Kids + Calories = Conspiracy

Today I'm linking up with Foursons' "Letters of Intent"! But I don't know how to make the button clicky on here so you'll have to click the link instead. Just as easy, right? :) 

Dear Boys,

Why are you making it so difficult for Mommy to be skinny again?

I know what it is. You want to keep me soft and fluffy so you'll have a nice cushiony spot to lay, right? I mean, I can't think of any other valid reason why you've encouraged the piling-on of pounds since day one. "Oh, Mommy," you communicated to me as fetuses, in the form of cravings, "We need calcium to grow. Will you please send down a pint and a half of Ben & Jerry's S'mores ice cream?" Of course, being the good mother that I am, I indulged your needs for calcium. And everything else. And the numbers on the scale rose faster than a bottle rocket crept up.

I might've lost the baby weight easily after that, but no. Because then you got older and started eating "people food" like delicious grilled cheese sandwiches and stuff. But you eat like birds, and there are a lot of picked-at leftovers when you're done. And we can't have that, now, can we? There are starving children in this world. Plus it's a pain to dispose of all the cheese-stripped pizza crusts and hamburgers minus the burger part. So I often wind up cleaning up your plates as I'm cleaning up after meals. It's amazing how many calories a few kibbles of soggy cereal at a time can add up to.

And you know that thing I (try to) do every day where I jump around and sometimes lay on the floor? That's called exercise. But, darlings, it doesn't do me any good if I can't do it properly. Allow me to demonstrate with a couple of illustrations. This is what Mommy is supposed to look like when doing abdominal crunches:

But thanks to you and your evil canine cohort, this is what Mommy really looks like when doing abdominal crunches:

See the difference, boys (and dog)?

I understand why you want me to be pudgy. I mean, right now it's a comfort thing, and later on it's probably because you don't want your teenage friends thinking I'm hot (I know. My friends all thought my mom was hot when I was a teenager. Gross). But whatever the reason, your conspiring against me has to stop. I promise to be just as comfy - and later on, just as non-hot - when I'm back in my size nines. K?

Love,
Mommy

Comments

  1. ha, that's basically how I look when I try to get some exercise done. Only I have a cat that bites my hair, not a dog.

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  2. Love it! The most true letter EVER!! Stupid leftovers, they'll get us every time.

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  3. LOL! I love the illustration! Hubbys don't help in the weight loss department either with their insistence on having salty snacks and snicker ice cream in the house.

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  4. I LOVE your artwork!

    At least you TRY to exercise. I haven't even gotten to that point yet.

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  5. Ok ... that was a great Letter of Intent (especially the artwork) and it earned you a new follower! LOL

    Beth
    http://www.bethszimmerman.com/

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  6. The illustration is priceless...are you having any more kids? Don't bother until you are totally done because it just comes right back on!

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  7. why does sitting down translate into "crawl all over me?" I hate that. fortunately my kids like the gym playroom so I can get some time on the elliptical uninterrupted, but it hasn't done much good in terms of me continuing to stuff food in my mouth. I need to get more comfortable with throwing their left overs away rather than putting them in my mouth. good luck to both of us!!

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  8. Oh my! I love me some good illustrations! :-) Have you thought about going to a gym where they have a kid day care place while you work out? It might be worth the money! If you go to 24 hour fitness through Costco (you don't need to be a member of Costco to do it), you buy about 2 years in advance but if you break it down it's only like 12 or 13 dollars a month!

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  9. I really love that picture. I can't even tie my shoe without interference....lil shits.

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  10. HAHAHA...love the drawing.

    Mmmm...leftover grilled cheese and pizza crust. My weakness!

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  11. Yep, just last night I was cleaning up the kitchen and said to myself, "I hate to throw this little dab of mashed potatoes away, and there's just a tiny piece of meatloaf left....not enough for another meal." So of course, I stood at the stove and ate it.....under the guise of 'cleaning up' the kitchen. And the worst part is, I don't even have any kids at home to blame! ;o)

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  12. That's what I look like, too! Except I don't have kids and a dog... I got issues, huh! Another most excellent post!

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  13. My kids try to join in when I exercise, which usually means I step on them and they cry and then I stop...it is a conspiracy!

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  14. Love this! As I was reading, I was picturing myself eating the grilled cheese crust.

    Hey, my sister who is a total fitness nut, just sent me a workout video that I LOVED! It's called The Bar Method and all you need is a chair and a mat and some 2 to 4 pound weights, whatever size you prefer. It's based on ballet moves and it was great! The moves are really subtle and don't take hardly any coordination which is great for me, since I'm a total goob when it comes to following steps or anything. It's a full workout and it was awesome! By the end, my legs were jelly and I'm feeling it everywhere today, my legs, my triceps, my butt, my abs. I do have the accelerated version, but there's a basic version, too. I do a lot of different workouts and I have to say, I loved this one.

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  15. First, there is an HTML code under the button on my sidebar. If you copy and paste it into your post it should automatically link back to me.

    Secondly, I am thrilled to have you link up with me this week! I feel as though I've hit the big time now. :D

    And seriously, my youngest is turning 6 in a couple of months. I don't think I can call it baby weight anymore and that totally sucks.

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  16. I feel your pain. My kids are 23 and 25 and I am still trying to lose the baby weight. LOL Don't worry, things will get better. Have a great weekend.

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  17. Fighting Frumpy"s HubbyMay 15, 2010 at 4:10 AM

    I work very hard! However, I could never handle what you do. I appreciate you sweet heart!!! By the way, keep up the good work on your work-outs, you look great!!

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  18. My baby is almost 24 and I am still working on the baby weight! Weight is evil and being a Mommy is the greatest weapon in its nasty superpower bag of tricks! Hang in there, you have quickly gotten back down and beautiful, both times before and I have no doubt you will do it again!

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  19. That is a funny post! I love the name of your blog! Don't worry about the weight, you will get there! I am your newest follower. Found you on The Lady Blogger Society. Come visit me at Mama's Little Chick.

    www.mamaslittlechick.com

    Mama Hen

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  20. this is funny and true. i *imagine* doing the exercise and he's off doing some mischief.

    at least, you're trying...

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  21. I know that feeling - I used to do an aerobics class with other mothers. We'd split into two groups, one group excercising and the others babysitting, then swap. Sometimes the babes escaped from the creche group and end up interfering with the exercising.

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  22. Great artist AND blogger! AND mother!
    Wow! I bet you yodel and knit, too!
    Lovin' your place!

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