The Secret to Teen Pregnancy Prevention
Warn them about stretch marks.
When it comes to stretch marks, I serve as a cautionary tale. Due to a ruthless combination of massive pregnancy weight gain and skin with ZERO elasticity - thanks on both counts, Mom - I've been left with stripes on my abdomen that rival a zebra's. Actually it's not just my abdomen - it's from ribcage to hipbones, if you want to get specific. (Also the boobs, and behind my knees for some strange reason ... ugh!) Here is a glorious picture of my actual pre-baby stomach:
And then there's the "after." While this is NOT actually me - that would just be toooooo humiliating - it's safe to say it's a pretty damn good representation:
Note the difference: much more flab (it reminds me of bread dough!), and the appearance of having been clawed by a tiger. I swear, once I was watching "Jon & Kate Plus Eight" and saw a video of Kate Gosselin's stomach pre-tummy tuck. The woman had eight children, six of those all at once, and her stomach looked only marginally worse than mine. No "miracle" lotion or potion is going to remedy my poor stretched-out stomach: it's going to take nothing short of surgery (which, come hell or high water, I will undergo once I'm done having kids).
Anyway, I've found through experimentation on my teenage nieces that giving them a glimpse of just a two- or three-inch area of saggy, stretchmarked skin sends them reeling backwards in shock. It's amusing, watching their eyebrows approach the ceiling as though they've seen a ghost. I've never had to show them my entire stomach because just a tiny peep is enough to elicit an almost-universal response: "I'm never having kids."
Maybe that could be both a valuable civic service and a lucrative business idea. I could get paid an exorbitant fee to bare my belly to unsuspecting teenagers, like a circus freakshow - "You could look like this!" - and, at the same time, reduce teen pregnancy rates.
Hey, it's a thought. :)