Practicing Bird Control

Today, boys and girls, I'm going to talk to you about ... protection.

If you remain unprotected during certain times, well, you're bound to end up with more than you bargained for. Multiple babies. Certainly an inconvenience in your life. And perhaps even ... an unpleasant infestation of mites.

I learned this myself last year, the hard way - mites and all. So I'm smarter now. I know that, even though it can be a a bit of a hassle at times, protection is of utmost importance. Which is why these days, I always use one of these:
Yep, a grill cover. What did you think I was talking about, you pervs? :)

You see, this is our third spring in this house. We've had our grill in the exact same spot since we moved in. And every year around April (that "certain time" I mentioned earlier), this happens:  


There's a little cutout in the side of our grill that's apparently perfect for a family of starlings to pop in and out of. And once they start nesting in there, I haven't got the heart to oust them. (Look here for a picture of some of our grill-babies.) Every year Curtis gripes. Every year I say, "But awwww, Honey, they're just trying to find a safe place for their family." And every year, I've dutifully waited until they've vacated the nest and then scrubbed and disinfected it top-to-bottom so we can actually use our grill for its intended purpose.

Last year, though, was a little different. Because as I was clearing the straw out of the nest, I happened to look down at my arm and noticed hundreds of tiny bugs swarming their way up.

I freaked the eff out. Screaming and dancing and frantically brushing bugs off my arm, yelling, "Liiiiiiiice!" Because I've totally heard that birds can give you lice. I've never had lice in my life and I wasn't about to get it from some skank birds I was just trying to be nice to. So after I got all the bugs off, I ran into the house and Googled it (scalp itching like crazy the whole time because that's just what happens when someone mentions the L-word). And whew! They were bird mites. Not lice. Still gross, but slightly less gross \than the alternative.

Needless to say, though, it was enough of a scare to convince me that we did indeed need protection. So this year, we've wrapped the Char-Broil. Because bird control is a serious matter, y'all.

This blog post can be taken both literally AND as a public service announcement promoting safe sex. So no matter what you came here looking for today, everybody wins! Yeehaw!

Comments

  1. That was hilarious. Thanks for the pick me up.

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  2. David covers the grill every time after he uses it, but we've never had birds try to move into it.

    And the mites thing... that's just gross.

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  3. We don't have use protection. Never knew I needed to. Explains a lot. ;)

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  4. I would have died during the part where the thousands of bugs were swarming up my arm. Just died. Right there on the deck. Seriously. I don't like bugs. Or birds.

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  5. We don't cover our grill either. Maybe we should??

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  6. Yikes! I'm gonna be in class scratching now, imagining bugs all over my arm. Eegads!

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  7. I appreciate the advice for both the grill and the ahem, *grill*.

    This is the last kiddo, protection is of the utmost importance after this one arrives. Thank you ;)

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  8. So glad you used protection this year. We are currently fighting with pair of bird on our front porch. They even knocked the fake snake off the ledge!! Now they are tearing apart my door mat to help build the dang nest. They've got nerve, those birds!

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  9. That does look like a nice home...for birds! My hand started to itch and twitch as soon as I read about the mites crawling up your arm!!

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  10. Oh, I'm glad you posted this for others. WE always use protection. Not because of mites or birds, but because my husband cherishes his unit more than a lot of other things in life. Safety first!

    I should also add that he cooks competitively, so its important to always take care of the goods!

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  11. ACK!!! whenever i hear the L-word, i panic and get all itchy! i used to freak out as a kid (NO SHOCK THERE) when anyone had lice and i would fret and fret that they might glom on to me. HORRORS!!!

    and recently i was driving home and i saw a LICE CLINIC!!! ack! who would want to work there? or near there? full of lice victims. BARF! no thanks! i plan to get through life without ever having lice. oh great. now i've done it. SHIT. why did i write that and tempt fate?!?!?!?

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  12. Hilarious and disgusting all at once. Thank goodness you weren 't permanently damaged by said attack of the mites.

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  13. The pics from last year were adorable... but the bit about the mites have me all creepy crawly scratchy like they're crawling all over me. I just wanted to thank you for the wonderful imagery. *shudder* Three cheers for grill condoms. I hope it works!

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  14. now I wish I could find something to control the japanese cockroaches - shudder.

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  15. I was grilling the today at my parents and wondered to myself if you would have birds again this year! How funny you posted on the same day!

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  16. I'm scratching my head as I write this! Eeeewwww!Glad you're finally "protected." :o)

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