Houses with six people in them (plus two dogs, plus two cats) are not going to look like they were ripped from the pages of Better Homes & Gardens magazine, or Pinterest (remember the My-House-vs.-Pinterest comparison poem?). Unless you have a maid, which I do not, despite asking God and Santa and the universe in general for at least the past ten years now. Hmmph.
I might have random, unknown substances dripping down my kitchen walls ...
I'm not tasting it to see what it is, but one of my kids might.
... And orange Cheetos (Cheeto?) residue adorning my bathroom light switch ...
They'll definitely lick that off.
But despite the cluttered chaos that reigns 90% of the time, there's one thing that I - and from my experience, most moms - pride myself on: the ability to locate anything. No matter how long-buried or obscure. And it's a good damn thing, too, because nobody else in my household seems to know where anything is, ever. (These are children who will yell that they can't find their shoes when said shoes are literally three feet away from their lazy, non-looking eyes.)
Moms have an amazing mental inventory of every single item that has come through the doors of the house. Ever. This includes, but is not limited to, the contents of the refrigerator and freezer and storage boxes in the garage. I think it's a trait that has evolved out of necessity, to save lost-item meltdowns (and therefore preserve maternal sanity).
Kid wants to know where his Minecraft t-shirt is? Easy: check the bottom of the laundry basket (what? It's only been wrinkling in there for like three days). The Ninja Turtle figurine is missing his weapon? Last I saw, it was (inexplicably) riding in the bed of the remote control truck. Where's the remote control truck? It's under your brother's bed. That plastic disc launcher thing that came out of a Happy Meal like four years ago? That's in the closet, in the bin marked "Vehicles" even though it has nothing to do with vehicles whatsoever.
I know how many chicken breasts are in my freezer, how many rolls of toilet paper are under my sink, and where my husband's old Air Force uniform is. I can tell you that the high school yearbooks are in the third plastic tote in the stack against the wall of the garage, and that there's a bag of bottles, pacifiers, and breast pump parts stashed in the storage room under the stairs. (I'll never need them again, but I just can't bear to throw them away ... yet.)
It's an amazing Mom trick. Like the Five Things Moms Do Better than Ninjas. We just come naturally equipped with these skills. I can't remember how old I'm going to be on my next birthday (note to self: 34), but I know that there's a Transformers DVD under my TV stand and a supply of Halloween and Easter buckets on the top shelf of my closet. With extra Easter grass stored inside.
I may not put my cleaning supplies to the best - or most frequent - use ... but at least I know where they all are.
... Which is more than I can say for my husband.