Finders Weepers

I'm glad the typical visitor doesn't go poking around in my house. Because there's no telling what they'd unearth, for real. It might scar somebody for life.

I've found more than my share of surprises, many unpleasant: like rotting corn in the toy box, for example. Poop in a kitchen playset. A half-eaten PB&J sandwich, petrified, under the bunk bed. Sippy cups full of curdled milk. A water gun full of urine. A stuffed Elmo in the freezer. A blackened banana under the couch. Pee on my pillowPoop in the closet. A random pair of the boys' undies in my van. Pineapple chunks in my bathroom sink.

... The same sink that, coincidentally, is home to this:

Also a surprise, clearly. And totally stuck in the little overflow-hole-thingy forever. 

Not long ago, I kept seeing this nasty little thing lying around:


Any guesses? I found it laying around in several places - this one being the bottom of the boys' bookshelf. Given my history of finding incredibly gross stuff, you can imagine what I thought it was. And I had a momentary freak-out every time I laid eyes on it.

Turns out, it was just Mario's missing mustache.


Whew.

I sewed it back on, but thanks to my lack of sewing skills, it now looks like Mario has a turd taped to the side of his face. It's a little crooked, y'all. But at least I don't have a mini heart attack when I encounter it in random places any more.

Yesterday, I found this:


My decorating abilities may leave a little to be desired, sure. But that flip-flop isn't actually supposed to be adorning my candle sconce. This is on the wall in my hallway, high enough that the kids can't reach, which means the shoe must have been flung there ... and then left.

I'm attempting to teach the boys that everything has a proper place. Thank goodness they're FINALLY learning that lesson when it comes to, like, poop. But I'm pretty sure my days of finding "surprises" are far from over.

What's the weirdest thing you've ever found somewhere?


38 comments:

  1. Thank goodness that's all that was- it looked gross!

    I've found poop in weird places. Food shoved under the couch.

    One thing you can count on in my house(I was just yelling this yesterday) is that you can always find at least one pair of underwear dropped in the middle of every freaking room in the house. There are currently 4 pairs on the floor in my living room and one on my kitchen floor. Seriously, boys, wth?

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    1. Shell, my boys are the SAME way!! Underwear everywhere!! Which is actually pretty ironic since they never want to wear any. :/

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    2. Anonymous6/6/14

      My problem is my 16 year old daughter leaving her bras everywhere. Usually hanging from a kitchen chair or on the coffee table. She takes it off as soon as she walks through the door (I can understand that!) and just flings it.

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  2. I have two boys, 5 & 3 and I am constantly finding their toys/toy parts (legos in particular) under furniture but not so much in weird places! Not yet anyway...
    Thanks for your posts/blogs! They so funny and relate-able!

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    1. Thanks, Jamie! :) Yes - underneath furniture is a catch-all. The last time we moved our couch I found the baby gnawing on some Cheetos. We hadn't had Cheetos in like six months. Ewwww ...

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  3. Miranda5/6/14

    I have never laughed so hard. Mom of three boys 1,3,8. We own our own mario. Daily I find myself finding a moment to read your blogs! Finally I have found a mom who I understand! My middle son is in a poop phase. Which is beyond well .... Interesting. As I was closing his door for bed last night behind the door were 2 hand prints in poop. Sunrise!

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    1. Hahaha! I feel your pain. I've cleaned up more poop-prints than I can shake a stick at.

      Hope your Mario's mustache fares better than ours did! :)

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  4. the other day spring cleaning - I found food in the chandelier! I also find legos everywhere, matching pairs of shoes in totally different place - like one upstairs and one down - how do you do that? Why? I find socks in my fridge, poop on the wall. . .right next to the toilet paper! I have 4 boys and I don't think I will survive being the only girl!

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    1. Oh, you're telling me - the shoes have been a terrible problem in our house. We've had multiple mornings when we're nearly late to school because someone could only find one shoe. I always tell them if they'd put things away in the proper place, nothing would ever be lost ... but, yeah. Maybe some day it'll sink in.

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  5. Very lucky it was just a mustache! My youngest is two and in the throws of potty training and if he has an accident he will just strip off his underwear and pants and leave them for me to step on. If hes not peeing in his pants hes walking around holding himself. No real reason either lol he acts like it will fall off if he isnt holding it. Boys will be boys I guess

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    1. Oh yeah, there are hands on the junk ALL THE TIME in our house. And I've found plenty of peed-in undies laying around. Gotta love potty training time!

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    2. Sometimes I wonder if its wired into their DNA or if they just see their dad do it constantly so they just think thats what guys should do lol

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  6. This immediately brought to mind our lego ingesting incident last month. The baby '11 month old' was having her diaper changed by yours truly and I found a solid in it. It turned out to be (after having all the poop washed off, by yours truly, again) a lego man's helmet's visor portion. At least it was roundish and passed through. Honestly not as fun as when the 3 year old pooped out a long worm... well after washing off the worm, it turned into a long string.

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    1. Ewwwww ... to the poop and the "worm" and all of it. It's amazing what we go through for our kids, isn't it?!

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  7. Anonymous5/6/14

    My husband found the keys to his truck in the guest toilet.

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    1. Eeeek! Thank goodness nobody flushed!

