You want to fulfill my fantasies, right? Satisfy all my desires? I thought so, big guy. That's why I'm going to cut right to the chase and let you know exactly what I want: no guessing games, no playing coy, just straight to the stuff that will make me melt. I'll be putty in your hands.
First, I want you to take me to the bedroom and order me to get on the bed.*
*Because you know I have too much to do to actually initiate a nap on my own.
Then I'm going to take off my bra ...*
*Who can sleep comfortably with one on? I mean really?
... and my pants.*
*In my fantasies this is, like, a serious nap ... and everybody knows pantsless is the way to go.
I want to feel your hands on my body. ... Lower ... lower ...*
*Because a foot massage would be an epic way to kick off this nap.
I want you to whisper in my ear about all the dirty things you're going to do while I'm lying here.*
*Like mop the dirty floor, wash the dirty laundry, scrub the dirty toilet, bathe the dirty children ...
Then I want you to give it to me. Nice and slow.*
*I mean the pillow. The fat one. And fluff it first.
Oh, yeah ... I'm all hot and bothered right now.*
*But that's probably because there's a human-radiator of a toddler using me as a jungle gym, which is definitely bothersome.
So let me know the next time you want to participate in this ... adults-only activity.*
*Seriously, don't let the kids see me trying to nap. They'd never allow it.
Take me to heaven, honey. I want it so bad. I ache for it.*
*No, I mean it, I ache. Did you see the size of that last load of laundry I carried up the stairs? Sheesh.
I'll be waiting. Don't make me beg.