Sucking Face

Sometimes I have to work. I write stuff for people. And when I do, I wish I had an office - one away from home - to do it in.

I know, I know, I'm sure "the grass is always greener" and all that. I remember that when I did work in an office, what I wanted most was to be home with my baby (at the time, only Colin). But it's super-difficult to feel professional when you're being constantly hounded by questions and requests, and have to say things like, "Keep your penis off the table!" and "Get that garbage can lid off your brother's head!" (Yes, those exact words actually came out of my mouth yesterday.) I shut myself into a bedroom to conduct phone interviews with clients, while hearing crashes, thumps, and wails beyond the closed door - despite my best efforts to threaten and/or bribe the boys to be good and stay quiet.

And all this time, there's still laundry. And dishes. And diapers. And clutter. Piling up and up and up while I try to prioritize.

All the above is especially difficult with the addition of a perpetually-hungry four month old baby. For a few select parts of the day, Coby is content to sit beside my desk in his little bouncy-seat, cooing and gurgling. However. When he decides he's hungry, he's hungry NOW ... and until he's fed, he lets you hear it in a very loud and persistent manner.

So anyway, yesterday I'm sitting here typing away - finally in a "groove" after seven hundred interruptions - and Coby decides to fuss. I try to keep typing while jiggling his seat with my foot, but it doesn't help. So I pick him up. As hard as it is to type properly with a baby in your lap, I'm thinking that the mere action of being held would be enough to keep him quiet.

But no.

So I shifted him to my shoulder, still wailing. And that's when he latched onto my cheek and started sucking away ... QUIETLY.

So yeah, I let him. I know how ridiculous I must have looked, but I sat there typing with my baby latched onto my face. Hey, it allowed me to finish a few paragraphs.

Eventually, he realized that nothing was gonna come out of that cheek, and stopped sucking. And to my surprise, when he pulled away, the spot on my cheek was a little sore. So I touched it ... and it was a little raised. WTF? So I went into the bathroom to look in the mirror, and lo and behold ...



An effing face hickey. A hickey ... on my face.

Luckily, the brightness subsided after a while and now I'm just left with a little pink patch. But still. I'm not into hickeys, least of all in places where people can see them.

Guess it's a good thing I rarely leave the house ... 



Comments

  1. Aww..i think that is so cute!! You know, cause it is not on MY face and all.

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  2. Hahaha! Anything to keep the bambino happy!

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  3. OH my gosh that is way too funny. Even my hubby laughed.

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  4. Ha ha ha!
    Those little babies have some major suction power!

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  5. Aww! Baby kisses! How adorable! *giggle*

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  6. omg you still have me laughing on this one....

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  7. That's funny. My husband left a hickey on our sons forehead one time...and our son them proclaimed "it's ok, I'll just wash it off with soap and water". Riiiiiiight, that'll do it!

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  8. I love how the look on his little face is, "what are you taking a picture of and where the hell is my lunch?!"

    ~WM

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  9. haha whoops!! I had a baby raccoon to that to my chin before. I had a chin hickey. I think I was like 11, too.

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  10. that is cute - and so much better than the teeth marks my son left on my cheek when he leaned in for a kiss and bit me instead.

    as for the work space - just pretend you are in Washington. I'm sure quite a few politicians' aides have had to say "keep you penis off the table."

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  11. he either loves you, or plans to eat you!

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  12. "get your penis off the table" - these are the gems I truly love from you!

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  13. That is so funny! (& oh my, how I hope the words "get your penis off the table" never leave my lips. But ya' know, I kinda hope they will too. I'm not right.)

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  14. :) Bwhahahaha! Too funny. I hate hickeies too, but that is an adorable story!

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  15. Oh god, to see a photo of the in-progress baby hickey while you type away. So funny. You got a hickey from your baby. I could say that all day.

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  16. Well, anything to keep him quiet and get a little extra work-time! Besides, he's just so darn CUTE! ;o)

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  17. I completely relate! In fact, I'm typing with a squirmy/fussy/teething 4 month old in my lap right now. As for the hickey, I have had several. The very first feeding we had in the hospital, neither of us knew what we were doing, of course. Juniper latched on right next to my nipple and when she came off, it looked like I had two! lol

    http://lindsaysmommymusings.blogspot.com/

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  18. Hilarious! Anything to keep bubs happy.

    Love the post.

    Shelly

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  19. LOL! You are good enough to eat.

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  20. That is too funny! Love it, it's a beauty mark, my story and I'm sticky to it :) LOL

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  21. Muahaha! I was reading, thinking "I can totally relate to ALL of this..." up until the cheek sucking. Hahah! So you'll just look like you put on a little too much blush. Nothin wrong with that. :P But yes, the life of a WAHM. Some people will never know how interesting our business lives really are....

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  22. OMG, I am reading your old blogs as I just started reading your blog and I burst out laughing.... sitting here at work.... while I should be working, because I can't stop reading! Anyway, I totally relate! I have a 4 month old at home and he keeps giving himself random hickeys. You made my day.

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