Now, without further ado, I would like to present to you some actual search terms people have used to reach my blog. Sometimes creepy, but always hilarious.
#1: Zombie Motivational Sippie Cup. Because nothing motivates a small child to break free from the bottle than the prospect of staring at something scary while they sip their juice.
#2: Lick my heels. Seriously? If someone licked my heels right now, they'd feel like they had run their tongue over a cheese grater. I mean ... it's winter.
#3: Sometimes I like to lay on the floor and pretend I'm a carrot. Well duh. Don't we all?
#4: Thus, the solution practically in our hands. It's so obvious why this search term ended up right here at the Frump: I have all the answers. Just ask me.
#5: Frickin' tulips. I know. Flowers are sooooo annoying.
#6: Priceless turd. I don't know why somebody would Google this, but I sincerely hope they found what they were looking for.
#7: Knock knock jokes about volcanoes. ... I'm pretty sure that was Colin.
#8: My wife keeps farting. News flash ... it's because she's your wife now and not the girlfriend who was trying to impress you. You put the ring on it, and now she's all, "Ahhh, I can let my guard down. *fart*"
#9: The most amazing inspirational picture ever. You know, I always try to put a picture with each post. And I'd like to think that whoever came across my blog with this search term found exactly the picture they were looking for. I mean, I have a whole array of them - perhaps this little number?
This inspires me, all right. ... To brush my teeth.
#10: Nosepicking funny boy. Well, there's no better place to go for that than here, is there?