Things That Are Actually Cool About Fatness

So yesterday I was huffing and puffing on the Wii Fit during my 30-minute step routine (and before you get all like, 'Stepping on a Wii Fit is like stepping on a book or something' let me interject that I have one of those stair extenders so it's actually a workout and I do little hops and stuff and I really am slightly hardcore with it thank-you-very-much) ...

Um, okay, where was I?

Oh yes. Yesterday. So anyway, I was doing my step and I thought about how hard I'm working to get all this yucky excess weight off, and I was wishing the whole process didn't take so damn long. I mean, how is it fair that I can eat an entire box a few pieces of chocolate and it shows up with near-immediacy on my thighs - yet working it off takes, like, weeks? 

Anyway, while I was thinking that, I was wishing there were something to enjoy about being fat in the meantime. And to my surprise, I didn't have to think all that hard to come up with a few things that, while I'd rather be skinny, make being temporarily pudged-up more tolerable.

#1: I have boobs. If you've been reading long, you know that I'm a flat-chested, two-mosquito-bites kind of girl until I get pregnant and gain a bunch of weight. But then? BAM. Here come the boobies. I revel in my useful cleavage and have been known to actually stand in front of the mirror and admire the way they fill out a bra. Because that's, like, never happened to me before. At least not in my non-fat life. So you see? There's the first good thing.

#2: I'm a soft place to lay. People like to lay on me these days. The kids, the cats, the husband, it doesn't matter - they all appreciate the comfort of a big, squishy midsection to use as their own personal pillow. I mean, they'd love me anyway, but speaking as someone who has been both skinny and fat, I can certifiably confirm that kids/cats/husbands seem more comfortable at the more, um, ample end of the spectrum.

#3: I can hold more kids. I don't know about yours, but my kids sometimes vie for my lap space. When you've got a kid for each thigh, it's not such a problem. But when you get to three or more kids and still only have two standard-sized thighs, space is a real commodity - one apparently worth bickering and poking and all-out scrapping over. Unless you're a big girl ... and then, voila, thighs enough for everyone! It's a win-win situation: the kids all have a place to sit, and I don't have to deal with the squabble over who's sitting where.

#4: There's just something about dancing when you're fat. I love to shake my groove thang. And one of the biggest surprises that came with fatness is how much more fun dancing is (when I'm by myself, anyway) when I have more "groove thang" to shake. Like yesterday I was rocking out to "Say Hey" by Spearhead and Michael Franti (that link is a little pop-up window that lets you listen to the song, no-strings-attached, and I dare you to try and listen without dancing a little in your chair because you can't. YOU CAN'T). And I was noticing how voluptuous my hips felt while I was swinging them around, and how the slight jiggle of my ass was actually a pleasant addition to the movement. You can't get that when you've got no ass, friends. No sir.

#5: I can always find my napkin. This may seem insignificant, but it's a decent perk. My mama always taught me to put my napkin in my lap at the table like a proper lady (too bad it's, like, the only lesson in proper lady-hood I retained). When I'm skinny, half the time the napkin ends up slipping onto the floor. But when I have enough belly, I can tuck the napkin between stomach and thigh, where it's pinned conveniently in place until I need it. Napkin problems? Not any more. At least not until I lose a few additional pants sizes.

So there you have it, guys and dolls. As much as I'd ultimately rather be skinny, and am working on that goal (40+ pounds down since Coby was born! Woot!), there actually are a few things to enjoy about being shaped like the Venus of Willendorf (the lovely statue featured up top). So while I've got the extra poundage, I'm gonna enjoy it as much as I possibly can. I know it's hard to do, but it's all about the attitude, y'all. Don't hate - celebrate!




      

Comments

  1. I did a post like this a while back where I outlined all the uses of various kinds of fat. It's legit, isn't it!

    Although now I'm just thinking about you in a bra....

    Damn.

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  2. people really do just want to lay on you when you're fat...i have people trying to rest their heads on my boobs like, every day...

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  3. Girl I agree. My boobs and tushy are nicely sized, and I am tired of trying to squeeze them into things that don't fit.

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  4. I'm so glad I can look at my thighs with pride now. Thanks.

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  5. all apply to me except the boob thing, there are always there, no matter the size I am at the time. ugh.

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  6. Is there something wrong with me that I really, really enjoyed (and can relate) to this blog? But I am like you - I would rather NOT have all those advantages!

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  7. You bring 'look on the bright side' to a whole new level. And I love you for that. . .

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  8. My kids have always enjoyed laying on the boobies. I try to get them to rest on my side and they say no they want to lay on the soft parts.

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  9. Great notions. Now we can all be happy.
    Without guilt, right?
    I do lose my napkin.....under my belly. I haven't seen my ..........belt buckle in years.

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  10. lol...at least you have the right attitude about things!! and 40+ lbs! AWESOME!! look at you go mama!!

