Yearning (or Yawning?)

Dearest Husband,

You want to fulfill my fantasies, right? Satisfy all my desires? I thought so, big guy. That's why I'm going to cut right to the chase and let you know exactly what I want: no guessing games, no playing coy, just straight to the stuff that will make me melt. I'll be putty in your hands.

First, I want you to take me to the bedroom and order me to get on the bed.*

*Because you know I have too much to do to actually initiate a nap on my own.

Then I'm going to take off my bra ...*

*Who can sleep comfortably with one on? I mean really?

... and my pants.*

*In my fantasies this is, like, a serious nap ... and everybody knows pantsless is the way to go.

I want to feel your hands on my body. ... Lower ... lower ...*

*Because a foot massage would be an epic way to kick off this nap.

I want you to whisper in my ear about all the dirty things you're going to do while I'm lying here.*

*Like mop the dirty floor, wash the dirty laundry, scrub the dirty toilet, bathe the dirty children ...

Then I want you to give it to me. Nice and slow.*

*I mean the pillow. The fat one. And fluff it first.

Oh, yeah ... I'm all hot and bothered right now.*

*But that's probably because there's a human-radiator of a toddler using me as a jungle gym, which is definitely bothersome. 

So let me know the next time you want to participate in this ... adults-only activity.*

*Seriously, don't let the kids see me trying to nap. They'd never allow it.

Take me to heaven, honey. I want it so bad. I ache for it.*

*No, I mean it, I ache. Did you see the size of that last load of laundry I carried up the stairs? Sheesh.

I'll be waiting. Don't make me beg.



  1. Ha! Now this is the ultimate mom fantasy!

  2. I agree!! and I don't have kids yet. I have 3 dogs and whole petting zoo (not literally, just a farm) to take care of!! All 3 months after back surgery!! I just want to lay in bed, let hubby take care of the zoo and dogs so I can nap!

  3. Too funny! Studies show most women would prefer sleep over sex. Can't remember the percent, but if our men weren't so lazy and got busy more with chores, they'd be getting busy more in the bedroom, right?


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