Maid Moron

I'm a neat freak - I love nothing more than a clean house. Unfortunately, I'm a neat freak with my own three-man wrecking crew three boys ages five and under. Which means that I'm like a person who goes out to shovel the driveway during a raging blizzard: I put forth a lot of futile effort. It seems like I'm endlessly cleaning up something, only to find a new mess literally the instant I'm done with the first.

And when that I do get all the clutter conquered, it's usually at like ten o'clock at night. By which point I'm too tired to actually clean - like, dust and mop and stuff - the areas that were buried underneath the clutter, so I vow to do it the next day. But then the next day comes, and my kids inevitably trash the joint the instant they wake up, and the cycle starts over again. Ugh.

Anyway, because Curtis knows we're having company in a few days and I won't get all the cleaning done how much better I feel in a clean house, he gave me an early Christmas present: a cleaning lady. I mean, it's just a one-time deal, but still - someone is coming to clean my house so I don't have to do it. Do y'all know how epic an event this is for me?! I am practically deafened by the Hallelujah chorus!

But the thing is, I've never had someone else do it before. And like ... I'm not exactly sure what to do.

She's coming over tomorrow. Curtis is off, so he'll be able to take the kids. I plan on staying here, because, well ... I don't know this lady. I'm sure she's nice and all, but you can never be too safe (I once had some movers silently empty the contents of my jewelry box before packing it. Little did they know, I don't own a single piece of "real" jewelry other than my wedding ring, which I was wearing on my finger! Karma's a bitch, isn't it dudes? Ahahaha!).


Anyway, so what do I do while she's here? Do I just, like ... sit there and watch TV or something and pretend she isn't even around? Do I make small talk while she cleans? It feels wrong to just sit there and not do anything while she slaves away at the mess. I'd feel like some pampered queen sitting there watching my servants while people feed me grapes and fan me with huge feathers. I mean, you know, minus the grapes and the feathers. And the pampered-ness.

I guess I should be more worried about the fact that my house currently looks like this:

... and that's just the kitchen.

Which means I've got to take care of all that before she even comes over - otherwise she'd just be cleaning around the crap, and what good is that?

Considering I just confiscated some markers and a bottle of pancake syrup from my boys, I may have even bigger messes to worry about. At least it isn't poop ...

... yet.


  1. Okay, I just LOVE that you posted that picture! =) I think we all have rooms that look this way, and if more people posted them, we wouldn't feel SO lazy. =) Or maybe we would, but at least we wouldn't be alone in it.

  2. This may be random, but I really like the size, set up of your kitchen. Just thought I'd let you know.

    That said, I refuse to take a picture of my hosue in its current state because it's terrifying, mortifying and just plain hideously messy. I'm on here reading blogs because I'm overwhelmed at the sheer amounts of things I need to do today, not the least of which is throw away the dirty diapers in the hallway. lady and you being there does equal a little awkward. My sisters both had cleaning ladies for years, they just always made suer there were gone. So therefore, I guess I didn't answer your question at all.

    But yeah, congrats on getting someone to come clean your house. You're lucky indeed. Let us know how it turns out.

  3. As someone who used to clean houses, trust me, I've seen MUCH worse than the pic you posted :) Also, chatting a little is fine, but too much can be distracting, and whether you want to putter around or just sit and relax, she won't care. It's your house, it's her job not to care or to judge. Now this may be just me, but I used to feel unnerved working in the same room where my client was relaxing (scared of disturbing them) and I always appreciated it when they got up and went to another spot while I was cleaning. Just remember, she's probably as freaked out about you as you are about her :D With three boys and a husband I think you deserve to sit back and relax while your cleaning lady does her thing!

  4. Ok, 1) that mess does not even look that bad- where are all your dirty dishes? cereal boxes and cans of food out on the counter?? LOL you are missing some stuff ;) and 2) I had a cleaning lady for a while, and if the mess is big enough (and depending how anal you are about getting it really clean), you could totally just clean along side her, or organize stuff, etc etc. In other words 2 people cleaning is better than one. I used to take advantage of when the maid would come so I could catch up on laundry or ironing. Or to catch up on getting the house de-cluttered. I would make her start in the kitchen so I could get through the other rooms before she did. Sure, its not as nice as sitting around doing nothing - but the end result is SPECTACULAR! Good luck and congrats on the maid ;)

  5. I love my cleaning service - it is a luxury I will not (willingly) give up. Don't worry about small talk and I think it's good that you are there in case they have any questions or you can show them specifically things that you feel need attention.

    And, ah yes, the cleaning before the cleaning people come - my kids still don't understand the concept.

  6. I am one of those that feels generally awkward parked on the couch eating bon bons while the cleaning crew cleans around me. So I tend to have to be gone.

    My neighbor across the street and I use the same cleaning ladies and while I have to be gone, my neighbor cleans alongside them. She gets in where they are and organizes and stashes and sorts and basically declutters while they do the cleaning and such.

    On the other hand, we had a maid when I was a kid. And she was more like family than not. So we'd clean with her - then cook with her. Learn her favorite dishes one week...then teach our favorite dish the next week. When she came, she was there for the day. And we'd chatter at her like we hadn't seen her for years. She did it all, though, washing, ironing, plus all the cleaning. Seems to me, nowadays, someone like that is hard to find.

  7. I've had the same cleaning woman for about 10 years, I think the dogs like her better than me since as far as I can tell she stuff them with milk bones. When she's there I try and work on all the stuff I would never, ever have time to do like clean out the junk drawer, purge a file cabinet, weed the stones, blah, blah, blah. My advice, don't hold her hand.

  8. Lucky you! I swear, having someone come clean your house is better than sex! (Hi, I'm Sarah and I'm OLD.)
    When we had cleaners come (that one time. when I was preggo with #3) I stayed home, but always in a different room. And pretended to look REALLY BUSY.

  9. lucky you! what a fabulous gift!

    i would not recommend chit chatting with her. it will slow her down, and it will set a precedent where she will expect you to be all talky talky if/when she returns.

    i think i would migrate from room to room -- whichever one she wasn't cleaning at the moment!

  10. Awesome gift!
    We actually have a maid service come in regularly only because I was losing my mind. I would clean before we flew up North and 10 days later...I have to clean when I get home because our cavedweller (future brother-in-law) doesn't lift an effin' finger. Seriously he's a 36 year old 17 year old.
    I don't know what to do while the cleaner is there since we're not home when ours are here. ? I say watch tv and enjoy your gift.

  11. I'm SO jealous! That's the one luxury I'd love to have! Years ago, when we had someone to clean the house, I used that time to do laundry, straighten out closets or cabinets, and sort through toyboxes. Enjoy your gift and give Curtis a hug for me!


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