Parentese: a Primer
Did you know I'm bilingual? That's right. I have two languages in my vast verbal repertoire. (Marvel at my mad linguistic skillz.) There's English, which is my native tongue ... and then there's a language that I picked up a few years ago.
Example B: "As soon as the kids n-a-p, I'm going to eat the last of their c-a-n-d-y."
*Note: this form only works with small children. Never use it around a kid who is even close to school-aged, even if you're not sure they can spell, lest something like this happen.
-The "Don't say it!" eye-widen
-The nearly-imperceptible head shake
-The "Did the baby just say a bad word?" sideways glance
-The disapproving lip-purse
-The extra-loud throat clear