Grownup Gross-Out

If there's one goal I have in this life, it's to raise my boys to be good men. Good boyfriends, good husbands, good fathers, good workers, good people in general. I want them to be compassionate and philanthropic, sensitive and strong, and to put the damn seat down after they pee.

I know I'm not alone in this. In fact, I'm pretty sure I can speak for all parents when I say that nobody looks at their sweet children and thinks, "Man, I hope they turn out to be huge selfish jerks that no one can stand."

So parents. PARENTS. Let me pose a question: where are we going wrong when the people we're raising can't even handle the most basic of common courtesies?

I work at a gym. And gyms can be dirty places full of bodily fluids, but our staff works really hard to keep the place clean and they do an extremely good job. However, they might not have to work so diligently at it if there weren't the need for signs like this, which is actually hanging over the water fountain:

I only teach classes there, which means I do not have to do any cleaning other than the two-second tidying up of my class space once in a while, thank the Lawd. But the poor souls who are forced to clean up after the general gym-going public, day in and day out, actually have to deal with stuff like this. And more. There have been people who pee in the trash can in the tanning room. Let that sink in: THEY PISS. IN A TRASH CAN. And not even a big full-sized trash can with a lid - it's more like one of those little wastebaskets you'd have beside your desk. Who does that?! The bathrooms are literally like two doors down!

And speaking of the bathrooms - you don't even want to know the horror stories I've heard about what people do in there. Women and men both. Let's just say that next time you see someone who cleans a public place, you should consider giving them a very big tip or at least an appreciative pat on the back. Because damn.

I just would really like to know who the hell is doing all this. What kind of actual adult thinks it's okay to urinate or defecate or wipe whatever is coming out of their bodies on walls or floors or in drinking fountains? Would their mothers be horrified? Because years down the road, if I ever heard that one of my grown sons was that disgusting, I would slap him upside his head so hard he'd have trouble remembering his name. I'M NOT RAISING A NASTY INCONSIDERATE D-BAG AND I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHO IS.

This is why I spend approximately 85% of my time lecturing my kids about why they should not wipe boogers on walls and the importance of hitting the water when they pee. Kids are gross. KIDS are gross. But adults? Adults should know better than to be gross. And if you are a gross adult then your parents have failed you and somebody should be ashamed of themselves.

As an employee of the gym, I think I should make some new signs.

... That's better.


  1. I love the second sign! And shame on those tacky adults who have to be reminded!

  2. Agreed! When my kids ask why people do gross things or leave trash/cigarette butts/gum/whatever around I just tell them people are rude and gross. It is sad when my children have better manners than a lot of adults.

  3. Because there is a new sense of entitlement that is being doled out to these assholes. I can do what I want, when I want, where I want. It's awful.... what is this world coming to?


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