Natural Disasters

This is AI-generated, y'all, but I assure you it isn't THAT far from the truth

There was a point in my life — you know, when I was young and, like, had time — when I wouldn't go anywhere without makeup. Ever. I'd have rather gone out without pants. 

Okay, maybe not that, but you get the idea.

When I was drowning in children became a mother, the makeup thing kind of went to the back burner. After all, it's kind of hard to successfully put on a face when your kids are in the other room stealthily gunking up their hair with an entire tube of gel or "cleaning" an unfortunate poop mishap with one of your good towels or eating candy out of the toilet.  (←Yes, these are all links to the stories of the actual aforementioned incidents, for your reading pleasure. Or maybe disgust? Click at your own risk, is what I'm saying.)

Once my kids were a little older and not destroying everything they touched whenever I turned my back, I started giving my looks some attention again. And for a good few years, I looked (mostly) put-together again. But now that I'm getting older, you can find me without makeup five or six days a week. As a disclaimer, that's probably because I leave the house like once a week to go to the grocery store — but still. I just don't feel as self-conscious about it as I used to. Which is weird, because if I ever needed makeup, it's probably now.

That brings us to the whole point of this post. When I'm weeding the flower bed or cleaning the house or doing something else mundane, I listen to the "Hot Hits" Spotify station. And right now there are not one, but two songs — sung by men — that mention something about how beautiful their significant other looks without makeup.

Excuse me? Who are these women they're singing about and what is their secret?

I suppose there are folks out there who do look their best when au natural, but I am absolutely not one of them. Without some mascara and lip gloss at the VERY least, I look like I've been dead for about twelve hours. All these songs saying stuff like "I want to wake up next to you with no makeup" leave me scratching my head. The only reason my husband wakes up next to me with no makeup and doesn't gasp and run for his life is because after 28 years together he's just ... resigned to it. At some point in the late nineties I catfished him to think he was snagging a woman who always looks good and, well ... sorry about your luck, buddy. 

The only thing I can figure is that these guys are singing about women in their twenties, when you don't even have to be pretty to be pretty. (Also, whyyyyy did I not appreciate those years when I was in them?! Ugh.) I'm gonna go ahead and assume they're 22 and in good lighting.

Meanwhile, I'll be rolling over in the mornings looking like I stepped out of Weekend at Bernie's. Apologies to my husband ... but he snores, so we're even.

PS — Did y'all know I made a TikTok account? Follow me there so you can see me without makeup ALL THE TIME!