Cravings be Crazy

I don't even remember how we got on the topic, but the other day, Curtis and I were talking about pregnancy cravings. And he had the audacity - the audacity - to suggest that, during my pregnancies, I overstated the urgency of my need for certain foods.

Clearly the man just doesn't have any idea of what a pregnancy craving feels like.

"Oh yeah?" I snapped. "Remember the turkey sandwich?"

He laughed. "Oh yes. The turkey sandwich."




The turkey sandwich was my very first pregnancy craving ever. It happened before I even knew I was pregnant - in fact, pregnancy was the furthest thing from my mind since we had been battling infertility for the last five years. We were living in Germany at the time, and it was a frigid evening in October. Curtis and I had met our friend Vince at a little pub for some billiards and beer.

I should have known something was weird when I wanted a beer. I don't even like beer, never have. Not the watery American beers and especially not the stout German beers that are all, like, hoppy and wheat-y and whatever else beer is made of. Yet that night, I downed a tall glass like it was water.

But then came the real craving.

A turkey-effing-sandwich, y'all.

It was seriously so overwhelming that I distinctly remember the moment it hit me. I actually gripped the side of the pool table. And it wasn't like, "Hmm, I think I'd fancy a turkey sandwich, la de da." It was like, "MUST! HAVE! TURKEY! SANDWICH! NOOOOOOOOWWWWW!" with a lot of drooling and bugged-out eyes and scary gnashing of teeth.

"Does this place sell food?" I asked Curtis and Vince, trying to be cool.

"They do during the day, but the kitchen is closed," I was told.

Okay, Rita, just relax. It's not important. You can do without a turkey sandwich.

But ... it was important. And for reasons unknown to me, I could not do without a turkey sandwich. It wasn't a question.

"I need a turkey sandwich," I said weakly to my companions.

They laughed.

"No!" I said, a little too forcefully. "I mean seriously, you guys, I need a turkey sandwich."

Curtis and Vince looked at me like I'd grown another head. They saw the desperation in my eyes.

"I stopped by the store before I came here," said Vince. "There might be some turkey in the trunk of my - "

Before he even finished the sentence, I was all, "GIVE ME YOUR KEYS!!!" and when he handed them over, slightly afraid, I dashed down the stairs and out into the night.

And that, my friends, is how I ended up on a German street, ragged breath swirling into the cold air, rummaging like a madwoman through the trunk of Vince's car. And finding a package of turkey. And shoveling the entire thing into my mouth with two fists, feeling completely insane and out of control the entire time.

... But also like, "Yeaaaaaaah. Tuuuuuurrrrkeeeeeeyyyyy."

Out of four pregnancies, I've craved runny eggs on toast and McDonald's cheeseburgers, crab legs and pad Thai, and Asiago bagels from Panera bread with sundried tomato cream cheese. Many times, Curtis has found himself making out of the way trips at all odd hours at knifepoint to fulfill these requests. So I can see how he'd be a little salty about it. BUT. For him to say that I didn't really need those things is like saying that you don't really need a big space to keep an elephant in. How can you make them comprehend that pregnancy cravings are so strong that you can fantasize about them while you are actually puking?

Dudes. They just don't understand.

What was your biggest pregnancy craving?


19 comments:

  1. Dudes really don't understand! I craved ice during both my pregnancies (my doctor told me it was my body needing more iron that made me crave it). My preference was ice chips but I would eat full ice cubes if it was all I could get my hands on. I walked around with big cups of ice all the time (even in cold months). My husband had it pretty easy, ice was an easy craving to manage!
    Both my boys were born with low body temps...I always wondered if it was all the ice I ate!

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  2. before I knew I was pregnant I had a dire craving for golden delicious apples... not one but I had my other half take me to eastern market downtown Detroit and bought a bushel from a local orchard. now.... before you say "so what they are just apples " I then bought a case of Faygo Red Pop (Rita being from the north you may know the soda) cut up a few apples and soaked them in a bowl of red pop. for an entire trimester this is all I wanted - minus the gas all the fruit gives you

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  3. I didn't have many but the ones I did have were insane. The first was for A & W root beer oh lord did it taste good going down. The second was well... at 10 or 11 at night I looked at Chad and said I need something that has pasrty and apple... like an apple danish or an apple crisp or an apple pie. now. I don't demand things - or at least not often so this caught him a little off guard but he obediently replied - sure hun I'll just run down to the gas station and grab you a ... I stopped him there "NO I DON'T WANT GAS STATION CRAP I NEED HOMEMADE APPLE PIE GODDAMNIT" well this had him shaking in his boots. He quickly emailed my mother (who is never far from her email) saying oh god Tami needs apple and pasrty and I'm scared - she does NOT want it to be store bought. (my husband could at this point hardly make kraft dinner never mind bake) Wouldn't you know it the very next day my mom delivered a home made (full cookie sheet) of apple danish. A friend of ours brought me a home made apple crisp - I was in apple-baked-goods heaven. I don't know how many people he emailed but man was that an AMAZING apple danish. I think it was gone by the next day. No wonder I gained 90 lbs haha. Men do not understand the NEED behind the craving.