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  11. I feel so much better now! I'm soft to lay on, too. Napkin? Yup--I know where it is. All three of my kids (and my napkin) can fit on my lap at the same time. It's all a matter of outlook and perspective...

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  12. Congrats on already losing 40+ pounds! Yay! Okay, so give me the secret to the Wii Fit. Since I got it, I've been kind of disappointed because no matter what I do or how long I do it, I never break a sweat. What are these stair extenders? And am I missing out on some of the routines or something? The most active thing I've found is the step rhythm thing (which usually pisses me off because it doesn't count some of my accurate steps) and the bicycle.

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  13. One thing I enjoy about being overweight is that my love handles double as an arm rest. Quite handy! Haha

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  14. So there are some good things to being fat. Yeah!

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  15. oh my god, the napkin one.... hilarity. I never thought about that conundrum.

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  16. So glad I found this today! Am having a 'meh' day, my bum is too big, my thighs are too chunky which obviously means I'm a baaad person right? N. NO!! This post made me smile and also, I'm about to do a booty dance round my living room to the link above ;-) xx

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  17. You best be careful posting her up there. That is a fertility godess, if I'm correct. Getting pregnant again would make for weight loss a bit difficult!

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  18. Here's another one. Being fat plumps out my wrinkles.

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  19. Maybe only lose a portion of the extra weight?? Then you'll still be a lovable pillow - AND keep your boobies :) Doesn't it stink, though, that the boobs are the first thing to go...ugh!! NOT FAIR!!

    ~WM

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  20. OMG, the Venus of Willendorf is one of my favorite statues! She's so plump, and droopy.....and famous! (See, you CAN have it all!)

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  21. You've made some good points! having more weight does make better boobs. I'm at a record 34B, and that's better than that training bra I started out with!

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  22. Yay for the weight loss! Sounds like quite and achievement already! I'm already trying to plan ahead for the pregnancy weight loss myself. It's funny how motivated I feel now, when it seems so far off, ya know? It's easy to sit on the couch every night eating whatever I want and think "Man, once this baby is here I'm SO getting into kick-ass shape!" but I have a feeling once the time actually comes, I'll have a list of excuses... :P At any rate, thanks for proving it can be done!

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  23. My entire week has brightened up. The clouds rolled back, the sun is shining, I hear birds singing, and I have found peace in knowing there is one other converted skinny girl that has found contentment in being exactly the way she is. Other than me, that is.

    For some reason, though, my kids don't want to lay on my tummy. They search out my boobs, and lay on them like they're the most comfortable things in the world.

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  24. I like this.

    But I still want a tight tummy. I'm sick of my son asking if I'm having another baby.

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  25. very positive thinking :)

    im in on the battle with ya...
    i just started p90x. it actually works

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  26. No surprise it's hard to loose that fat, it seems you are so affectionate to it.
    Just kidding, I'm sooo fat.

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  27. You Rock! I seriously love your blog and want to be your best friend. heehee..As a mom of a 4 month old and nearly 2 year old, I thank you for being "in the boat" with me on the body image issues (as well as the mommy "fun" adventures of cleaning up who knows what, etc..) I shook my smushy, curvy groove thang to your song above and for the first time LIKED and CELEBRATED the way i jiggled..you are totally right, it IS a little more satisfying with some junk in the trunk! :) Thank you!

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  28. Fabulous post, and I love that you are sharing the "fat girl napkin" trick. I've been doing that for many years! You have a wonderful blog, and I'll definitely be back to read more. I hope you'll drop by my very fat friendly blog sometime. :o) http://zaftigdelights.blogspot.com ~ Sandie

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  29. Girl, you should be shaking your groove thing everyday! I'm all about loving your body everyday, no matter what size you are. Stop by my blog, that's ALL I write about!

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  30. This is awesome! I will be the first to point out my extra curves and rolls but they can be of use.

    I can remember about 1.5 years after I had my daughter and I was doing "The Zone" diet (which was amazing and helped me lose 25lbs but I got sick of preparing 3 different meals at mealtime)...

    Anyway - so I can vividly recall craving chocolate chip cookies while on this diet. BAD. I was in the kitchen and my husband was in the room. He heard the cupboard door squeaking and knew what I was up to. I came back in the room and he looked at me asking where "they" were. "What?" I was doing some pretty crappy acting at this point. He checked my hands and pockets - no cookies. He had me open my mouth to check for evidence; no cookies. I sat down on the bed beside him and began to gently bite into a chocolate chip cookie, while smiling. "Where the...." I stood up and lifted up my t-shirt. No bra - just the "girls" in all their glory. Confused and now drooling he didn't know what I was doing. I lifted up my left boob and took the other chocolate chip cookie I was stashing. =)

    mwah ha ha!

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  31. LOL that is pretty funny especially that napkin one!! as a fellow chunky monkey I can really appreciate these!

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  32. Glad you're sticking with the positives, but we think situps are actually a subversive form of self-loathing. http://pickleope.blogspot.com/2010/10/washboard-abs-are-form-of-self-hatred.html

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