Why I Shouldn't Even Have a Blog

Guys, my last blog was written on Thursday. It's Tuesday now. And for someone with the burning desire to blog on the daily, well - that just sucks a whole bunch of ass.

When I went from two kids to three and still managed to blog regularly - even from my hospital bed after delivery, via my iPhone - I naively thought, "This isn't so bad. I can do this. WIN!" and I was all, like, proud of my bloggy dedication and stuff. And for a few precious months, I kept up an admirable posting schedule.
But that was before my littlest man, Coby, did more than eat, sleep, and poop. In eight short months, this ...


... has turned into this:

 I know it's blurry, but it's hard to catch the little stinker standing still.

Now that he's mobile, doing anything for an extended period is twenty times harder. Throw the older two and our 5-month-old Lab puppy into the mix, and attempting to blog makes me want to toss my kids my dog my computer through a window.

Let's use this very post as an example. I sat down, and opened blogger to a nice fresh "new post" page. But my thoughts were interrupted by my two-year-old, Cameron, literally climbing into my chair and onto my back, saying, "Mommy? Can I have Nick Jr. on the computer? Momm-eeeee? Nick Jr. pleeeeeease?" which dissolved into frantic, high-pitched whines when I declined his request. While he was using me as his personal jungle gym and deafening me from the ear-splitting volume of his big little voice, I noticed the baby making a mad dash for the dog food. When I hopped up out of the chair, I toppled Cameron out too, which made the whines turn into full-fledged wails. His foot was tangled in a cord, which made the keyboard clatter to the floor. Since I couldn't get to the baby with the required speed, I tried to yell his name. But I forgot it. I called him by both brothers' names, and the dog's, before finally breaking free of the chaotic tangle at the computer and swooping Coby away from the greasy, stinking kibbles just in the nick of time.

I thought I'd set him up with some toys and he'd be fine. But no. I put him on the floor and he dissolved into indignant tears. So I thought I could maybe blog with him on my lap. It used to work, back before he was so squirmy and screamy, but not any more. He fussed and threw himself around and dropped his pacifier, which the dog promptly ran away with. So I had to get up and retrieve that and wash it. 

The older two whined for more breakfast, so I got them some yogurt. Josie (the dog) pooped on the floor, so I had to stop and clean that up. And wash my hands. Then Cameron's hands, because he had yogurt all over them ... and the living room carpet, prompting a lecture about the importance of eating at the table. Then Josie was chewing up a book. Then Colin (the four-year-old) was yelling, "Mommy! Cameron is disciplining me!" Then Coby decided he was hungry and Josie was chewing on a stuffed frog she's not supposed to have and Cameron was whining because he wanted a tape measure and Colin asked for more yogurt and Coby was hanging off my boob while I tried to type one-handed and then my head exploded!

Okay, my head didn't really explode but seriously, y'all? I thought it might. Or, at the very least, steam might come out of my ears like in the cartoons. 

So now here I am, nearing the end of my rant, which has taken me an impressive hour and a half to finish. And what did I write about? How I can't even write. Isn't it ironic?

... Don'tcha think?*

*Ten bonus points if you've now got Alanis Morissette's "Ironic" stuck in your head. Points are redeemable for ... well, nothing. Ahahaha! I'm an ass.**

**I've now used the word "ass" twice in this post. Which also makes me somewhat profane.

Anyway, allow me to apologize. Not for my overzealous usage of "ass," but for slacking on blog posting. And commenting. And replying. If y'all wanted a poop story, I could post one of those everysingleday - but, like my life, my blog needs more variety. 

I've got a couple of giveaways lined up, as soon as I can post them (re-read the above for clarification as to why I'm soooooo sloooooooow): CSN Stores, EdenFantasys (yes, it's a little on the naughty side!), eShakti.com clothing, and a book by the hilarious Lisa Kogan - so keep checking in and I promise, I'll give y'all the goods.

... As soon as I can catch a two-minute break.


       

Comments

  1. You are the woman! I have a 3 month old and a 2 year old and I can't find the time to blog...your a rockstar for doing all of that and still posting!!
    Its ok to take breaks and not blog daily. At least to me :)
    Have a wonderful day!

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  2. You are a better mom than me

    I would have let him eat the dog food if it gave me a few minutes of peace....

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  3. The fact that you post EVER is amazing to me! Morgan called me today and asked ever so sweetly "didn't I want to see my grandson" - and then whispered under her breath that she was going to kill him shortly, so I needed to hurry! So, if I understand with just one, how much more so with three!

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  4. I have a hard time keeping up with more than one post a week from others, so don't you worry! I'm still shocked by the fact that many times it is hard to even have a conversation AT ALL with anyone else with even just one kid in the room. And that doesn't even require hands. When my friends without children call, I feel like they don't understand!

