Somebody Stop Him. No, Seriously.

Hey. Does there happen to be a really super-intelligent scientist with a compassion for parents of four-year-olds reading my blog right now? Because if there is, I totally need you to do me a favor.

Invent some sort of child-mute switch. Please. I'll give you my life savings, which is a whole ten dollars and some change. Why are you laughing? That's serious money!*

*and by "serious" I mean you'd think it was a lot if you were like in Kindergarten. Or homeless.

It's because I'm tired of Colin interjecting needless information at the most embarrassing times. Like not too long ago at the hardware store: Curtis was looking at something and I couldn't get the cart down the aisle, so the kids and I were waiting for him by this counter. The friendly worker greeted us politely and asked if he could help us, to which Colin replied: "My name is Colin. I'm four. And this is my mommy and she's 29!"

Thanks, kid. Thanks a whole lot.

And the other day, when we stopped in to get some ice cream. Colin likes Superman ice cream, which is this:
Ugh, see the mess it makes on the table? (And everywhere else, for that matter?)

Anyway, he loves Superman ice cream - but I don't like him to tell people why he likes it so much. And yet here we were at the ice cream shop, and Colin orders it, and he's all, "Do you know why I like Superman ice cream so much?"

"Colin!" I hissed, just as the girl behind the counter said, "Why?"

"Because it turns my poop green!" he said cheerfully in that huge four-year-old voice that everyone can hear.

It was more like, "BECAUSE IT TURNS MY POOP GREEN!"

Seriously, the kid is going to literally embarass me to death some day if he doesn't grow out of this. It isn't like this is the first time he's done something mortifying - this is just the latest in a long line.

So scientists reading this - or just abnormally smart people who have a lot of down time and a burning desire to earn a whole TEN DOLLARS - please, please get right on the task of making that mute button. A whole lot of parents will be eternally grateful.

... And there's a life savings with your name on it.
Incoherently babbled by Rita Templeton on Thursday, February 25, 2010

19 comments:

  1. Oh yeah. Sounds like he'd get along famously with my kids.
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  2. Very funny! Remember that show.. well no, you probably don't - "Kids say the darndest things?" I think that one was Art Linkletter & another was Bill Cosby - where kids just said whatever was on their heart and mind. Outspoken is far better than introverted, really! And do what my mom did - she NEVER told us her age, ever. It took years before I figured it out but by then it didn't matter. Blurting days were over!
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  3. Oh... that makes me laugh! I have my own little talkative one from whom I better start guarding information.
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  4. Announcing you are 29 is embarassing? Do we still live in a time when women aren't supposed to reveal their age? I must have missed that memo.
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  5. LMFAO well heck what do you expect - he gets the poop facination from your side of the family!!
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  6. oooooh lady. trust me. i know how that is. mason told his entire kindergarten class that "mommy works out in front of the tv in her underwear!!". thanks ya little terd!
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  7. LOL, sounds a lot like his mother at that age....and even more like his Aunt Amy! Anyway, just think of the endless entertainment you all provide for the people involved in those encounters. Now they have something to go home and tell their friends! ;o)
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  8. Oh my gosh, I wish I could babysit this kid. He is hilarious!

    I nominated you for an award on my blog, if you want to check it out! Keep the funny posts coming! :)
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  9. Hi! I'm a new follower to your blog! Colin sounds like a future comedian! I love how kids tell it like it is. It also amazes me how much children love that Superman ice cream - I could never figure out why - until now!!
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  10. I am afraid I cannot help. I can LAUGH, but not help!
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  11. Teheee. I know just what you mean. When our then 4 year old son (whose now 11) and I were shopping in Walmart, this lovely old lady commented on how well he was behaving, and asked him his name. He calmly replies "My name is Doug, and I love Bob the DILDO". You would have thought that old lady was an olympic runner! Boy was she fast. She was gone before I could try and tell her "that his name is Doug, and he loves Bob the BUILDER". Sencing, as only four year olds do, my immediate humiliation he continued yelling "Bob the Dildo, Bob the Dildo". Needless to say, I left my full cart and ran (with my boy in tow) out of Walmart as fast as I could. The lesson here: Watch what your kids say in public, and the next time you are in the store and come upon a full cart that has been abandoned, have a chuckle and just imagine what young mother has just bailed out of the store.
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  12. LOL

    It's okay, I've been there when my kids have said something embarrassing too.

    My son once said, "Why does that lady have big boobs and you don't?"
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  13. LOL! If you get too tired of him, send him over here. He'd fit right in.
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  14. that boy was born for the stage! he likes sharing and getting a laugh, even at your expense! sorry! that might get worse with time!!!! :(
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  15. I'm going to school to be a social scientist...does that count? Rita, did you get my email with the questions I asked you?

    Thanks,
    Evan~
    perrau14@msu.edu
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  16. Bwahahaaahahhaaaaaa! He's got impeccable timing, for sure!
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  17. Hahaha- Love that it's not just me who lives through this embarrassement!
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  18. lol, like Dallas yelling for a truck in the toy store, and pronoucing the "tr" as an "f" - he usually got a truck before he even asked for it!
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  19. I remember the first time my daughter ate ice cream like that and it turned her poop blue. Smurf blue! She was horrified and thought something was terribly wrong. Difference between boys and girls, I guess: )
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