Here, Use My Shirt

Add another skill to my roster of mommy superpowers: apparently, I'm a human Kleenex.

I've had plenty of stuff wiped on me since I became a mother, sure. But lately Cameron, my youngest, has taken it to a new extreme. He's getting a few new teeth and has a cold with a runny nose - a combination which leads to the lower half of his face being perpetually slick with drool and snot. So what do you do when you're 16 months old and can't reach the tissues? Wipe it on your mom, of course!

I guess it isn't very motherly to run away when you see your baby approaching you, but seriously, I hate being used as his personal handkerchief. I blot the yuck from his face as often as I can, but unless I want to abandon all my other daily duties in favor of following him around with a tissue, there's no way of catching every nasty drop. So he takes it upon himself to rid his face of the slime. Which means that no matter what I'm wearing, there are odd crusty smears just above the knees (his face-level when he's standing on the ground) and on the left shoulder (his preferred wiping place when I'm holding him). It's the ultimate accessory: nothing screams "Mommy" like patches of dried snot.

The worst came last night when, at like 12:30, Cameron decided to wake up. I put him back in the bed and laid beside him, where he coughed all over me, spraying my face with moisture, and then wiped his face on my T-shirt until it was literally sticking to my skin (ugh!). This morning, I awoke with a lovely sore throat.

Coincidence? I think not. More like consequence ... the consequence of being a human Kleenex.


  1. LOL too funny! Sorry you both are sick though!

  2. Hmmm...never thought about that part of being a mom. At least you're not human toilet paper, I guess. Hope you both feel better soon.

  3. Ugh! I remember that part of parenting.....not my favorite!

  4. Jennifer, I won't go into details here, but I HAVE been human toilet paper too. :) It's like when it comes to my children's bodily fluids, I'm never completely safe.


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