Mammoth Mama

I'm huge. There's no nicer way to say it.

The other day, I posted this picture of my six-month-pregnant self on Facebook. I took it in my bathroom mirror right before I headed out to teach my 9 a.m. Zumba class (hence the tasseled pants).

Let me tell you - even I was astounded at how cute and baby-bumpish I look in this photo. It has to be the lighting, or my position, or the all-black-ness of my outfit. I got all kinds of, "Oh, you're just adorable!" and, "Aww, it's all belly!" comments. And I felt like a total fraud ... like I had Photoshopped my head onto a decent-looking pregnant body. Because, y'all? In real life, I swear I look much bigger than this. I'm already getting the stares like I'm about to give birth in the grocery store aisle, the reactions of gaping disbelief when I tell people I'm only six months along, and the "is-there-more-than-one-in-there" question (answer: there isn't).

Yesterday, I went to the doctor for a routine checkup - and of course, stepping on the scale was the first order of business. Yuck.

"Hmm, quite a little jump there," murmured the nurse. "Ten pounds since last time." Then she scanned my chart and raised an eyebrow. "Actually, you've gained ten pounds every time," she said. "That makes thirty pounds total. You've already gained more weight in these first six months than you should throughout your entire pregnancy. And you've still got a whole trimester to go."

Thanks for laying it out there. Tell me something I don't know, a-hole.

"Um, at least it's consistent?" I joked feebly. She wasn't amused. And I swear she didn't believe me when I told her - honestly - that I work out for six hours a week. I might as well have told her I was Angelina Jolie's adopted daughter from Outer Mongolia.

Then it was time to measure my belly - you know, where they find your pubic bone and then run a measuring tape to the top of your uterus. And she literally gasped in surprise, then consulted my chart again, then measured a second time.

"You've always measured right on target, but now you're measuring six weeks ahead of your due date," she said in disbelief. "I'm going to ask the doctor what he thinks we should do."

So that explains why I cried to Curtis the other day that I feel about ten months pregnant. I swear, I do. My left hip and back ache perpetually, I feel like I've been kicked in the crotch, I don't sleep comfortably, I waddle when I walk, and I can't breathe - which are things that usually only happen in the last month or two. At least before now.

Anyway, they've scheduled an ultrasound tomorrow to see if baby Corbin is just a behemoth or if I'm carrying extra amniotic fluid or what. Personally? I'm banking on behemoth. My boys have a habit of being huge.

And apparently, so do I ... even despite the Zumba. Because my thighs and double chin are just as pregnant as the rest of me.

That brings me to the whole point of this post in the first place: expectant mother parking. Do they have it where you live? In my town, there are expectant mother parking spaces at several shopping establishments. They're up front, right up next to the handicapped spaces. And they are awesome.

Except for one thing: non-pregnant people parking all up in there and acting like they're entitled.

Not too much can irritate me faster these days (except for my kids, who still - and will probably always - hold the record). I'm walking around like a blimp with legs and trying to corral three boys and groceries, so I think if anybody deserves an expectant mother space, it's me. Yet I swear, 95% of the people I see parking in those spaces are most certainly not pregnant. And if they are, nobody can tell; they're like five weeks along and have no need for special parking as yet.  

I don't park in handicapped spaces. Ever. Why? Because I'm not handicapped. I'm capable of walking. Would I like a space right up front? Of course. But those spaces are reserved for people who are handicapped. Just like the pregnant parking is reserved for people who are pregnant. Why is that so effing difficult to comprehend?

Last night I went to Walmart, and was totally psyched to get a pregnant space, because it almost never happens. As I was bent over in the backseat, huffing and puffing to get Coby strapped into his car seat, I heard an exasperated sigh behind me and turned to see a dude waiting for me to get my big arse out of his way so he could open his car door.

He - and his rail-thin girlfriend - were parked in the next "expectant mother" space.

And in the expectant mother space on the other side of me?

A fat guy munching on a bag of French fries.

I almost went off, y'all.

After I got the kids all buckled in, I made an extra-waddly lap around my car, just so those around me would see that some people actually do need these spaces and that more pregnant women would probably use them if non-pregnant asshats didn't park there.

I'm sure it didn't make any of them feel bad, but hey, a girl can hope.

*Oh, and PS - I know this is probably dumb, but after a couple of comments I got on my last post, I feel the need to clarify something. I don't make my kids separate breakfasts (or any meal, for that matter) ... the oatmeal thing was different flavors, but it was all oatmeal. I won't make one kid oatmeal, another cereal, another pancakes, etc. ... they either all eat the same thing or they don't eat. If they don't eat what's put before them, they know they don't get a snack until the next mealtime. And at lunch and supper, they sit at the table for the duration of the meal - it's just that at breakfast time, I'm running around trying to get my morning routine accomplished before taking Colin to school, and don't have the time to make sure everyone stays seated. 

Okay, I feel like a better mom now. Thanks. :) 


  1. My mom told me about your blog and I LOVE it! I'm almost 7 1/2 months pregnant and I've only been able to snag expectant mother spaces 3 (THREE) times bc old men in fancy cars take them. I feel ya lady!!!

  2. My mom told me about your blog and I love it! I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant and I've only been able to park in expectant mother spaces 3 (THREE) times because old men in fancy cars always seem to take them. I feel ya there!!!

  3. I agree! And I think those parking spots should be for NEW mother's as well. Nothing like trying to get a toddler and a tiny infant seat and a very sore body in and out of the mall or grocery store as well.

