the one pregnancy....)

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  4. First of all, remember YOU CAN DO THIS, second, I agree with one of the other noters, go get yourself one or two pairs of decent looking pants/shorts, whatever, and they can be a cute style that doesn't have the unforgiving zipper and button. Getting into something that actually makes you feel like you look normal again, helps you get to "normal" again! Hang in there! At least you have pregnancy to blame, I have gained back 16 pounds and a middle roll where those abs were just a year ago! And I have nothing to blame it on but being lazy and eating bad.

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  5. This is the worst part of pregnancy in my opinion. After having the baby you just feel so much slimmer and then it all comes crashing down in the terrible reality check of actually trying to wear clothes. But this too shall pass. Hang in there!

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  6. I gained 40 lbs with Emily and it took me a while to feel okay with my body again. You will get there!!

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  7. I'm waiting for the bounce back from my baby, and she's about to turn 4! It will get better!

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  8. I can so relate to how you're feeling, and you're right, it's awful. Know that you're not alone in your misery, I've so been where you are right now.

    Sundresses are really cute and they have lots of "A" line ones that will draw attention away from your stomach. Plus you don't have to worry about them fitting your thighs.

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  9. I'm so sorry! It's so hard....
    I remember after my 1st kid was born, maybe 2 weeks later I went to put a pair of work pants on "scrubs" and was like what the hell?!?!?!? My butt and thighs had morphed into something I had never seen before and my usually to big pants were skin tight and I had gotten those stretch marks all over my ENTIRE butt!! AFTER PEOPLE, A-F-T-E-R!!

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  10. I vote for sundress, everyone will be looking at your other assets :)

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  11. I agree with several of the others: get a couple of inexpensive things that look cute and make you feel better. Even if you don't have to wear them very long, it will sure help the way you feel. You're already great at getting back in shape, so you know this isn't permanent. Once you get to feeling better physically, you can start gradually shedding that baby weight. Just be sure to wait until that incision heals!

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  12. No pajama jeans for you. I'm putting my foot down.

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