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  8. I ran a chunk of chicken through the dishwasher once. It had gotten caught in the silverware holder thingie. I've washed too many lego pieces and nerf darts to count, and have found dirty socks flung in all sorts of places, most notably on the fancy decorative (high) shelf in my living room. Long live little boys! Lol

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    1. OMG this just reminded me of the time I ran an actual TURD through the washing machine!!! There's a post about it around here somewhere ...

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  9. Two of my younger boys (ages 8 and 10...there are five of them ages 18 down to 8 with another BOY on the way!) like to leave a GIANT plastic spider random places for me to find...like in the laundry room or a kitchen cabinet. There's also a giant lego spider that get's hung in random places to scare me...hummm seems to be a theme here ;-) The list of random things I find in my purse thanks to the boys is pretty long too...tennis balls (ya know the kind that they find and have no idea where they've been, but decide they should keep), rocks, socks, sauce packets...etc...

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    1. Oh yeah, my purse is full of stuff that isn't mine! It's pretty ridiculous!

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  10. Anonymous5/6/14

    Pee in the garbage can (multiple times), yogurt raisins in bed (which was better than up the nose which we had in earlier years). We finally resorted to using duct tape on my son's diaper after getting hit multiple times in the morning with a flying, poopy mess!! Currently I have a high shelf/window draped with an old sock, multiple darts, a super ball, and a paper airplane. Could be worse!!!

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    1. Totally! I have a ledge in my living room that I can't even see the top of, let alone reach. I shudder to think what might have collected up there throughout the years ...

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  11. When my son was potty training he put a little turd in the fish tank. My husband and I saw it floating and it was just a little bigger and darker than the actual fish food and neither of us had fed the fish!

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    1. Bahahaha! Oh, Carrie! Thank goodness the fish didn't decide to have a little snack. ;)

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  12. I once found a Cheerio in my loofah. The scary thing is, I think it came off of me, somewhere, as I was washing myself.

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    1. Oh yeah - I once went a long period of time, I'm talking hours, with a Cheerio stuck to my pants. And that's just the time I'm actually aware of ...

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  13. I've found alot in my time too, but the things that come to mind are: a cup full of pee in the shower, tongs in the bath, whisk in the yoghurt, undies on the ceiling fan...

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    1. It certainly makes life ... interesting. Doesn't it? :)

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  14. Oh my goodness. We've found bizarre and gross things, too, along the lines of your list, when our kids were very young. Now they're 9 and 7 years old, and after a week of summer vacation, let's just say there might need to be a stricter routine at our house than "Relax, school's out!" Here's my very, very short post about it: http://wp.me/p1MOqK-pZ

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    1. YES! Sounds like my house!! Thanks for sharing. :)

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  15. I'm glad to know my kids aren't the only nudists. My boys (6 and 4) love to tell me their clothes are "distracting" them and so they need to take them off....yeah....

    My oldest went through a phase of refrigerating his Lego creations....for whatever reason....he never did really explain it. They just were often there when I opened my fridge.

    My children also like to take my kitchen utensils and build "traps" out of them in the living room. I often can't find the spatula I need because it is in some creation elsewhere in the house.

    Whoever bought our old car might also wonder why there seems to be something in the dashboard.....yep, my son decided that he should take some loose change and store it in the dashboard....and we could never get it out....so it is still there....forever probably....

    I also saw one of the boys stick something into one of the living room heating vents.....so I stopped them...and then looked down into the vent....there was an entire collection of items already there! I had to pull of the vent register and clean it out.

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  16. I am a SAHM now but I used to be a teacher, and after about two weeks of trying to figure out why the boys bathroom smelled so horrible (well, they all smell but this one worse than average), we discovered that one of our students was using the garbage can as the toilet because he was scared of the flush. The kicker was how EXTREMELY high the garbage can was! Almost as tall as him. He was climbing onto the sink to reach!! Ay yi yi.

    Love your blog!!

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  17. I've found poopy underwear stuffed in cupboards and toy boxes, a dirty sock in the pantry and then there's the multitude of rocks, little rocks, big rocks, my boys are obsessed with rocks. I find them EVERYWHERE!! I love your blog!

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  18. We found the remote in the toy kitchen oven. We were searching everywhere for it!

    I've also found random toys in the pantry. Barbie Shoes. Legos. Nerf guns.

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  19. Anonymous10/6/14

    Lots of the same things that everyone else has mentioned...underwear in the entry, dirty dishes under the couch, rocks & nerf darts in the washing machine. My youngest son liked to chew on the tires from Hot Wheels cars - so we would find those everywhere.

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  20. Rita, I've only recently discovered your blog and I love it. It gives me a peek of what my future boy mom adventures hold. I'm new to this gig so I haven't found anything really weird yet, but give me time. I find a lot of shriveled grapes and rotten apple cores that didn't make it in to the trash.
    Jill
    P.S. I'm glad you figured out what Mario's moustache was. That would have freaked me out too.

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  21. One of my 3 daughters put a frog in our freezer. And I'm terrified of frogs. I had to run warm water over a spatula to squeegee the popsicle-frog off the freezer bottom the throw the frog and spatula out.

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  22. Anonymous5/8/14

    I've found pee in the chalkboard chalk tray and pee under, yes under, the dresser.....he said he wanted to see if he could do it.

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