Tissues: a Tutorial

Dear Little Boys with Snotty Noses,

Let me give you a little tutorial, mmkay? This is a box of tissues:

And this? Is Mommy (in case you need further clarification, I'm the one on the right):

Mommy = long brown hair, black-rimmed glasses (now with one earpiece, wanna make something of it?), comfy pants, no makeup

Mommy ≠ box of tissues

You see, my darlings, as much as I adore your hugs/kisses/running face plants into my backside, I would prefer that you refrain from doing said activities when your noses are leaking like faucets.

Yes, I am still wearing my pajama pants. And yes, they are crusted with your breakfast and the baby's spit-up and Lord-only-knows what else (what have I been into that's yellow?). But that does not indicate an open invitation for you to wipe your snotty schnoz along the length of my thigh. I love our encounters, kids, but not so much when one of you leaves a trail.

Love,
MOMMY