This Place is a Dump

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I think I'm finally on the downside of the Horrible Plague of Near-Death ... also known as the heinous illness that caused me to spend two days draped uselessly across various pieces of furniture. I don't know if it was the fever, or the sinuses packed with sludge, or the fact that even walking a few steps set my heart to racing like I was working out with Jillian Michaels - but it pretty much incapacitated me. I only got up to do the necessary things ... such as pee and clean up raisins (see yesterday's post, which - yes - I managed to hammer out through a feverish haze. But don't look if you're, like, eating right now).

And of course since my workaholic husband is working - a fourteen hour shift last night - he wasn't able to offer much in the way of help. He forfeited a few hours' sleep yesterday to watch the kids while I napped, which was sweet, but, well ... yeah. My nap came at a cost. Because anybody who's ever known a man knows that, while they can work double shifts and supervise crews and maintain complex technological equipment, they cannot simultaneously a.) watch children and b.) keep things relatively tidied up. I'm sorry, I know that's stereotypical and sexist and all that, but it's also true - at least in my case. So while Curtis did keep the children from losing limbs or poisoning themselves, the house took a beating. Little boys who are largely allowed run amok do not a clean environment make.

What's worse? Today I can actually smell. And what I can smell is not pleasant. It's two days' worth of stuffiness from the house being shut up because I was too cold to open the windows. The dog pee on the carpet that Curtis cleaned barely blotted with a paper towel. The litter box downstairs that hasn't been touched (by anyone but two pooping cats) in 48 hours. The nearly-overflowing trash. The stale unwashed dishes in the dishwasher.

And the clutter. Ohhh, the clutter.

All waiting for meeeeeeee! Joy and rapture!

Honestly, I'm still not feeling 100%, and I could use another day to recuperate. But let's be real. I've got three little kids trashing up the place. And the thought of yet another day of yuck piling up on top of the yuck that I already have to deal with? Makes me sick in and of itself.

I can't wait until my kids are all old enough to clean. I'm writing up their chore lists already. Bwahahaha!



  1. Oh, I sooo hear you!! Mothers are not allowed to be sick! We must remain healthy until our children are at least 18. And if we are sick, we must hide it.
    Men are all the same. Mine is just like that. And my boys are older now, 6 & 8, so they don't need as much supervision or diaper changes or anything. They can even feed themselves if necessary. So why can't DH find the time to tidy/clean up a bit when he's "on duty"?
    Oh, yeah, because it's not in his genetic code.

  2. It is really nice when the kids are old enough to clean.

    Even better when you have a 16 year old who is too busy with school and sports to get a part time job, so you make her clean the house for $10/hour so she can earn gas money for her car, and spending money.

    Your little guys will be there before you know it, but I feel for you now. Oh man, do I remember being in your shoes. Hope you're feeling 100% soon.

  3. Yep, nothing worse than the pile up of messy, stinky kids and their Dads. You hit the nail on te head with the description of mens capabilities at work, and yet ineptness at home. What gives?

    So glad your're doing better. Let's hope it goes away for good.

    Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a dishwasher to empty and a toilet to scrub. UGH!

  4. You know you are starting to feel better when you can smell a dirty home. Hehe. Think of it as a good sign, that you are recovering, just don't try to do everything today... it will knock you off of your feet tomorrow again. Just do a little each day and you'll catch up and feel better too :)

  5. You know he just sat in the recliner and dozed why they rean around the house, right? That's what my husband does.

  6. Yuck on top of yuck. Yup, that's my playroom right now. I went out and mowed the backyard instead of trying to dig my way through that room. Seemed like the easier job even though the lawnmower kept turning off because the weeds were to tall to cut through.

  7. Ahhhh yes, the reason we had kids....little slaves! So glad I have 3 in training.

    Hope you feel better soon!

  8. aw, i hope you are feeling a scrillion times better soon! and put those kids to work! i think my parents had so many kids just to get the chores done around the house and to have somebody to boss around! KIDDING. kind of?

  9. Oh gurrrl, we so live in parallel universes. What is with the trashing of the house because, "I watched the kids!"

    And don't even get me started on the smells. I smell puppy pee in my dreams. I can't buy enough cleaner and candles to kill the smell that has taken up space in my brain. I'm not even sure if anyone else can smell it. I might be imagining it. That's how close to the edge they've brought me.

    Feel better!

  10. You need to look into doing a Merry Maids review. :)

  11. What you say about men is completely true. They can not manage to watch children, clean, and cook during the same time period. I would complain more, but it makes me feel like a more competent, talented person.

  12. This may sound creepy or crazy ... but for the 9 millionth time, I wish you lived closer!!! I feel so bad knowing how hard you work, how awesome of a mom you are, and knowing that I would LOVE to come keep house and play babysitter while you rest and get better!!!!

  13. HAHAHa....when i'm sick and my husband say's he'll "watch the kids" really means he'll watch the kids, oh i don't know, run around the house unrolling a roll of toliet paper...or watch as they pour pancake syrup onto their plates...and cups...and table, on the bills that are on the table....etc...I love my husband,and he's a really good dad, but when he say's he'll watch the kids...I know what he really means is that he's on *suicide* watch.. (meaning, no one will break an arm, and he will stop the kids right before they try to launch my littlest angel *brat* into the air out of their homeade cannon)...which was made during one of my hubbys other *i'll watch them" your blog!!!

  14. My husband is the same way! He'll say it's okay for me to take a nap, but when I get up the mess is worse than when I went to sleep. The thought of it is enough to keep me from sleeping well. I'm glad you're feeling human again!


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