*And by "professional" I mean "a person who has managed to keep four children in her care alive and (relatively) unscathed for nearly a month"
Know what I'm also somewhat of a professional at?
Doing things one-handed.
Corbin, my newborn, is a good baby. But - like almost all babies - he's best when he's being held. So the child is perpetually in my arms because the last thing my household needs is another crying voice adding to the chaos. I have one of those awesome babywearing wraps, which I actually won in a blog giveaway when Coby was a baby. But much to my dismay, it was too small for me then. (Yes y'all: you can be too fat for a wrap. Tragic.)
It would fit me now, but I've lost the instructions and can't figure out how to fold the darn thing. I tried it on yesterday and Corbin was, like, half hanging out of it and I was all, "Um, can you just hold on a little bit please?" but seeing as he's three weeks old and all ... well ... the answer was no. He couldn't hold on. Not even a little bit. And yes, I'm well aware that I could look up the instructions on the Internet, but the truth is I'm kinda scared. Because it's sort of like origami, and I can't even make a paper airplane. I'm a smart chick generally, but there are just some things (copy machines, strategically folded things, coffee makers, card games) that my brain refuses to grasp.
So I have adapted to being a one-armed wonder, and can do an amazing array of things with a single hand. For example, I just made my older kids an extremely complicated breakfast of instant oatmeal while cradling the infant (I know. Mad kitchen skillz). Then I rinsed off the dishes, loaded them into the dishwasher, disposed of an offending booger, cleaned oatmeal off the dog's back at least I hope that was oatmeal, and retrieved a lost Wii remote. (I mean, uh ... gathered up the educational materials that I am using to enrich my children's learning over the summer. Yeah. That's it. What Wii?)
Now I am blogging with - you guessed it - one hand.
What it looks like to be me.
After this, I'll be attempting to go pee. And if the baby cries? He's going with me.
I've never even dropped my phone into the toilet, so I'm pretty sure he'll be safe.
I am, after all, a professional.