Embarrassing confession time: I am thirty years old and had to Google "how to use a bobby pin."
This is comparable to, like, a dude saying he doesn't know how to use a screwdriver. Or that he really doesn't get football. The ability to use a bobby pin is a skill that, apparently, most girls are born with. Except for me, because my personality is sadly gender-confused. I'm Kate Winslet hocking a loogie off the side of the Titanic. Maybe it's a good thing that I've birthed a gaggle of boys.
I have tried - unsuccessfully - for years to bobby pin my own hair ... but for some reason, I just can't get them to hold it in place. Like my foray into the world of Bumpits, my (mis)use of bobby pins only leads to less-than-flattering hairstyles. Okay, so they're actually straight-up hair fails. But unlike Bumpits, which are a relatively new addition to the arsenal of hair-doing-gadgets, bobby pins have been around since pre-history. I seriously think the cavewomen were using them ... or at least the ancient Egyptians (I mean, they had eyeliner). So, unlike Bumpits, which I don't mind asking for directions to use, my pride has not permitted me to ask how to properly use a bobby pin. Because I should totally know. I'm a girl. And I've had hair for, like, 29 years now.
Seeing as it's holiday party season, all of my magazines are trying to teach me "TEN EASY PARTY UPDOS!" and "PARTY-PRETTY HAIR IN MINUTES!" But when you're me, here's how it goes down:
Step one: pull hair back into a ponytail. (Yay, I got this!)
Step two: twist ponytail and wrap hair around elastic. (Done and done. Now what?)
Step three: secure bun with bobby pins. ( ............ Shit.)
What these magazines are forgetting is that a small percentage of their readership (um, me) are ill-versed in the womanly way of the bobby pin. A tutorial would be greatly appreciated, but apparently it should be second nature.
So yeah. I Googled it. And then scooted far back, lest a hand come out of my computer screen and slap me for not having any common sense.
(Hey, I can't help it. I've got to be at some sort of disadvantage ... my hair looks like this.)
I found more instructions on how to use bobby pins to pick a lock than how to use them in your hair. But there were a couple of decent how-to guides.
Let's just hope my "girl gene" is developed enough to retain the information ...