Easter Basket-Case

So ... Easter.

I feel all devoid of the Jesus-ness because Curtis has to work on Easter EVERY YEAR, and I'm not - I repeat NOT - trying to take these kids to church and make them stay clean and well behaved all by my lonesome. No sir. Jesus, I love you man, but it would take a miracle for me to be able to attend a meaningful, stress-free Easter service alone with my kids while they're this age. I don't think He'd blame me, really. I mean, WWJD? Probably not try to drag three snot-nosed boys to church and keep them in line without assistance. Walking on water would be easier. Or turning it into wine, which, hey! I totally wish I could do that. Some Moscato would be nice.

Anyway, up until the last three years, church services have been a normal part of EVERY Easter - except the Easter that I was seven and spilled the entire contents of the communion tray (read: lotsa grape juice) down the front of my white dress and had to leave early, but whatever. So it feels weird not to attend a service, and of course my children aren't getting the experience either. Their Easters so far have consisted of the bunny, baskets, and all the chocolate they can pry out of my fingers shovel into their greedy little gullets. This year Curtis was put in charge of the Easter basket shopping and OMG. I never trust the man to go to the store by himself because he will buy two of everything and grossly overspend so I can't imagine what I was thinking when I was all, "Yeah, sure, go ahead and get the kids' Easter stuff. I'll stay here." Because the kids' baskets? Were taller than them. Cameron's was filled with sports stuff, a.k.a. balls to throw in the house and break things with, and Colin's was filled with lots of fun things like MARKERS and CHALK. I say "fun" because I really shouldn't use profanity in a blog about Easter. And candy ... oh, the candy. I'm proud to say I only had two packages of M&Ms a Reese's peanut butter bunny the ears off a chocolate rabbit some mini-Snickers a few jellybeans and some Starburst a little bit. It's called willpower, y'all.*

*Psshh, just joshin' ya, I don't really have any willpower.

So because we didn't get to go to church ... again ... I tried my best to explain to the kids why we really celebrate Easter. I knew Cameron and Coby wouldn't understand it, of course - but I really thought that Colin, at almost five, would be old enough to kinda pick up what I was laying down. He listened intently as I told him the story of Jesus' death and subsequent resurrection and afterward he was all, "And then Jesus made the Easter bunny?"

Looks like it's church next year. I'm telling Curtis to take a vacation day.


  1. My niece had three under 3 1/2 (yes, the one that has two 38 weeks a part - do the math), and there is no way she can even attempt to get to church any Sunday without massive help from the entire family. Thank goodness her husband was off this year, we had a really nice time together, the entire family with four babies! But I certainly don't blame you.

  2. We should probably go to church.

    I told Tommy the story of Jesus and he was all, "Cool, so he died and came back to life?" And that's basically all he took from the story.

  3. That was a fun read! My fam's not religious but I went to a church with dad to hear their great chorus, and for him it was reminiscent of his catholic childhood days. He was impressed by the heartfelt "Amen!"s, and said back in smalltown Foley, MN they kind of mumbled their way through it. I saw lots of surprisingly well-behaved kids in church. But no way were there 3 boys, all under 6, and really no way in heck were there single parents with young kids. Good choice, the rest of us thank you.

  4. Yeah, church without a partner and small children is never a good time. Shoot, my husband is there with me each week and it's still a bit of a nightmare. You should see the unholy mess of cheerios, goldfish, etc. that is left in our wake. Anyway, funny story, I got a good laugh. I am with you on not letting the husband go to a store alone. For whatever reason, they become retarded. My husband isn't even allowed to carry a debit card, because he just has that little of control. Sounds like your kids got good and spoiled.

  5. We were planning to go, but then didn't actually make it. My house was a disaster and everyone was coming over. It actually made the day a lot more relaxing and stress free. I think you can go to church any time. It doesn't have to be on the holidays.

  6. Fabulous post- me, I still have never colored eggs with my kids- much to my mother's dismay ... as for church, I always feel like it's one of those days that EVERYone who never goes shows up- which drives me batty!

  7. Yeah, I didn't suck down any Easter candy either. Not one bite. Ahem.

    Good luck with church next year. Maybe you should start preparing now.

  8. That is hysterical! We're messing these kids up with our giant rabbits and fat men who slide down chimneys. Seriously, who thought this stuff up in the first place?

    My husband is the same durn way. I, too, won't cuss in your Easter post comment. He freakin' bought my daughter 2 ducklings while I was out shopping with my sister the day before Easter. 2 ducklings! Because, that's what this menagerie needed. More animals.

  9. I know what you're saying, and Jesus understands.

    Better to have church at home with a true heart, than a bitter stressed out mom in a building.

    You did the right thing.

    Lovely blog. Glad I found it.

    And, yay! I have 3 boys, too!!

    We;ll have to stick together, to make up for the overpowering testosterone in our homes!!

  10. I hear you. We didn't make it to church either. I have a 2.5 year old, a 3.5 year old, and a 3.5 month old. I would have had help*cough cough* from my husband but I still backed out. Too much work! We did, however color eggs, several days before Easter though!

  11. I just came across your blog, and I love it! My hubby and I along with our 2 yr old attempted going to the Saturday night service since he had to work Sunday. Um even with two of us it was almost impossible. Short nap = evil child. He refused the childrens class and wanted to race his cars in the auditorium during service. Finally to start whining that he had to pee.....but is scared to death of public toilets...another tantrum to go home to use our toilet. And he held it....all the way home. I don't blame you at all for not taking your 3 by yourself!

  12. Well, by next year the boys will be older and it will be easier to handle them at church. I'll bet they would have enjoyed our Easter service here, though. It was awesome - a real musical production with rock & blues and everything else.

    I consumed more Easter candy than I intended to, so now I'm feeling guilty and getting back on my diet.....after the rest of the cake is gone. ;o)

  13. Oh that is funny! What the Empress said above is so true. I stressed myself and my kids out trying to get them to behave at church when they were all little. More then once we spent the entire service in the bathroom!

  14. http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/04/04/easter-sunday-awards-to-fill-your-basket/

    Happy Belated Easter!
    have fun for free stuff.

    lovely eggs,
    what amazing blog!

  15. YOur husband? Could rival my mom. My boys easter baskets from her were valued at about $200+ each child. For easter. Me? Give 'em candy, a couple of toys and NO MARKERS OR CHALK= EVER.

  16. how exactly does one explain the easter bunny and jesus and church and shit? bizarre!

  17. WWJD totally had me laughing. I need to incorporate that acronym into my writing. It is a necessity.

    And men shopping just isn't a good thing. I cringe when my husband says he'll go. I'm not sure why they spend like they do. Maybe they don't want to let their one chance in the sun pass them by?

  18. This post is an absolute riot! I can just picture you trying to take your three adorable little holy hell-raisers (and possibly a smuggled Josie?) to church, lol.

    Then again, maybe you should... imagine what a post THAT escapade would make! :P


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