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  5. LOL, you're scaring me! Remember, I'm the one who's going to stay with them while you & Curtis are gone for a few days in July! Maybe I should try to bring some back-up along! ;o) Still, I'm SO looking forward to it!

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  6. Even your post about not posting cracked me up. I only have 1 and can understand. I can't imagine how busy you are. Just keep trying, you make us laugh no matter what you type.

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  7. Oh, I remember those days. Just know, it gets easier. Much easier. To the point that last night, my husband and I walked out the door to get dinner and I turned and said, "Oh, I guess I should tell the girls were leaving." And so I opened the door, yelled we were off to dinner and to fix themselves something.

    Don't be jealous. It's coming. I promise.

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  8. ohhhh lady, i feel your pain!! and i loved this post about not being able to write...cracked me up...even if was on the PROFANE side..lol...hang in there mama, you're doing fine!

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  9. Trust me, I totally understand. The entire year of 2005 is a blur.

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  10. My secret is nap time. That is why I worked like hell to get all my kids to sleep at the same time during the day.

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  11. I totally hear ya! Every time I sit down, the boys want to play some Nick Jr. NOPE! I tell them that mommy needs her break and to leave me alone for 30 minutes...which, lets be honest, never happens. I end up throwing them in the back yard or popping in a movie. However, I do end up getting up more than 10 dozen times for "snack" and "wipe my bum" and......sigh.

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  12. You remind me again and again why I don't want three. I'm scared that number two being on the way is going to be a challenge enough!

    After this one, this baby maker has closed up shop!!!

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  13. I totally feel your pain! I love your post about not posting, because it is our real life everyday. Why must kids scream at us and need things from us, ALL.THE.TIME? Sheesh!

    Hang in there girl. Pretty soon they'll be off to school or something, and then you'll wonder what to do with your time. hahahahah AS IF!

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  14. I'm always chiding myself about getting behind in the blogging world! Especially keeping up with other blogs!
    My Grandma wrote me an email about one of my Monday blogs and said "you're dad was right...you don't do anything Thursday through Sunday and then there's a really long one Monday"
    I hate being so predictable!

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  15. That scares me! I am starting to believe that I o NOT want children...At least not three!

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  16. Wow... I don't know if I would be able to keep blogging either!! That's a lot to handle!

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  17. I hardly find time to blog, sans children. I seriously think you may be a saint. Seriously. Keep blogging, though? Mmmmkay? Just for me? ;)

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  18. LORDY, i don't know how you moms juggle it all! i am single w/full time job and two cats, and i can barely handle blogging plus working! throw in 2 or three kids and a husband and i'd probably EXPLODE!!!

    hang in there! and i bet you can't wait to get them all in SCHOOL! :)

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  19. Wow...ur world sounds like me. Glad I cam across ur site. Looking forward to reading more :)
    Jenn
    http://circleofloveandthecrazinessaroundit.blogspot.com/

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  20. sounds a bit like my own life! Best of luck to us both!

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  21. LOL to your mom's comment!!! And LMAO to your blog - sorry, it's funy to me b/c I can totally picture you & the kids during the whole thing. You're a great mom...just keep remembering that!

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  22. Oh man - and then in the middle of it all the dog poops on the floor?! You really do deal with way more then your share of poop! You may not get to blog as much as you'd like, but they are very entertaining posts! It's quality not quantity, right?

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  23. You need a gold medal, a Wonder Woman suit, and a crown. And some Calgon might be good, too. I remember those days....and believe it or not- sometimes I miss them.

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  24. I'm telling you gal pal - get those kiddies on a schedule (bwahahahaha - so easy to say 'cause I'm here and you're there and I only had ONE). That Dr. Spock book (not the alien, the doctor doctor) is what I used (from the 50's, the book, not Josh). Josh was clockwork - nap same time every day, went to bed same time every night, got up same time every morning no matter how much I wish he wouldn't on my days off... barring that, you need a Nanny - a real live helper, preferably a FREE one. Or someone who comes in at lesat one day a week to give you writing time! Or... jail cell bars, gates? Closet-sized toy rooms w/half doors so you can look in to see what they're doing? Oh never mind - they'd all climb out. Well, I tried. I really did!

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  25. so I'm new to the blogging scene but it is super fun! I'm a mom of three also and my youngest is 3 months. I have a feeling I'm going to have a blog similar to this one in the near future. All though my 3 and 5 year old give me a run for my money as it is. Ill be interested to see what else you come out with. Check out my site too (www.QuitTheBitching.com). its slightly sarcastic and in-your-face but thats the kind of person I am so it works for me. :)

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  26. I love your blog,, i think you have a great sense of humour, i'll be back so keep bloggin!

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