Zom-biatch - UPDATED!
Joanne realized with dismay that her expensive anti-aging serum wasn't working after all.
Hi, my name is Rita, and I'm scared of zombies.
I don't mean as in the "Wow, those things are kinda creepy" way. I mean as in the "petrified-when-I-think-about-them, can't-go-to-the-bathroom-alone-after-watching-them-on-TV, nightmares-for-a-week" type of scared. My logical mind knows they don't exist. But the part of my brain that overrides my logical mind? Is a cowardly little bitch when it comes to zombies. In fact, every night before I go to bed, I glance out my bedroom window into the darkness of my yard to make sure there are no zombies lurching their undead way up to my door. Embarrassing true story, y'all. But I can't help it.
And okay, I (sheepishly) admit it: the other day I Googled "is a zombie apocalypse possible."
What? I might need to be, you know, prepared.
I can trace the fear back all the way to my childhood, when I was about five and my parents left me in the care of my teenaged siblings for the afternoon - who decided that a scary movie marathon would be fun. (Way to go, guys.) I'll never forget it: we watched Return of the Living Dead, and ever since then, zombies are the numero-uno way to make my stomach drop and my knees knock.
Oddly enough, though - as scared as I am - zombie movies are my absolute favorite type of horror movie to watch. I was thrilled when AMC debuted its new show The Walking Dead on Halloween night - and apparently I'm in good company, as it was the most-watched episode premiere in history. Now I can't wait for Sunday nights when it comes on. It's my new guilty pleasure. (Anybody else obsessed with that show? Holla!)
My brother Steve and I were having an interesting discussion the other day, and I thought I'd bring it to the blog for some outside opinions. So here it is, the burning question of the day:
If zombies were real, would they poop?
I say they would. I mean, they still walk, and eat - which are basic biological functions. And if you eat, well, you know what happens. But my brother argues that you never see a zombie who has ... shat himself. Here's the exact text he sent me:
Steve: They seem to be lacking in dexterity. I don't think they just drop pants and squat.
After which he added, "More research is required."
I say that you wouldn't even be able to tell if they'd soiled themselves, seeing as they're already gross and decaying and dirty. But Steve insists that you'd be able to see.
Opinions? Lend me your braaaaaaaaaaiiiins ...