I'm a Crotchety Old Lady

I can eat Wheat Thins until my jaws and temples are literally sore from chewing. They're like crack. Anybody else?
Oh Wheat Thins, you are my kryptonite.

Just had to put that out there.

It's raining here today (finally!). But as much as I love the rain, it would be much MUCH better if I could spend this type of day doing nothing but chillin' in my bed. Unfortunately, I have to drop the kids off at the school. No, that is not a euphemism for having to poop; that's "dropping the kids off at the pool." And yes, I said kids, plural; Colin started second grade on Monday, and Cameron started preschool yesterday. They're in the same building, so we've entrusted Colin with the job of guiding Cameron to his classroom and signing him in. He did a good job yesterday, when we were with him, so I hope he doesn't just flake out and forget what to do today.

Anyway, the rain makes people act like idiots when it comes to dropping off their kids at school. Nobody wants their precious darlings to get sprinkled on (whereas I, unless it's pouring buckets, am just like, "Put your backpack over your head and run!"). They must be afraid their little sugars will melt when exposed to the big bad water droplets. Either that or turn into Gremlins.

So they want to get their cars as close to the front door as possible. Okay, I get that. But seriously, I sorely wish people would use some common sense (not to mention common courtesy!). These are the same people that (hopefully) tell their kids it's wrong to crowd and push and shove, and then what do they do? Crowd and push and shove. Well, figuratively, anyway. With vehicles, it's more like crowd and cut off people who have been waiting patiently for their turn and then just because the person waiting in front of me is texting and doesn't immediately notice the space opening up you maneuver your damn Suburban in there like you have a right to butt in line and I did NOT load my four kids into the car and wait for them to dawdle into their seats while I got soaked to the skin and schlep them all to the school twenty minutes early just to let you take my effing place in line damnit!

*heaving breaths* What? Oh. I mean ... yes. People should be more courteous at dropoff, is all. Whether it's raining or not. *smooths hair, wipes drool from chin*

Then when I got home there was poop on the floor. A lovely present left by a chocolate Lab who thinks that every time we leave we're never coming home. So to cope with this she takes a dump, and I guess that makes her feel better. Ugh.

My 32nd birthday is two weeks from today. (Email me for my wish list.) What's sad is that I'm now having to stop and calculate how old I'll be instead of just remembering it. Isn't that funny? When you're young, you know your age right down to the month: "I'm ten and three-quarters!" But when you're older, and you have your own kids whose ages you also have to remember, your age starts to get blurry, and you're all, "Am I going to be 31 or 32 this year?"

My age really sucked the other day. I use red wine when I make spaghetti sauce, and I was out, so I went to the grocery store. But there was construction going on and so the trip to the store, which usually takes like two minutes, ended up taking almost fifteen. When I pulled into the parking lot, I realized that I had forgotten my ID. Crap. So I went back home to get it. Rather than deal with the detour again, I decided just to go to an easier-to-access liquor store close by. And y'all? I didn't even get carded. Even though there was a big-ass sign that said something like If Customer Appears Under 45, Must Present ID. I mean, I might not look under 21 but do I seriously look over forty-fricking-five?

When I got back into the van I just sat there for a minute and absorbed it. I had just gone into a liquor store ... to buy wine for cooking. Wherein I did not even get carded. And was preparing to drive home in my minivan.


Coolness card officially revoked.

Speaking of uncool, it's almost time to hop back into the Swagger Wagon and pick up Cameron. Yay for preschool, boo for it only lasting two hours.

At least it's stopped raining.


  1. I don't usually comment - just follow Rita but I hear you so I must. I live in the UK and visit my in-laws twice a year in the US, every year I'm ID until this visit. Not. Once. I'm 35 in December:0(

  2. Yes! I love Wheat Thins. I could eat the whole box. I hear you on the rainy school day lineups. So glad that's done. I'm 35 and I am thrilled when I'm asked for ID at the liquor store. Happens less and less...

  3. I do like Wheat Thins. Yum.

    I haven't been asked for my ID when I buy booze lately. I'm like, "Am I looking older or what?"


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