The following is an actual conversation had in my house over the weekend.
Let me set the scene for you. Curtis and I are watching TV in the living room and the boys are - well, doing whatever it is the boys do when their parents are otherwise occupied. Suddenly, we hear Colin and Cameron shrieking with laughter.
Cameron: Guess what I did! I just licked poop!
Me: Poop? From where?
Colin: The bathroom counter.
Curtis: .............. (Did I mention he gets really engrossed - or at least pretends to - in the TV?)
Me: Why is there poop on the bathroom counter?
Colin: I don't know! But Cameron licked it!
Hysterical laughter persists. I am not amused. I reluctantly haul myself off the couch to investigate the bathroom counter. Much to my relief, it's not a big smear of poop at all - more like a tiny speck, which is more than likely not even poop to begin with.
Me: Guys, that's not poop. I think that's chocolate chip. Didn't you have a cookie in here earlier?
Cameron: Yes. But then what's that? *points to faint brown smudge along the bathroom door*
Me (not so convinced any more): .... Uh, chocolate chip?
Colin: What's this one, Mommy? *points to a brownish smear on the wall*
Me: .... Uh .... chocolate ... chip?
Coby: And do you know what this is? *points to a crusty glob beside the brownish smear*
Me (squinting. This one can't pass for chocolate chip): I'm afraid ask, Coby, but what is it?
Coby (gleefully): A booger!!
Clearly I need to deep-clean.
And teach the boys to use toilet paper (and Kleenex, apparently).
... Or at least not to eat chocolate-chip cookies in the bathroom.