Oh, B-O-L-L-O-C-K-S!


When you've got little kids, spelling things out can be a valuable tool. You can talk about stuff in front of them without them having any idea what you're saying. For example, when you're discussing whether it's too H-O-T for a trip to the P-L-A-Y-G-R-O-U-N-D. Or whether they've eaten enough dinner to merit some I-C-E  C-R-E-A-M. Curtis and I spell things out in front of our kids on an almost-daily basis.

So last night (which happened to be Colin's fifth birthday - aww!), Colin and I were sitting in the living room watching some TV. Curtis had been in the bathroom for a while, and when he came out, I said, "Honey? Will you please bring me a drink when you come in here?" He obliged with a glass of soda and joined us on the couch.

I raised the glass to my unsuspecting lips and was immediately inundated with a smell that wasn't coming from my Pepsi. It was an aroma that - let's face it - any woman who's ever a.) done a man's laundry or b.) been spontaneously intimate with a man is familiar with. That musky, not-so-fresh odor which indicated that Curtis had clearly not washed his hands after his restroom trip. Y'all picking up what I'm laying down?

Yeah.

Over the rim of my glass, I narrowed my eyes at my husband. "Um, Sweetheart?" I said. "This glass smells like -"

And then I caught myself. Colin was sitting between us, and at the rate he's been reading lately, he picks up on a lot of the simple words. If he can read The Cat in the Hat in its entirety, he would probably be able to decipher what "This glass smells like B-A-L-L-S" meant.

So I said, "This glass smells like T-E-S-T-I-C-L-E-S."

Instantly, before Curtis could even answer, Colin burst out with, "Testicles?!" and began to laugh hysterically.

Yeah. Turns out I had grossly underestimated the spelling abilities of my brand-new five-year-old, who I thought might be able to figure out how to spell "balls." I thought I was playing it safe with the whole "testicles" thing. But apparently I was dead wrong. And now I'm actually kinda sad: if he can spell testicles, he can probably spell damn near anything, and our parental "secret code" will have to be put to rest.

Ah, well. It was useful while it L-A-S-T-E-D.
   


Comments

  1. Oh, yeah. It's a sad, sad day when you can't spell words in front of the kids anymore. RIP the good old days.

    My favorite of my sister's was when she would spell out ice cream she would just spell I-C-E. And then when she would actually say ice cream sometimes she would shorten it up to ice. And she was always shocked when my two year old niece would get what she was saying until I revealed to her she was pronouncing "ice" once she got to I-C. Now that I think about it, why was she just calling ice cream ice?

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  2. HAHAHA! I'm only laughing because I have the same problem with my four year old! Kids are too darn smart for their own good aren't they!!!

    Have a great one!
    Theresa
    www.full-time-job.blogspot.com

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  3. This only works when both of you can spell. I'll try to spell something out for David, but he is one of those has to see it people and he never gets it. I usually end getting mad and saying "never mind."

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  4. OMG - that's very funny. Well, kinda gross on one hand, but funny one the other! He's a little genius.

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  5. Hahahaha- I have run into this SAME problem!

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  6. HAHA...too funny. It's amazing what age those boys can spell man parts!

    We can't spell c-o-o-k-i-e anymore or any kind of dessert for that matter, they seem to have caught on.

    Happy 5th birthday to your son!

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  7. Lol that is too funny!!!! Gotta love how quick kids pick up on things.

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  8. That is awesome! Not that your glass smelled like testicles, but that he could spell that. I remember the good old days when we could talk about going to the P-A-R-K without tipping her off. Lasted until she was about 4. We used to say B-E-D around that time, and she said, "Huh? Beed?" so now we say it's time for beed. She's 11 but it's still funny. :)

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  9. Ok...sorry your secret code is broke...but why isn't anyone saying "OMG Rita, I just pissed my pants by laughing at the whole Curtis not washing his hands thing?" Well, i'm saying it..and i'm only laughing because i've had this exact thing happen to me...not only is there my fantabulous husband in the house, but 6 other boys who love to make me a drink!!!! You gotta love it!!! BTW, #6 graduated from Kindegarten today...sorry, proud mom.. Love your blog!!

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  10. Impressive. My hubby tries to spell at me all the time but I never get it so we play the find a synonym game.

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  11. Switch to Pig Latin. My mom and grandma were totally fluent in it and it took us FOREVER to figure out what the heck they were going on about!

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  12. Gosh. I can hardly spell testicles. I'm just impressed. You've raised a genius.

    And, seriously, hubs. Wash the hands. I just gagged.

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  13. Haha! What's even funnier is that had he not busted out in laughter, it would've probably taken Curtis a while to realize what you spelled.

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  14. LOL, you can't put anything over on that boy now! Pretty soon he'll be spelling things to you guys instead!

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  15. My hubby and I had the same problem when our now 10 year old (then 5 year old) solved that secret code that mommy and daddy F-R-E-Q-U-E-N-T-L-Y used...joy :? and then our dear friends taught us "Double Chinese" and our then 5 year old (now 10 year old) can't figure it out... yes...fist pump...

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  16. Ok thats just gross, well the part about your drink smelling like balls! ewwww
    And wow your kids is smart, my five year old is lucky to spell his name and its S-a-m. l-o-l!
    Now me and my BFF learned basic ASL in 5th grade and love to use it to talk in front of our kids...it drives her 16 year old so crazy she got the book "ASL for Dummys" Dang-it!

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  17. ok I guess I was wrong about Sam...He did learn what N-a-p was when he was two. :)

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  18. That is AWESOME! Well, it's gross, but it's so stinkin hilarious! Thanks for sharing that little gem. Love how you wrote the story as well, too funny.

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  19. i just had to laugh. and i'm sure colin was so proud that he could spell R-E-A-L-L-Y W-E-L-L :)

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  20. LOL, that's too funny. :) Kids are way too smart nowadays.

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  21. LOL, that's funny. Happy birthday to Colin!

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  22. My daughter calls her pacifier a bup. We spelled it B-U-P around her until now she asks for it like that... "Can I have my B-U-P?" Nice...

    Some parents text to each other to get around the spelling thing. I guess that works...

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  23. that is one smart five year old! and the BALL IS IN HIS COURT! snort.

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  24. First off, ewww. Second, that is some impressive spelling.

    LisaDay

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  25. Ah, yes, I always enjoy a good cautionary tale. :)

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  26. Get that kid in a spelling bee!
    Too funny. Happy B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y to Colin.

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  27. You can always switch to pig latin ant cay ew yay?

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