    AND you look WONDERFUL! Compared to that belly you look tiny everywhere else, the most beautiful of all your pregnancy even....

  4. I love you and your pregnant belly. And you know what? It is just weight. And it will come off just like the wright did from your other pregnancies. I know I haven't commented in a while, but it doesn't mean that I don't keep up with you. I love you, woman.

    And oh yeah...I totally feel you on the expectant mother parking. I hate it. It ticks me off sooooo bad.

  5. When I lived in Utah they have the Mommy spaces all over....I always was a bit jealous because I was not a mom back then. Here in The Land of Enchantment...not so much. So, I park and slowly move toward the entrance to the store -- with my big 38 week pregnant self.

    As for weight not worry about it. My OB always says to not worry about it, and so I don't. Because there was one month I gained 15#s. The nurse was a bit freaky about it, but I reminded her I had not gained any weight the month before because of being so morning-noon-and-nite-sick. You do look cute in that picture, even if you don't feel it.

    As for fat french fry guy and cool dude and his girl friend...totally go off next time... do it. :)

  6. You are lucky your town has pregnancy parking! We don't! I also have a husband who likes to park as far away as possible from the store. Ugh! I think he was trying to get me to walk more. I gained 40 lbs when I was pregnant. :/ But I didn't work out! You do look great and I seriously doubt you look that different. Pictures can't be that deceiving! :)

  7. I felt bad parking in those spaces unless I was at least showing and feeling the need for them! I don't know how those people live with themselves!

  8. I went through three pregnancies in a town with zero pregnant parking spaces, and moved here when Sophie was 6 months old, so you better believe I've been using those spots since the day I took a positive pregnancy test! I've been waiting THREE YEARS to use one of those up front spots. And fortunately they are almost always open at my grocery store. I would tell you to say something to people you see parking in them who don't look pregnant but I'd never have the guts to myself, lol. When I was in my first trimester I always had a comeback ready in case anyone challenged my right to park there- primarily involving my constant need to vomit.

    And I have totally gotten the "you've gained all the weight you are supposed to already and it's only been 6 months" speech before. My first baby I swelled up with so much water weight and my doctor was always lecturing me because he didn't believe me that I wasn't just getting fat. Then five days after I had the baby I saw him and had lost all the water and 30lbs, and he was like "OH! you were right!" That felt nice. You look great, I have no idea how you are possibly still teaching Zumba. I hope you don't have a 12 pounder this time!!

  9. Oh honey, we have commiserated about our mutual ability to gain sumo amounts of weight during pregnancy before. You do look fab, though. And I was actually wondering how the Zumba was affecting you this time around. The fact that this pregnancy seems to be in line with your other 3 positively convinces me that weight gain during pregnancy is genetic or something (I was already convinced, for the record).

    We do not have expectant mothering spaces that I've seen. We do have (rare) family parking spaces. I never use them because I've never felt like I needed to (the fact that I only have the one kid helps!). However, if you Google this you will see all kinds of misguided outrage about these spaces by childless people. Seriously. They are irate and feel bitterly entitled. It's weird.

    Also, please don't feel like you have to justify your mothering. Even if you did give your kids 3 different breakfasts, if it works for you, then it's no one else's concern.

  10. We have some expectant mother spaces and some that just say 'parent with child'. It always irritates me to see just 'normal'people parking in them!

  11. You look adorable! Not heavy at all. I looked way bigger when I was pregnant and just fat all over. So I think you're doing good. And shame on the non-preggers people for taking the pregger spots! You should get stickers made that say "I PARKED IN A PREGNANT SPOT AND I'M NOT PREGNANT AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY STICKER" and slap them on the windshield. Make sure they're good an sticky and hard to scrape off too. Of course, then you'd have to stalk the cars and wait till no one's around, but would serve them right.

  12. Whatever!! If you are following your typical pattern then that's just how it goes for you!!! It seems that if you are consistent with each pregnancy that is what your body does. My Dr and nurses never even comment, I think because they don't want to get stuck in a boring "fat" conversation.

    I have had 4 babies and started out 151, 164, 184, 192 (the last three were in 3 years) and I always end up 220 at the end. So I gained half the weight on the final baby but still end up the same! That is just how my body rolls (haha).

  13. Pregnancy parking really should be "mother/toddler" parking. AKA anyone with a carseat. And it should be in front, near shopping carts. This way you don't have to carry the writhing child all the way to the front of the store to try to get a carriage.

    And if you don't have a carseat in your car you should get a ticket. IMHO

  14. Pregnancy/Parent parking isn't a law so anyone can park there. When I had my twin girls there was no such thing as Pregnancy/Parent parking and we all survived. That being said, I do not park in those spots. I do not think saying something to another driver about parking in such a space will go well. I find that a lot of people can be jerks. Also, you do not need to justify the way you parent your sons to anyone. Everyone has different ways of parenting. Do what works for you! When my daughters were little I let them have a say in what they would eat that day. I would limit the choice to 2 or 3 things but I still let them have some choice. It worked for us.

  15. I do agree that you look adorable in your photos, and you look great regardless of the amount of weight you've gained. I'm feeling a bit huge lately, too.

    And seriously - that nurse can shove it.

  16. Also - I used my first expectant mother parking spot last week and it was kind of heavenly, I'm not going to lie. Although I felt a little like a fraud. I mean, I AM preggo, but I'm not about to pop and I don't have kids that I have to haul. Oh well, I'm taking advantage of this little perk anyhow.


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