Sweaty Pits, Trails of Turds, and Mama Bears

You know how sometimes you've just got random stuff to say and none of it will fit neatly into a cohesive and well-formatted blog post or you're just too lazy to think that hard? Well, that's why today's post is kinda all over the place. Bullet-pointed for your reading pleasure.

- It was 80 degrees here in Iowa yesterday. I walked (okay, waddled) around perpetually pit-stained and sweating in places where only somebody's fat grandpa should sweat. Yet by Saturday? It's supposed to be like 49 degrees. What the eff, Midwestern weather? I should be used to these ridiculous temperature fluctuations, having been born and predominantly raised in this general region, but holy crapola. Don't mess around with me like that, Mother Nature, especially while I'm pregnant.

- Speaking of pregnant. I went to the doctor yesterday. I'm 35 weeks with a GARGANTUAN belly (seriously, y'all) and I was sincerely hoping the doctor would be like, "Oh my goodness! Let's just get that baby on out of there because obviously he weighs like nineteen pounds by now."

See what I mean? I took this one two weeks ago. And believe it or not, there's been significant belly gain just in those two weeks. Ugh!

Anyway, so I went to the doctor. First I saw an intern, who measured me and then got all frowny and checked my chart and measured me again and was like, "Wow, you have big babies, don't you? Oh, and they get bigger each time?! Har har har." And then I saw my actual doctor who measured me yet again - for good measure, I guess (insert laugh track here) - and he literally said, "Whoa, that's a huge baby. Well, see you in two weeks!"

Meanwhile, I feel like I'm about to split in half and everywhere I go, people think I'm either a.) about to give birth on the floor or b.) shoplifting. How the hell am I supposed to last another month? The baby is gaining like a pound a week. Where am I going to put another four pounds of baby?! If you read a news story about an expectant mother just exploding, you can be all, "Hey, I know that girl!"

- Coby is potty training like a CHAMP. I could not be more thrilled. Since I wrote about it last (oh my exciting life!) he is pretty much using the toilet 95% of the time ... on his own. Meaning I don't have to take him and manually place him on the throne 9,855 times a day. This is working out beautifully as long as he isn't wearing pants. I know that eventually I will have to get the child dressed from the waist down, but I'm hoping that by the time we need to go anywhere for more than an hour at a time, he'll be enough in the habit to stay dry.

Just a minute ago, I heard him messing with the toilet, so I went to see what he was doing. There was a turd trail from the boys' bedroom, a huge smear on the toilet seat, and his tiny little rear-end was covered with poo - but there was some in the actual toilet, so I count that as a success! Woohooo! I've just got to keep a positive attitude about it: while I'm cleaning up the kid with baby wipes and the mess with Clorox wipes, I keep repeating to myself two kids in diapers. Two kids in diapers. Two kids in diapers. It could be worse!

- Remember the other day when I blogged about Colin's suspiciously changed behavior at school (read it here)? Well, Curtis and I have an appointment to meet with his teacher on Friday. But yesterday, even though Colin had nothing but a smiley face in his daily report, he came out of school telling us that he'd been sent to the office at lunchtime for something that another kid did. He was pretty upset about it, so Curtis called the school to clarify what had happened. Long story short, the lunchroom monitor straight-up admitted to my husband that she had sent Colin to the office instead of the other boy because the other boy is confrontational and Colin is not.*

*bolded and italicized so the ridiculousness of that statement can truly sink in

EXCUSE ME?? You dumped my kid's lunch tray in the trash and sent him to sit out the rest of lunch in the office because you didn't want to deal with a confrontation from the kid who caused the problem??

I'm furious about this. And the school hasn't heard the last of it. Tell me, before I make an utter ass of myself: am I overreacting, Mama-bear style, or is this actually as infuriating as I think it is?

- Curtis went to the store for peanut butter and brought home Peter Pan All-Natural. Normally I love me some Peter Pan (I guess I'm not such a "choosy mom" since I don't choose JIF), but this variety is DRY as a BONE. OMG. I took a bite off a spoon and it took me like fifteen minutes to swallow.

Okay. I think that's all. Random enough for ya?


  1. First - you look great. Like - the happiest 36 week pregnant woman I have seen in a while. And happier than you looked in your other pregnancies. I know...I am a stalker. I have been around that long. :)


    Third - Mother nature is a bad word. In fact, in my house we don't even refer to her anymore. We say, she who shall not be named. It was 80 last weekend. There were 6" of now on the ground Tuesday when I woke up. EFF THAT!


  2. Oh no, that's infuriating. They should NOT have punished Colin. I'd be pissed.

    All natural stuff is generally disappointing I've noticed..

  3. OMG! I would march my ass up to that school and totally tell that teacher (& her supervisor) how RIDICULOUS her actions were! On a happier note: YEA for potty training success and only 4 weeks left until you start diapers all over :)

  4. You are not over-reacting. That comment proves that they just don't want to "deal" with it so they take the easy way out. Proof that the problem of bullying is not being handled properly. Please keep us posted on this. My son had an issue in school when he was younger and when I brought it up to the school they told me their course of action. Moved my sons seat, changed my sons lunch, placed my son into a different music class... the list go on yet NOTHING was done with the other child except a letter sent home about his behavior.

  5. On the other hand, all natural Jif is the best pb I've ever eaten. And you are NOT overreacting. Take a breath, march to the school and show that lazy assed lunch lady what confrontational is. She needs to grow a spine...and a brain.

  6. a) I completely hate you that the potty training is working - Sophie has flat out refused to get with the program. But frankly, I;d rather have two in diapers than poo trails all over my house so there's that.

    b) my husband would have to deal with the school if they were treating my kid the way they are apparently treating yours because if I got involved it would likely end with assault charges. Unbelievable!

    c) I can't believe you aren't at least at once a week OB appointments yet! Hope you have that baby soon - and I hope I don't beat you to the delivery room!

  7. So now the kid that actually caused the trouble in the lunchroom will continue to do it because he knows that he will get away with it and some other kid will get in trouble for it. That is just plain stupid and the lunchroom monitor who openly admitted it should not be there if they don't want to deal with the kid who is to blame and send an innocent child to the office. I feel sorry for the school because they now have you guys on the warpath and I know will not back down until they know who they are dealing with.

  8. You need me to come up there and beat up a kid for you? You and I both know I can handle it. Heck, give me a bottle of whiskey and some cooking tongs and I'll take care of the delivery while I'm up there. All I'd ask for is mileage and meals. Also you have to name the baby Travis.

  9. I agree that the weather is not cooperating. It's been nice this week and now supposed to rain all weekend (when I wanted to clean out my storage shed).
    I know how frustrated those last few doctor appointments are, and I sure hope they decide to do something a little early!
    So happy that Coby is doing well with his potty-training! Now he'll really feel like a big brother!
    As for the situation with Colin, you know how I feel. It's a good thing I'm not going to be talking to the school.....I'd be totally socially-inappropriate! The lunch-lady needs a good swift kick! Don't back down!

  10. Um, maybe Colin isn't confrontational, but I'd sure as hell show them that his Mama can be!! This is the perfect time to bring out the mama bear--put those pregnancy hormones to good use, then reward yourself with a new jar of peanut butter--complete with all the yummy preservatives and all!!

  11. i oh so would have gone up there told them how i felt and if they didnt like it oh well, in times like this momma bear need to be out!!!!!!!!!!

  12. I think you have all rights to go Momma Bear on them!


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