RIP Pants

My pants died. My favorite pants in the whole world. :(

If I were a seamstress of any sort, I'd probably just patch 'em up and the sun would shine again and my heart could go on. But. You're talking to someone who tried to hem the legs of Colin's first Halloween costume because they were too long and ended up with clamdiggers. Clamdiggers really don't work when it's a cow costume.

Whatever, he didn't know any better.

Anyway, I'm mourning these pants, y'all. They were my favorite. I even dedicated the better part of a blog post to them once. Yeah, I confess: they were maternity pants. And okay, they were ... *whispers* polyester. But they were also THE BEST PANTS IN THE WORLD EVER, HANDS-DOWN.

Let me rephrase that, since "hands down" and "pants" are not usually paired in a G-rated sentence.

They were The Awesome. Stretchy and swingy and black ... like the proverbial "little black dress," versatile and classic. I bought them at Motherhood Maternity for a formal event when I was pregnant with Cameron, but they didn't look maternity. OR polyester. (Well, at least not cheap leisure-suit polyester.) They were just regular black pants with a regular waist. I think at the time I was a little put off by the price, but I ended up getting my money's worth a million times over. I wore them as dress pants, workout pants, pajamas, with a T-shirt and flip-flops, you name it. No matter how huge I got, they fit (dare I say flattered, when everything else looked like I was smuggling a watermelon on each hip) - almost like magic.  And even after I gave birth - and even after I lost 90 pounds - I could still wear them.

I'm not lying when I say that I'm so traumatized by this, I don't even remember how it happened. Whether it was an accidental rip or just an inevitable separation of the seams due to overuse, I'll never know. All I know is, now The Pants show a good four-inch expanse of my (blindingly white) inner thigh. And although I appreciate a good "airing out" as much as the next girl (what? Tell me you don't!), I think people would definitely notice. Plus ... wearing maternity pants is bad enough. Wearing ripped maternity pants is just over-the-edge frump, even for me.

So I guess it's goodbye, sweet Pants. I'll miss the way you so lovingly encased my rear in your polyester perfection. If there's a heaven, we'll surely meet again.

 ... Because there's no way I'm spending eternity in a white robe.

Comments

  1. Oh that is so sad. A couple years ago, I lost my favorite pair of jeans. I am still not over it.

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  2. Perhaps you could take them to the mall and have the seamstress there fix 'em up for you???

    I am sad about your favorite pants. It makes me very sad. And I know exactly what you mean. I have a pair of maternity pants like that. They are pink slacks. With gray pinstripes. That I wore when pregnant with L and having to work in dress clothes every day.

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  3. I have lost two pairs of jeans along the way in the very same fashion. It is so hard! Replacing them isn't something you can do, something you simply have to try to deal with and move on.

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  4. This IS a tragedy of epic proportions. There is truly nothing worse than the death of favorite pants, because replacing is impossible. I'm sorry for your loss, I'll "pray" for you in your time of need! Good luck.

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  5. R.I.P- and now? Go forth and purchase more, several more, pairs of pants in an eternal search for new ones. It will happen again, you will find another pair...
    and remember...you don't move on from life with those pants, you simply adjust to live without those pants.

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  6. Nothing is worse than losing your fav pants, unless it's losing your fav bra. I'll plan a small memorial service when that happens!!

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  7. They were like magic pants. I like a little magic in my pants (TWSS). Just take them to an alterations person and have them stictch up the side. Nobody wants to part with magic pants.

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  8. Oh, there's nothing worse than losing your favorite piece of clothing. The one that you can wear no matter what. Like falling down on the ice and breaking the heel off your favorite leather boots. :(

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  9. Oh no! They were like the jeans from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants! I'm so sorry. I offer my sincerest condolences in your time of grief.

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  10. This is horribly sad, I remember my favorite jeans getting a hole in the knee - it's just not the same after that - you go from cool jeans to ghetto, so I had to say goodbye.

    I'd totally be searching for tailors in your hood.

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  11. Oh no! Not THE PANTS?!! I cry for you, sistah. . . I hope my THE PANTS never die. *sends flowers*

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  12. I have a pair of Pajama pants that I have had FOREVER. In the last two years, my Nana has attempted to salvage them more than 8 times. I've somehow managed to rip the crotch on them 3 times, and a few other times I stepped on the back of them ripping huge holes down near the bottom. I have been told that there will be no more repairing of these horrible-looking, but oh so comfortable. So, now my pants are on hospice and I try to only wear them as my PJ pants every other week. :(

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  13. awww...RIP Pants!! I go through this every year. It totally sucks. Sigh...I get two pairs of jeans a year and by the time next spring comes around, the inner thigh just rips. ugh. Stupid thighs. I'm sorry!

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  14. Sorry about the pants. There's nothing like black, stretchy and swishy. It's just the best.

    I do not sew either. One time I tried to sew on a button and I cried.

    Thank God for my husband, the seamstress.

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  15. I recently lost my favorite jeans the same way...huge hole in the inner thigh/crotch area. So sad. The material was so worn out that it just gave up trying to hold my fat legs in any more. RIP Pants (mine and yours!).

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  16. I can totally relate. The hubster ruined my favorite shirt this past weekend. He washed a whole load of laundry with a pen. And it's all over my favorite shirt! It's about 3 years old so there's not replacing it and we are beyond the hairspray trick. I was so upset when I saw it!

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  17. I loved your "hands down" and "pants" line - too funny. But losing your favorite pants isn't funny. So sorry.

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  18. How sad.

    My favorite pair of jeans died so I feel your pain. It made my ass look NICE and I only paid $15 for them.

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  19. Oh, I am so with you there. I love my lounge pants. They are my wooby. I am truly sorry for your loss.

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  20. Not the pants!!! So sorry for your loss :(

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  21. Oh my gosh I had those same pants!! Love them. Lost them :(

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  22. May you rest in peace, perfect pants. Sigh.

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  23. Dear Lord, they're not dead yet! Don't give up! CPR! 'Tis a flesh wound!

    Seriously though, I've done that to my pants a million times, and by no means am I a "seamstress" but 5 milliseconds on a sewing machine will have those pants as good as new.

    Find a way to fix them! :)

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  24. Oh NO! If the rip is in the seam, though, it can certainly be repaired. If you don't find someone to fix them in Iowa, bring them to Missouri. I know a great seamstress! Taking them out-of-state for a "second opinion" might just give you another year or two with your awesome pants.

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  25. Ack. I have jeans that I live in and love and pet and um, did I mention love? I get it.

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  26. i am raising my cup of coffee to the great pair of pants that was...

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  27. this is tragic. girl, i feel your pain. who says you can't love inanimate objects? i have shed many a tear (literally? probably) for clothes and shoes that have have passed away. sometimes one really does wonder what they will do without their old stand bys. wah. i hope you find a suitable replacement pair of pants, and SOON. sigh. it isn't easy. i really isn't!

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  28. Lady ... I get it! I just want you to know that I feel your pain- the loss of a good pair of pants is trauma at its worst ...

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  29. oh no!! I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel!!! some clothes are just too perfect to ever have to part with. oiy. so sorry.

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  30. As soon as I saw the title of this blog, I knew which pair of pants it was going to be about. I remember your blog 'o praise for these guys and ever since then, I've thought, "I have GOT to get those pants when I get pregnant." So sorry for you loss!

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  31. what?!! no one commented on the "airing out" part - it was HANDS DOWN my favorite part!

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  32. This is HYSTERICAL!! I LOVE THIS - I love your pants and I will be forever searching for pants like this!!!

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