I used to write special blog posts in honor of my kids' birthdays, but now that I'm officially The Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe (minus, like, the shoe part) I've been slipping up: I mean, who can keep up with all these kids? Coby turned three this past Friday, and there was no special post to be found. But in all fairness, it was because we spent the weekend out of state at our parents' houses. Which was kind of a fiasco at times, and thank goodness they love us or they'd probably forbid us from ever coming over again. "Hi Mom, can we crash at your place this weekend? ... Oh, you'll be busy dusting under your couch?"
Catastrophic event #1 took place at my mother-in-law's. The day dawned beautifully, and after breakfast, we all went outside to sit on her back deck while the kids played in the yard. The boys, of course, were immediately drawn to a shiny blue gazing ball that was snazzying-up the landscape. Kind of like this one:
The dudes were all, "Wow, Nana, what's this?" and Nana was all, "Oh, that's my very special decoration. It means a lot to me because it was a gift from one of my dearest friends, and now she's passed away, so I remember her whenever I look at it."
And within about five minutes? Nana's very special decoration was very accidentally lying in shards on the grass. It couldn't have been, like, a plastic lawn gnome she picked up at the Dollar Tree, oh noooo ... it had to be the precious gift from a dearly departed friend. Ugh.
Fast-forward a few hours, and we were spending the night at my mom's. At bedtime, I realized I had left the Pull-Ups at my mother-in-law's. Both Cameron and Coby wear them at night; Cameron as a precaution because he wets the bed like once a month, and Coby because even though he can stay dry during the day, he has yet to master staying dry every night. But they're both pretty good at staying pee-free; most mornings their Pull-Ups are dry, so I figured this one night would be fine, as long as they both peed right before they went to bed.
Lesson #4,599: never assume.
They both peed like effing racehorses. Like I'd given them each a jug of water to guzzle before tucking them in. Cameron was on my mom's air mattress; Coby was on my mom's bed. So there were two sets of soiled sheets to wash, two sets of pajamas, two times the stress.
The next night we were at my mom's again: this time with Pull-Ups. We all settled into the freshly washed sheets and went to sleep, secure in the knowledge that no one would pee on the nice clean bedding. But in the morning, when we woke up?
There was blood all. Over. The. Sheets.
Our lovely Lab, Josie, had conveniently gone into heat while sleeping at the foot of my mother's bed.
Did I mention my mom's bedroom looks pretty much like this?
Her bedding is white. It's pristine. And now, it's bloodstained. I scrubbed it the best I could with stain remover (bare hands on dog blood OMG), so I hope it miraculously came out and became pure and white and lovely again. I'm kind of afraid to call and be like, "Sooooo, how's that pretty white bedspread?"
I've gotta say, though, both of the moms were surprisingly un-ruffled by the disastrous messes brought about by our company. Thank goodness, because no matter how old you get, I'm truly convinced that you never outgrow the fear of your mom getting all pissed off when you mess up her stuff.
On the drive home, I tried to console myself with some Corn Nuts.
I had absolutely zero intention of sharing. But when you eat Corn Nuts, the entire tri-state area knows because they smell so ... I don't know, corny? So I purposely waited until all the kids were asleep before opening the bag.
Me: "Are you guys awake?"
Me, a bit louder: "Boys? You awake?"
Me: "Sweet, they're all asleep."
*opening Corn Nuts*
*crunch crunch crunch*
Colin: "Mommy? What's that smell?"
Cameron: "What are you guys eating?"
Coby: "Can I taste? Can I taste?"
Me: "Nobody's eating anything. It must have been that Hardee's we just passed. Go back to sleep."
*quietly reseals bag*
(Funny story ... the reason we were craving Corn Nuts in the first place is because on the ride there, Curtis and I kept thinking we smelled them. We were all, "What is that smell? Oh my gosh, Corn Nuts! Something smells like Corn Nuts! We should have stopped to get some. Those sound soooo good." And it was only later that we realized the Corn Nuts smell - which we had been eagerly inhaling into our nostrils - was actually dog fart. YUM.)
So yeah. It was an eventful trip; you've gotta love traveling with kids. But next time we do, I'm bringing rubber sheets, industrial-strength stain remover, and a bottle of superglue.
Because you just never know.