I'd usually be teaching Zumba on a Friday morning, but I've taken my official leave until this mammoth infant vacates my uterus (five weeks - if that - in case anyone besides me is counting). And honestly, it's nice to have a break from teaching. Nobody would ever tell me this to my face, but I'm pretty sure I was looking like Humpty Dumpty up there. And instructing Zumba requires a certain swivel that my increasingly-immobile midsection just won't allow. Darned baby. I'm pretty proud of myself though - I mean, I managed to teach six classes a week until I was eight months pregnant. (Eight classes a week throughout my entire yucky first trimester!) So I think it's a pretty well-earned break.
If I could, I would probably lay in bed all day surrounded by a fort of pillows and watch horrible TV while wearing nothing but a Snuggie. But. I can't do anything close to that, because there's still the matter of these three boys I have to take care of, and oh yeah, a household to keep working like a well-oiled machine.
So while I'm on break, I'm going to do a few things that really need to be done. Namely:
#1: Clean out my closets and cabinets so that when my mother comes she thinks I'm always this tidy.
Here's the thing about my mother: she's a neat freak. Go to her house on any given day - do a surprise drop-by, even - and I guarantee you'll find nary a dust bunny under the bed or crumb on the countertop. Open her linen closet and you'll see stacks of neatly folded towels and sheets. Her drawers? Not a single thing left unfolded or crumpled and stuffed in. And though she would never say a word about it, I know she'd be secretly horrified at the state of my closets and stuff. Here's why:
Yeah. And this is after I organized it like two months ago - but the kids play in there (apparently vacuum attachments make great guns). I'm not even going to show you my bedroom closet because every time I open the door, I risk a crap-avalanche. Just picture my linen closet, but like ten (okay, twenty) times worse. It's because I don't have a dresser, and everything that gets folded and stacked on the closet shelf ends up toppling over and we just sift through it. (Also: I'm lazy.)
Mom, I know you're probably going to read this, and I know you're going to graciously say, "Don't worry about it! You've got more important things to do!" But I can't help thinking about the horror that would creep through you upon seeing the behind-the-doors messes. It would be traumatic, and I love you too much to subject your delicate, tidy sensibilities to that kind of torture.
#2: Potty train Coby so that I won't have two kids in diapers ... again.
For those of you who've been reading The Frump in the nearly three years since Coby was born (sniff, sniff ... where did my baby go?!), you may remember that I over-eagerly tried to potty train Cameron before his baby brother came along, resulting in this. And then, regrettably, this.
The thing was, I was sooooo scared of having two children simultaneously in diapers that I overlooked the fact that Cameron was one and a half, and just not ready to be potty trained. And it totally freaking backfired. And I ended up with two children simultaneously in diapers ... for like a year. Blah!
But I think we can do it with Coby. He'll be three in September, and he seems to be aware of his bodily functions. Although he's at that frustrating point where he'll only pee and poop in the big boy potty if a.) he is physically taken there and plopped onto the toilet, and b.) he's naked from the waist down. But we went through this same phase with Cameron at one point, and as I recall, it wasn't too long before he had it down. So. I've got a month to do this. Surely I can get it done in a month, right?
#3: Make my children totally independent so that I don't have as much to do when the baby comes.
I'm only sort of kidding here. I know that at six, four, and two, they're not quite old enough to like completely take care of themselves ... but I have this case of cold feet when it comes to taking care of four kids. Specifically: OMG how the hell am I going to do this? So I've been taking steps to get them in the habit of doing things for themselves. I'm letting Colin pour his own milk sometimes (cringe). I'm letting Cameron and Coby walk into the grocery store together, holding hands so nobody makes a break for it, instead of carrying Coby which is far easier at this point. I'm making them put their own plates in the dishwasher after every meal. Sometimes things like this aren't always easy, and they lead to more messes for now - but the way I figure it, I'd rather have an extra mess to clean up now than when I have an infant vying for my attention.
So anyway. That's my plan for my Zumba hiatus. Anybody wanna take bets on how much of it will actually be accomplished?