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  4. Pregnancy #1: ice, disani water and slims jims. Everyday. (My son says when he is president he is going to make a law that says everyone has to have a slim jim everyday!) Pregnancy #2: scrambled eggs. And meat make me sick (son #2 will not eat meat unless its fried chicken or those frozen salisbury steak things) Pregnancy #3: everything! I wonder if what/how you eat while you are prego affects what/how your kids eat growing up?

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  5. With my first daughter, it was pints of grape tomatoes. By the pint-full. And burgers, not at the same time. And most would be like, big whoop, a burger. But I was a 7-year vegetarian. And boy were they DELICIOUS!!! (and I've been eating them ever since...)
    My second daughter, it was spinach dip. But moments after consuming it, I would puke. So, although I NEEDED it, I stayed away from it. Because I was sick enough the second time! I didn't need to induce it!!!

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  6. When I was pregnant with my oldest, I had HAD to have olives and cottage cheese. Oh my god! I remember that just needing it and when I finally got it, it was the most amazing thing in the world.

    Also, Pepsi. And I'm a Coke person, through and through. I can't stand Pepsi but when I was pregnant, I wanted Pepsi.

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  7. When my husband and I were in Thailand I started eating tamarinds. I would have at least 5 every day. When we got home I was so desperate to eat them, but didn't know where to get them in the US so I cried... It was like some kind of drug withdrawal.

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  8. With my first, I craved corn dogs, which I normally can't stand. With my second, I craved salads, and that may be the last vegetables that kid has ever eaten. With my third, it was baked potatoes, to the point that we nicknamed him "Tater" while he was still en utero. And with my fourth, I craved this spicy Waldorf salad that husband makes.

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  9. I craved all things citrus but mostly oranges and orange bang drink.

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  10. Chocolate chip cookies! Not the store-bought kind, but the still-warm-from-the-oven kind with the melty chips and the chewy centers. I'd get up and make them in the middle of the night!

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  11. Chocolate chip cookies! Not the store-bought kind, but the still-warm-from-the-oven kind with the melty chips and the chewy centers. I'd get up and make them in the middle of the night!

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  12. 1st: pancakes and sex ALL THE TIME!
    2nd: trail mix!!
    3rd: all things dessert!! ALL THINGS!!

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  13. ohhhh and also with the third all i ever thought about besides desserts was McDonald's dbl cheeseburgers!
    The cravings are insane, couldn't hardly carry on a conversation because of thinking about it!

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  14. With Riley I craved milk. Ew. I hate milk. I was simultaneously disgusted and desperate.

    With Jonah I craved spicy food. Not just like, salsa. Like Indian food made as spicy as they could possibly make it. Tears and sweat and snot would pour from my face, but I couldn't stop eating chicken tikka masala made "Indian hot" (the secret words you need to say to let your waiter know you are SERIOUS about how spicy you need your food to be).

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  15. You always make me giggle.

    I craved Italian food with both my kids.

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  16. I'm pregnant with my first right now. Up till now (14weeks) it has been chocolate milk (I hate milk), hummus, and tortilla chips dipped in mustard. Wonder what the next will be...

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  17. My first? Anything with tomatoes, even though I normally can't stand them. Spaghetti sauce, pizza sauce, even RAW (ewwwwwww). Couldn't get enough. My second? Literally anything that sounded slightly delicious turned insta-craving. Saw a commercial for food or talked about a food, thought, "Hmmm, that sounds nice. MUST HAVE IT NOW OR I'LL BE SICK!" Literally couldn't take it until I ate that food. It got to the point where I avoided talking about food or watching TV because my cravings were so insane.

    So crazy.

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  18. My cravings changed thought my pregnancy. At first, I only wanted spicy, carb-loaded food. I loved bean & cheese burritos. I usually love salad, but hated it for the first half. Midway through the end I wanted cookies & gelato. It was a challenge to eat healthy!

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  19. I had to have fried onions. But no-one could make them like my flat mate. He would try to make me make them but I couldn't. Also Chinese prawn crackers with McDonald's mustard.

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