Brotherly Brutality

I promise I don't beat my kids.*

*Even though there are times when I'd totally like to.

But as covered in injuries as they perpetually seem to be, nobody would believe it. I swear, it has gotten ten times worse this summer - I guess it's the increase in time spent outside. Climbing leads to bumps and bruises. Running leads to scraped knees. Mosquitoes lead to bites, which are vigorously scratched even though I've told the kids a million times to leave them alone, which leads to scabs. And then there are the (constant) brotherly spats, which lead to even worse injuries, like fingernail and teeth marks and red welts in the shape of little handprints.

Poor Coby isn't even two yet and already seems to get the worst of it. A couple of weeks ago, Cameron accidentally toppled an (empty) bookcase over on his little brother, leaving a nasty scrape on his forehead and a bruise that was thisclose to being a total black eye. Then just a few days after that, Coby was playing outside when he tripped and hit his head on the corner of the concrete patio, resulting in a cut just above his eyebrow on the same side as his bookcase injuries. And soon afterward, a game of chase with his brothers in the kitchen left him with a fat lip.

I seriously wonder sometimes how on earth I ended up with boys. Because y'all? This rough-and-tumble bidness is going to give me a heart attack one of these days. I have the distinct feeling that if I had three girls, I wouldn't be hosing blood off my concrete or going through a box of Band-Aids a month. I highly doubt that sisters would try to strangle each other or leave scratch marks down one another's backs.

I hate when it's time for their annual check-ups at the pediatrician, because the boys are always busted up somehow. My mommy-paranoia kicks into overdrive and in my head I'm all, "I hope nobody thinks we're abusing them OMG what if they do OMG what if they get like taken away or something? Should I point out that they did it to themselves or would that just look suspicious like I was trying to hide something should I just not say anything or what?" Thank goodness they're old enough to talk now, so they can actually explain the injuries themselves. Especially since the last time, Cameron had a scab that looked eerily like a cigarette burn, and his doctor actually asked about it.

"Colin did it with the toy helicopter!" Cameron tattled cheerfully. He was glad to tell on his brother, and for once, I was glad too.

As if on cue, just as I was typing this post, a piercing scream erupted from the bedroom where they had been playing quietly, and Coby came hurtling out to the living room and threw himself dramatically onto the couch. Upon closer inspection, I noticed three scratches on both sides of his neck. Combination strangle-hold/fingernail-dig, I'd wager. 



  1. I'm still waiting for the day when Child Protective Services shows up to interview me because The Girl will run into things or trip and then say "Daddy hurt me." Doesn't matter that I'm at work when it happens.

  2. I had to take my little girl to the ER one night because her brother pushed her in the shower and she slipped and hit her head on the shower door and sliced her eyebrow open. Every person (doc, nurse,random tech...) that I came in contact with asked how it happened, just to make sure I hadn't done it!! She was two and all she would say is "A" did it! Thank goodness for tattling!

  3. Don't kid yourself, sugar and spice and everything nice is an urban myth. I took my daughter to the pediatrician specifically to document all the bumps and bruises from refusing to watch where she was going and my sweet daughters' Lord Of The Flies lifestyle because I was sure someone was going to call CPS. No one ever did, I think now because they were too busy putting makeup on their own kids' ouchies.

  4. I remember worrying about that when you kids were young. In one day, I went to the ER three....yes, THREE.....times with injured children. I was pretty sure someone would appear at the door to take them away, but the ER doc just shook his head and said, "You need to sit these kids on the couch for a day or two!" LOL

    Yet all of you survived. The boys will be fine, too, but trust me - YOUR nerves will never be the same! ;o)


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