Shake It 'til You Break It

Not actually me. The hair's all wrong.

I have been dying to try Zumba ever since I first heard of it. Problem is, I heard of it like three years ago. But it's a Latin dance workout - and, much like a Brazilian wax, wasn't exactly something I wanted to dive into without some moral support. And I couldn't seem to recruit the moral support.*

*Which may or may not be why I also have never actually had a Brazilian wax.

Until yesterday, when my new neighbor N. - yes, the one to whom I delivered the poo cupcakes - asked me if I wanted to join her at the 5:45 Zumba class.

Um, YES!!! *fist pump* OMGOMGOMG YES!!!

*throat clear* I mean, yeah, that'd be cool.

I was so excited ... seriously. Especially since N. had never been to a Zumba class either and, well, had just as much of a chance as I did of looking like a total stiff-hipped moron. I mean, I might do a bit of swiveling here and there when I play "Just Dance" on my Wii - but I'm no Shakira, people.

I put on my rattiest workout clothes because they're currently the only garments that fit me without creating odd lumps or rolls. (Damn you, holiday hoss-fest.) They're also the only garments that wouldn't betray the fact that immediately after I got out of N.'s car, I was struck by a bubble of gas and had to walk across the parking lot with clenched cheeks, lest some inadvertantly slip out. I was afraid it would, you know, be a little loud and I don't know N. well enough yet to scare her like that.


It was nice to see the variety of people in the class. There were college-aged girls, and there were ladies who looked like they might've gone to high school with Jesus. There were pleasantly plump women and there were chicks who would blow away in a gust of wind. In both categories, I was comfortably in-between.

Thus, I Zumba'ed my in-between ass off. Normally in that kind of situation I'd be mildly self-conscious but seriously? I didn't even care. I just shook it like I was trying to break somethin'. Yeah, so maybe when I jiggled my hips, it set off a ripple effect in the fattier parts of my physique ... but the chick in front of me kept holding her boobs, so I didn't feel bad. Plus I was having a damn good time. Zumba is fun, y'all.

There were only two crappy things about the class: 1.) the back wall was actually a window, where a gaggle of early-teenaged boys gathered to no doubt gawk at the perky little Zumba teacher shaking her perky little moneymaker. After which she proceeded to 2.) break out in hives, which caused her to cut the class like half an hour short.

But still. I had fun. And anyway, I was on the verge of collapse getting a little tired.

After that, I came home and devoured a Jethro Bodine-sized bowl of chili and like eight dozen rolls.

Baby steps, right?



  1. Haha! I did Zumba once or twice a few years ago. I looked every bit as ridiculous as I hoped I wouldn't, but it was really fun! Are you going back for another class?

  2. I love Zumba! It is definitely a shake it until you make it class and I probably spend half the class laughing, at myself and others, but a good workout anyway...and I also devour something I shouldn't after such a workout but hey, at least I did something exercise related.

  3. Hahahahahaha, I'm just immature enough to be laughing at the fact that you had to hold a giant "toot" in around your neighbor, AND you admitted that. Oh how I love thee!

    That said, I fear for the seismac(no idea how to spell that) that would be set off should my ample sized arse be found shaking about in Zumba. Seriously, the room would ripple, tilt and spin with the shear force of my fat jiggle. PLUS, I am the most uncoordinated "dancer" on gods green earth. BUT (total pun intended) I'm so happy you got to try it and you had fun.

  4. Jethro Bodine sized bowl of chili....HA!! Could be the reason for the gas.

  5. My friend is a Zumba instructor, but I still haven't done it. Everyone is definitely talking about it. Now I really want to do it.

  6. Those boys had nothing better to do than watch a bunch of woman shake their moneymakers in a Zumba class. Oh wait totally sounds like something my son will be doing in a few years. I hope you gave them a good show!

  7. I've been wanting to try Zumba, too. Our church has a Zumba group, but they meet at a time when I can't get there. Guess I could do it at home alone (and avoid making a spectacle of myself), but I think it would be more fun with a bunch of us. Right now I'm just trying to work myself up to taking on my Tai Bo routine again!

  8. I've wanted to try it for a while, too! I'm sure the reason that I haven't gotten it yet is also because I was waiting for moral support. Yes, that's it. It has absolutely nothing to do with being lazy.

  9. Ooh Zumba is fun! Makes me feel like I'm at the club. You know, minus the heels, makeup & drink in hand;)

  10. I have a friend (in my old town) who actually teaches zumba - and is always raving about it on facebook. So of course I am dying to try it. My hesitation comes not so much from worrying about what I'd look like (I was a dancer after all), but from the fear that I will collapse halfway through in exhaustion. My cardiovascular fitness ain't all that. SO I'm thinking of trying the Zumba for Wii - all the fun with a convenient couch nearby in case I faint

  11. "There were college-aged girls, and there were ladies who looked like they might've gone to high school with Jesus"
    Seriously! Hilarous!!!

    I, too, have always wanted to Zumba. I've considered buying the workout tapes, but like the Tai Bo ones, I'm sure they would collect dust...

  12. I tried Zumba for the first time last month! I had been wanting to for a long time, but didn't know a lot about it, and I am soooo uncoordinated, I figured we would need an ambulance on stand-by! So, I did as any woman (i. e. neighbor N) would do and talked my friend into going with me! I too was surprised by the wide range of shape, size, and age of the others in attendance. One was actually a teacher I had in high school and is now retired.
    I spent most of the time laughing and saying "dang, I just caught on then you change it!" and "my hips were NOT made to move like causes too much belly jiggle!"
    It was a one hour class, but some left at 30 min and others at 45 min. I made it the whole hour. I figured I wouldn't be able to get out of bed the next day,but was pleasantly surprised how good I felt.
    The lady who had been my teacher in school came up to me after class to talk and I told her I'm sure I looked like a giant clod, but realized I didn't care...she actually said, "well, I thought you had dance training from your high kicks and extension!" I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. I told her, "no, just taekwondo!" So I guess I didn't look as stupid as I thought. That was a Tuesday night, went back Thursday night, then classes were over 'til after Christmas break.
    I am buying the Zumba for our Wii so I can make sure I get it into my schedule, instead of planning my whole week around my only two shots at making the class at 6 pm on Tuesday and Thursday only!
    I have skinny legs, no ass, but do I have a gut on me! If the pain in my hips was any indication, I should have been "Shakiraing" my gut right off!


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