Swyper, No Swyping!

I'm a texter. 95% of the time, I'd prefer to dash off a quick text (or twenty) than pick up the phone and actually talk. I think it's because while a phone conversation takes up time, I can do things in between texts - like wipe butts or fold laundry or clean an unidentifiable crusty patch off of my clothing. Plus, it doesn't matter if one of my kids is hanging off me like a starved leech whining Mooooooooommmyyyyyyy while I text. I'm a big advocate of communicating without background noise, y'all.

When I got my phone (a Droid Bionic, which I despise, but that's a story for another post), I was excited to see that it has a feature called Swype. Basically it does exactly as it says: rather than picking up your finger to tap each individual letter of a sentence (because that's, like, so strenuous), you can just swipe it over the keyboard and it intuitively picks up on what you're trying to say. Like this:

Most of the time, it's a pretty cool feature. MOST of the time. But I find myself irritated with it on a regular basis, especially when it's acting ridiculous. Like when I try to type "me" it sometimes ends up as "nd." So a sentence will say, like, Call nd later. Really, Swype? You're so smart and intuitive, yet you can't figure out that I'm most likely trying to say ME? It does that with several words. Drives me crazy.

It's lucky that I'm a sucker for Damn You Autocorrect-like typos ... er, Swype-os. It makes plenty of them, and they're often amusing ... because my phone is secretly a pervert. Like the time my friend Lindsey texted to ask if we were having food at our Halloween bonfire. When I texted back that we were having s'mores, my Swype apparently didn't recognize the word "s'mores." Because it autocorrected it to "boners."

And who doesn't love eating boners around a bonfire?*

*Not that I have experience with this type of thing. I promise.

Or the other day, when I tried to text Curtis, "I'm tired" ... it came out as, "I'm turd."

Or the worst: when, during a text, I meant to write, "I really need a nap" ... but because I forgot to put a space between "a" and "nap," it turned into "I really need anal."

Yeah. I'm glad that was a text and not a Facebook status. I might've lost a few friends over that one.

... Or, you know, gained a few, depending.


  1. Girl I feel for ya... my smart phone is also a Dumb pervert. I despise swype. But tapping is just as bad. I was voice texting one day and was telling my mom I would see her Monday it said something about molesting. It was soo funny that I had to send it then call her before she read it!

  2. That's too funny! My husband's Samsung has that feature too. He no longer uses it.

  3. I'm SO not a fan of swype. I gave the Samsung Stratosphere a test run for three days and gave it right back. I'll stick with my keyboard keypad any 'ol day of the week.

    Faster, BAH! I don't believe it for a second...


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