Crack and the Beanstalk

The other day Cameron, my almost-three-year-old, came running excitedly into the kitchen and stood beside me ... with one hand rooted deep in the back of his underwear.

"Cameron. Get your hand out of your pants," I instructed him, as I do approximately 1,337,256 times a day.

"But I have a magic bean in my buttcrack!"

Uh ... you have a what?

"A magic bean, Mommy," he insisted. "In my buttcrack."

When your kid tells you there's something in his buttcrack, you're kind of obligated to look, as much as you don't want to. Especially when that something is being described as a magic bean. Soooo, I had Cameron bend over, and I peeped tentatively into his Spiderman-printed briefs.

Sure enough, there was something lodged in his crack. Something small, white, and rounded. WTF?

Dutifully, I removed the so-called "magic bean." Turns out it was neither a bean nor magic, but only a piece of eraser from a mechanical pencil.

I was a little disappointed. I did all that digging for nothing.

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  1. This is EXACTLY why I'm worried about having kids, and adopting them no less. I'm pretty sure doing something like that might get them removed from the home if they aren't yours, and even if they are!

    I swear I won't call DHS. Now send me that check.

    Also, don't smell that eraser.

  2. HA! that is hysterical. thanks :)

  3. I would just like to know, where kids get the idea that it is a good idea to stick things up their butts.

    I mean, isn't that an idea for college?


  4. bwahahahaha!!! Holy crap (oh, no pun intended) that is the funniest thing ever!! Oh boys!!! My boys always, ALWAYS, have their hand (or hands) down their pants. What's the deal??? And a "magic bean" that is priceless!!

  5. That is hilarious! I wanted to tell you thank you for your encouraging words about my son William. He also is three, so I can relate completely with your story right down to the spiderman undies!

  6. @ Jen- LMAO!
    Oh- the joys of parenting. It is such a glamorous profession.

  7. It is always such a relief when I realize that other people also have normal children.

  8. bwahhhh - thank you, thank you for making me feel like my life is not so abnormal

  9. Boys and their buttcracks! You can never tell what kind of story they're going to come up with. At least Cam has a good imagination. ;o)

  10. Oh my god, Rita. You couldn't make this stuff up. A magic bean? I love this kid.

  11. OMG. Rita, this CRACKED ME UP. The imagery was brilliant.

  12. Love this! Thanks for sharing!


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