Bathroom Break(ing Point)


Before I say anything else, I just want to offer up a huge shoutout to everyone who commented on my last post (see "woe is me" in the dictionary, and I swear there'd be a link). Thank you seems so pitifully inadequate, but there are no better words. Y'all lifted my spirits more than you'll ever know, and reaffirmed why I started this blog in the first place: because there are people out there who are in my shoes. It helps so much to know that I'm not in this boat alone! I am so grateful to you all for each and every kind word of encouragement that you posted - and also thankful to the haters for keeping quiet; I didn't get a single "shut the hell up and stop whining" comment.

And now that I'm feeling close to normal again, we bring you your regularly scheduled talk of toilets and all things that are (supposed to be) contained within.

See, I've been in a constant battle lately with my three-year-old. Cameron spends a ridiculous amount of time in the bathroom. He's the only person I know that poops approximately ten times a day. But it isn't because he has some crazy digestive issue, or that I spike his milk with laxatives or something. It's because most people, when they sit down on the john to do their bidness, do their bidness. You know, like, get it all out at once. But Cameron poops a little, proclaims that he's finished, and then goes back twenty minutes later to do it again.

Not only that, but he feels the need to remove every article of clothing before settling himself onto the throne. The bathroom floor is always strewn with cast-off clothing. I have to dress him multiple times a day.

It wouldn't be so bad if Cameron would just get in there and do what he needs to do and get out. But apparently it takes twenty minutes, minimum, to push out each little rabbit turd. And even that wouldn't be so bad - maybe even kinda nice - if he just sat there nice and still for twenty minutes. But no. He feels the need to play with things (which I'm sure has NOTHING to do with the fact that his father sits on the toilet playing Big Buck Hunter on his iPhone until his legs go numb). He fiddles with the seat behind him. He messes with the flusher-handle-thingy. He leans way over to peer behind the shower curtain. He has been known, on more than one occasion, to unravel a whole roll of toilet paper just to get to the cardboard tube at the center so he can play with it.

... Or, you know, eat it.

Yeah. Seriously. If you're new here, I feel compelled to explain that Cameron has pica and eats paper products. It used to only be soft stuff, like napkins and paper towels and whatnot, but has now expanded to include cardboard, photographs, junk mail, and the pages of books.

And that brings us to the umpteen-millionth reason why Cameron's bathroom habits have been reeeeeally annoying me lately: the eating of the toilet paper. He sees the toilet paper roll as his own personal snack buffet. And though he will eagerly gobble it dry, he prefers it ... are you ready for this? ... wet.

You can probably see where this is going.

Yeah, he dips it in the toilet. Dirty water or clean (and when I say "clean" I just mean un-peed-in), it doesn't matter to him. I can't even tell you how many times I've walked into the bathroom to find Cameron stuffing a dripping blob of T.P. into his mouth. And, consequently, drips all over my floor. And his hands, and his arms, and everywhere else.

So you can see that there's no allowing him to go to the bathroom unsupervised. Which is why I spend a substantial amount of time in there, rather impatiently urging him to hurry it on up. Which prompts protests of, "But I need privacy, Mommy," and answers of, "You have to earn privacy by not turning every bathroom visit into a total disaster, Son." Back and forth, back and forth.

Ugh.

The other day Cameron was talking to one of my besties, Lisa. She laughed and said, "You're a doll."

To which Cameron responded, "I'm not a doll, I'm a mess!"

Yep. Just about sums it up.       

11 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness the thought of him dipping it in the toliet and then eating is almost to much to handle. God bless you for dealing with that.

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  2. OMG! I feel WAAAAY more sorry for you after reading THIS post than the last one!!!!

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  3. I could see how eating TP might slow down the digestive track.
    I'm sorry.
    And I tried to comment yesterday and tell you that we love you and don't feel discouraged (because all I do is cook, clean, cook, clean and clean).

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  4. OMG your son sounds like my son's half brother. he has to get naked to poop, but he won't eat toilet paper. He's allergic to everything literally.

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  5. See, you already are making me feel better :)

    Take the toilet paper out of the bathroom, every. time. Have him call you when he's done.

    I'm still gagging over here.

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  6. OMG, I'm still laughing at the "I'm a mess" thing.

    I'm also trying to actively forget about the TP snack moistened in the toilet...

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  7. Ummm can you say lupus? Pica symptoms can be signs of lupus in young children, please get it checked out asap! BTW Brittany Gibbons of Barefoot Foodie just went through this with her son.

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  8. I think Cam and Lisa were both right.....he's a doll....who is also a mess! But what a cute, sweet mess he is! I do wish he'd quit eating odd things, but I supposed if his doctor isn't worried then we shouldn't be either.

    I remember spending lots of time sitting on the edge of the bathtub while some little person or other was sitting on the toilet. Tub edges are not comfortable as a place to roost for long periods of time! Let's hope this phase will be over quickly.

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  9. For some reason, this picture made me want to go find a mug that looked like a roll of toilet paper. Instead, I found this: These Are Actual Toilet Paper Rolls, (and someone has too much time on their hands).

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  10. You have a way of making me throw up in my mouth a little... YUCK!

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  11. "I'm a mess" - yup, lol, that says it all.

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