There's No "Petite" in My Appetite


I think I have some kind of weird disorder. Or maybe I should try to be all positive about it and say it's some kind of super power. You wanna know what it is?

I can eat like a man.

But not just any man: a sumo wrestler and part-time lumberjack who eats competitively in his spare time and has been deprived of food for a week.

I swear, it takes ridiculous quantities of food to make me feel physically full, and even when I'm full, I never exactly feel satisfied. I'm not exaggerating one iota when I tell you that I could eat an entire large pizza, or a whole batch of cookies, all by my lonesome. I don't, of course, because if I always ate what I felt like eating, I'd have to wear a circus tent as a muumuu. But I can tell you this from experience, because there have been times in my life when my gluttonous self has actually done these things. Even when I was a kid, I was this way: once, in like seventh grade, my friend and I went to McDonalds and ate six or seven burgers each.

When Curtis and I first got together, we went to a nice restaurant and ate a huge dinner of steak and crab legs. He? Threw up in the parking lot. (True story!) But I? Was thinking I could've used dessert.

It's always been very (very very very) difficult for me to practice portion control. And I'm just baffled by people who can eat, like, half an enchilada (you know who you are!) and proclaim themselves full. Really? Really? I'd eat the enchilada, the side dishes, and the garnish, and probably the plate if I thought it'd taste good. I look at the recommended serving sizes on food packages and I'm all, "Huh? Who would be happy with a half-cup of ice cream?!" ... Especially when you could have, like, the whole pint.

(And seriously, have you ever checked out the serving size on a jar of pickles? Usually it's a HALF A PICKLE. Who the hell eats half a pickle?)

I have to keep myself constantly in check, because I kinda dig being able to shop in the regular sizes know that eating that way is totally unhealthy. But it's so hard. "Slow down and enjoy your food," the medical and dietary professionals in the magazines advise. "Savor every bite. Eat without distractions. Chew thoroughly. Eat lots of fiber to feel full."

Yeah. Done all that. Still doesn't help. Do you know how much fiber I take in? I create enough natural gas to power my entire town. Seriously.

So until someone comes up with a magic solution, I'll just have to stick with eating one slice of pie ... and fantasizing about the remaining seven.


12 comments:

  1. My eyes immediately focused on "pie" and now I'm really, really hungry and about to walk into this meeting until 12.

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  2. I am absolutely the same way. I usually stop eating because of social pressure that the amount of food I've consumed is enough, and not because I'm actually full. I remember eating an entire pizza when I was a teenager, because no one else was around. Now, that's really frowned on, by my friends and by my hips.

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  3. I am the exact same way. Except I ate like a bird until I was about 22. And then at 30 I learned I could devour an entire large pizza and still crave a pint of ice cream after ingestion of the extra pepperoni pie. And then I woke up one day and realized I was killing my inside plumbing (intestines, arteries, heart, etc). So, I've been maintaining portion control to the best of my abilities. To the best of my abilities means there may be a day in the week where I let myself indulge in additional portioning. But I hate to put the fork down on a good dessert and its hard to just think about it after that last portion-controlled sizing. If there was a pill that would allow us to just eat healthy all the time with small portions and stop craving things like pizza, Arby's, Chic-Fil-A imagine what the stock price of that magic little pill would be.

    You're not alone my friend!!!! At least you have the balls to admit it. Good for you!!!

    Best,
    AmericanBridget

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  4. I am challenged by portions myself. I always feel like I could eat more. I tried those Fullbars once and they really did not help. They were just like expensive rice cakes with more goop on them.

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  5. Just glad I'm not the only one... :)

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  6. Half a pickle?! You're right...WHO DOES THAT?

    Man you would die eating the camp food here. They dish out massive portions! They can't accept the word NO. They're always shocked when I say that's all I want. I'm all...Erm, I'm not a 6'2, 250lb man like many of the guys around here. I don't need that many calories.

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  7. My four year old eats half a pickle. lol!

    I waiver between the two eating types you mentioned. I am either ravenous and put away twice the amount of food as my 200 lb husband, or I eat half a sandwich and am full. ??? Right now I am going through a sumo-eating phase. Good thing it isn't bathing suit season or anything..... Off to make some brownies!

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  8. I thought I was the only one! The amount I can eat is embarrassing...but doesn't matter, because I like my two-piece swimsuit. So I'm stuck with being hungry most days...(except for the fun binge ones!)
    I don't want to be a dark cloud, but uh, it only gets worse as you age.

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  9. I'm right there with you, Rita. Recently I have started taking protein shakes pre and post work outs to help build muscle and fuel my workouts. The other morning I did my shake with my usual breakfast and was miserably full.

    I know you have been hitting the gym really hard lately. You would benefit from some protein nad maybe it would help curb a little of your appetite. Check out purchasing some? http://www.bodybuilding.com/store/dym/elite-xt.html

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  10. I've always been a small eater, but in the last few weeks (I'm 9 months pregnant) my appetite has increase onehundred fold and I'm STARVING all the TIME. I admire your ability to say no- I'm not used to this, and managed to eat about a litre of ice-cream without even noticing yesterday (shhhh....don't tell my husband!).

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  11. I was always like this too - in highschool my friends and I routinely stopped by Baskin Robbins (maybe looking for boys? I don't know why otehrwise) and I would get a QUART of cookie dough ice cream. And eat it all. I also very often ate an entire large pizza by myself for dinner, well into my twenties.

    As my metabolism has dropped to almost nothing however, and I've just gotten fatter and fatter, I've been really focusing on calories and portion control to try and lose weight. And as a result, my stomach no longer holds nearly as much food as it used to. of course, it still hasn't shrunk to the correct size and I correct portion sizes still seem kind of tiny, but what would have previously been a moderate portion for me is now more than enough to totally fill me up.

    it just takes practice and diligence and time. or you can say to hell with it and keep on eating how ever much you want!

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  12. My nickname in High School was the "human garbage disposal" for the amount of food I could consume. Well, the metabolism is slowing down. And I was hoping the hunger would as well. NO luck... Since I am breastfeeding, I feel as though I could have a feed bag on and STILL be hungry.

    HUNGRY GIRLS OF THE WORLD UNITE!

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