Best Diet Tip EVER

My four-year-old loves to take videos with my cell phone. He's always walking around recording something, which is why there are several videos of a.) me with one or both boobs hanging out (for the record, I'm nursing, not intentionally being the neighborhood exhibitionist); b.) random shots of the heater vents and the omg-is-it-seriously-that-dirty carpet; c.) me slumped at the computer (looking like I'm taking posture lessons from the Hunchback of Notre Dame ... seriously, y'all, my posture ... ugh).

The other day he propped the phone against one of the pieces of clutter things on the kitchen counter and left it there. I didn't even know it was recording. He was hopping around the floor, intending to film himself - but my little man isn't the most skilled videographer, so what did he film instead?

The refrigerator.

Me opening the refrigerator.

My humongous needs-a-"wide-load"-sticker, should-beep-when-I-back-up ASS bending over, directly into the camera, getting into said refrigerator.

But it got worse. I turned around, giving the hateful recording lens full view of my un-sucked-in belly. Which was, at the time, unflatteringly clad in a too-small tank top and hanging over some pajama pants. OMG. Picture Britney Spears at the height of her hot-messness, plus like fifty pounds. And homeless.


Obviously when I realized the stupid phone was capturing my every hippolike move, I turned that sucker off. My finger trembled a little as it hovered lightly over the "Play" button in hesitation. But like anything gruesome, I couldn't help but look. And stand there, mouth agape, as I was faced with my own appalling camera-lens-filling rear end. You never know what you really look like until you see yourself on camera ... moving around ... in real time.

Normally when faced with something upsetting I tend to stuff my face with Oreos eat. But not this time. This was a wake-up call. And though I'm still trying to be positive about my pudge until it's gone, I'm proud to say that I've lost ten pounds since that fateful video was (accidentally) taken. Fighting the frump, y'all. For serious.

I saved the video. Maybe when I lose the rest of my weight, and am all supermodel-ly, I'll share it with you.

... Or maybe not.



  1. i just found your site, and boy do we have a lot of things in common..married at 17, ill be 30 next month, i have 3 boys and definitely fighting the frump! nice to be here!

  2. Hysterical. It is every girls worst nightmare - the rear end bending over shot.

    Stopping by from SITS.

  3. That is just TOO hysterical. It is as bad as the mirrors on the wall around the Jacuzzi. EVERY stinking time I go to take a shower I am given the perfect view of me NOW. It's not even warped enough to make me look skinny. UGH.

    (Pardon the plug) I'm doing a giveaway today of Tom Venuto's Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle e-book (he donated a copy, cool). Please come over and check it out - - it is an amazing book. He donated a copy of his new book, too, which talks about psychological and emotional reason for weight gain. I'll be doing a giveaway on that soon. I know your camera trick would solve it for me, for life... my butt on camera? NO WAY!

  4. So...

    If you give me that video, we can probably make some money. Just sayin.

    I've give you a cut?

  5. I have to agree with you there. I hate nothing more than seeing myself on camera - moving or still images! Blegh. . .

    Good luck in the frump-busting!

  6. I have a picture of me in my swimming suit at my worst - I keep it in my drawer, years later - and I mean years as a reminder.

    So sad, but yep - funny.

  7. I feel your pain. I avoid having video and photos taken at all costs. I'd rather be blissfully ignorant.

  8. oh man....well the good news is that you've lost 10 pounds!!!

  9. Wow- good for you! I feel motivated to lose weight every time I see a picture of myself. But then I forget all about that motivation when I have a craving.

  10. Why is it pictures and video reveal to us what the mirror refuses to show? My kids record me on purpose with their phones, and laugh at me later.

  11. LOL - well glad it is motivating you to shed it! I know you of all people can do it since you've done it like 3 times already! I remember Betsy taking a candid picture of me one time (at one of their parties)OMG horrible & eye opening for sure!

  12. I am far too weak to ever post the "fat" pics of me or the fat videos. I won't even take my measurements yet to compare them by when I lose more. So, at least you are brave enough to write about it.

  13. Ugh, tell me about it. I go to school for video production and you know how many times I have to watch myself on camera? It is a big motivator!

  14. I laughed so hard. . .mostly cuz I can relate!! *off to make myself a "wide load sticker" and look for a beeper!!* hahaha :)

  15. oh...i have had that before. Not pretty, is it. Makes me all mad, and then I reach for the reeses.

  16. LOL, now you know how I feel when I look at the traditional Christmas pictures of me bent over, stuffing wrapping paper in the trash! Eeeewwww!!!

  17. Dude, horrifying and hilarious all at the same time. I think we've all had those moments where the curtain lifts for a moment and we see ourselves through the eyes of something or someone else and it makes you go:

    Oh. Dear. Jesus.

    Good job on the 10 lbs though! Keep it up! :)

  18. omyGOD! horrors! i would throw that thing against the wall!

    but congratulations on losing 10 lbs. i have done the same. it is a pain in the ass to lose weight, but it is kind of exciting when clothes are too big to wear anymore. :)

  19. Ugh, I feel ya. I knew I was fat but had a skewed sense of how I looked. I didn't think I looked THAT bad. Then I was in zumba class and was watching myself in the mirrors and wanted to PUKE!

    Congrats on 10 lbs! That's great! I'm 7 lbs down so far.


Post a Comment

Commenting makes you big and strong! Okay, maybe just strong. Okay, so it's only your fingers. But still ...

Popular Posts