Book-Order Blues

Every month, Colin brings home a Scholastic book order form from school, and we pick out a few books to order. If there's one thing I would grossly overspend on, it's books - my kids have an overflowing shelf full of them. But I love to read ... and I've shared my enthusiasm for it with the boys since they were, like, in utero. So consequently they love books, too, and get (almost) as excited as I do when a new book order comes home.

Just a few minutes ago, I was browsing this month's order form, making our selections (Colin said as long as he got the 3D book about woolly mammoths he's been jonesing for, I could choose the rest). The descriptions of each story sounded so cute - things like, "Oh, no! Has Duck fallen into the soup? Hilarious friendship story!" and, "A priceless museum - does that mean it's free? Funny wordplay will have the whole family laughing!" A smile came to my face as I skimmed the page, picturing my boys grinning and laughing at the stories, colorful characters leaping off the covers of titles like Please Say Please! and Hooray for Reading Day!

And then I came across this: the "Animal Stories" Pack.

 ... And the clouds gathered.

Seriously? They may as well have called this the "Wipe That Smile Off Your Damn Face" Pack. I'm almost positive the author's name is a typo - because I'm sure they meant to credit it to Debbie Downer. I need an antidepressant just from reading the titles: Alfie All Alone; Sky the Unwanted Kitten; Max the Missing Puppy; Harry the Homeless Puppy; Sam the Stolen Puppy; and Lost in the Snow. Personally I think they need a few more in there for maximum killjoy quality. How about Reggie the Rhino Meets the Poachers and Lilly the Bulimic Llama?


12 comments:

  1. Hold smokes those are depressing, but perhaps good for learning the empathy all our children lack?? I dunno I'm just grasping at strands here. Hope your day gets happier.

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  2. Wow, depressing material for such little ones. Definitely not a book "bundle" of joy! The best part of that one is the savings! HA!!!

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  3. Holy crap those are sad! What's the lesson...."how to teach your kids that life isn't fair and that crap-storms happen??!!" OMGoodness! i don't even have to read the story for it to induce a crying fit!

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  4. I'm surprised that there is not one titled "And then your best friend Fido was run over by the Trash Truck"

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  5. UGH! Turn back to the more pleasant pages, please! I can't imagine why any parent would want that collection on their bookshelves.

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  6. OMG, too freakin hilarious! I once read a rhyme to my headstart kids "Lady Bug Lady Bug, fly away home. Your house is on fire and your children will burn...." WTF???

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  7. yes, those are depressing and I am not good with that sort of thing. I would own every stray in the neighborhood if I could!

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  8. Haha, I think I need to buy those. Weird.

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  9. Ha, ha, ha. It's like Disney movies but more obvious titles.

    LisaDay

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  10. My daughter has read the "Sky the unwanted Kitten" - she brought it home from the library. It did have a happy ending, thankfully!

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  11. those book titles pretty much make me want to drive down to the humane society and adopt a thousand puppies and kittens

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