The other day I was creeping on my mom's Facebook profile pictures for one to steal, and I found this one. It's one of my favorites, taken just a couple of months ago.
See how young she looks, how beautiful her skin is? Can you guess her age? (If you've been on my Facebook page, you already know, but let's pretend you don't, k?)
She is going to be sixty-eight old in a month. Sixty. Eight. THAT IS DAMN NEAR SEVENTY YEARS OLD.
There is zero airbrushing in this photo (I mean ... she barely knows how to upload them, and she couldn't crop to save her life, so I know she doesn't have any fancy Photoshop tricks up her sleeve). She has had NO plastic surgery: no facelifts, no fillers, no Botox, no nothing. This is just literally the way she looks.
Let's get a better analysis.
While I'm obviously proud of my mom's stunningly fabulous skin, I'm also a little bit (okay, a lotta bit) pissed off. Because here is a photo of my actual THIRTY-FOUR-YEAR-OLD forehead:
And no, my bathroom wall is not booger-green.
... Okay, maybe it is in some places. Damn kids.
Anyway, how is it that my mother, the contributor of half of my genetic material (not to mention twice my age), has a less wrinkly face than I do?! In this case, the apple fell so far from the tree that people find it and are all like, "Hmm, how'd this apple get here?" When I ask her, she just shrugs and contributes it to longtime usage of Mary Kay products.
If that's the case, I'm going to BUY ALL THE MARY KAY.
Seriously though, why is this happening to me? Why does my forehead look like somebody drew stripes on it with a ballpoint pen, while my senior-citizen mother looks like she just stepped out of a medi-spa?
Oh yes. Because I apparently walk around looking something like this all the time:
(Sorry about the cat butthole.)
I think that whatever gene is responsible for the good skin just skipped me entirely. Because I'm pretty sure my mom's parents were made of porcelain. See?
If you need me, my wrinkly face and I will be panhandling on a corner to raise money for Botox. With sunscreen on, of course.