Sexy, Schmexy

So as part of my (and everybody else's) annual resolution to be more fit, I subscribed to a few women's health and fitness magazines. A chick named Brooke Burke was on the cover of this month's Shape. Now, I don't know much about Brooke Burke except that she's married to David Charvet (from Baywatch, right?) and I think she used to have some travel show on E! or something.


Anyway. My point is. This Brooke Burke chick is rocking a tankini on the cover of Shape, abs all toned, that long inner thigh muscle flexing. In her interview, she goes into what she eats, and how she takes care of herself, and everything else you'd expect from such an article. But then she starts talking about how "sexy" is all about feeling comfortable in your own skin.

And she's right. It is.

If you're posing on the cover of a women's mag.

Have you ever noticed who tells us things like "sexy is a state of mind?" ... Yeah. Pretty, toned women. Successful women. And sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I could slap the veneers right off their teeth as they beam whitely at me from their glossy magazine pages.

These women have access to the best skincare, the best makeup, the best clothes, the best personal trainers and dieticians. They have people to clean their house and watch their kids. They don't have to worry about money - or at least, not nearly as much as the average person.

Me, and many other women I know? We go without a trim for a year and a half because our sons' monthly haircuts cost so damn much. We use drugstore makeup that little fingers have put smudges through. We go for embarrassingly long stretches without removing body hair because we don't have much of an opportunity to shower, let alone shave. We spend an hour sitting on the closet floor feeling like crap because everything we own either makes us look fat or is out of style.We have lingerie in our underwear drawers that used to fit before three kids sagged and bagged and stretchmarked us and we can't do anything about it because who has the money for all this plastic surgery or the time to recover from it for that matter and oh yeah, there's still the matter of that pesky 40 pounds standing between us and that lingerie.

... Or is that just me?

Anyway, give these sage-advice-dispensing divas those conditions for a while, and let them see how sexy they feel. Deprive them of valuable "me" time by making them clean their own houses, do their own laundry, watch their own kids, cook their own meals. Limit their budgets. Limit their Botox and lipo sessions. Then let them define "sexy."

My state of mind is supposed to magically transcend the fact that I'm sagging everywhere, in desperate need of a manicure and a trim, and crusted with peanut butter and boogers?

I don't think so.

21 comments:

  1. How right you are! It's easy to tell someone else how to be something when you don't have to do it yourself. It's annoying. People can say, "make time" but then I guess we're not supposed to sleep. They may tell me that instead of blogging I should be working out or giving myself a pedicure or showering but then I wouldn't have anyone to hear me complain.
    LYLASPlus.com
    LYLASandCo.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. She has bad hair and her forehead is too big. That and they probably airbrushed the hell out of her inner thigh.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Again, hit the nail RIGHT on the head with that one. I actually ripped a hole in one of my three pairs of jeans that "fit" me this morning. You are so not alone. I hate that fucking lingerie in my top drawer. Good reality check! Those models are nothing like us real women.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is great! :-) I don't even have kids yet, but I work more than full-time and still take care of the home. Yesterday I got up at 6:30, went to bed at 11:30 and stopped for about 20 minutes in between to have a relaxing lunch with my coworker. WHEW! And that's a better night of sleep than most. Hairbrush? What's that? I can only imagine that with kids, haha. Thanks for the laugh. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. What? You don't KNOW Brooke Burke? She won Dancing with the Stars, she now co-hosts it. What is wrong with you? Clearly not enough reality TV watching for you. hehehehehehehe
    Oh, AND, she totally bugs me.

    This is a fabulous post on every level. And I'm glad you were able to get your irritation out. We all gots the fat, the sags, the bags and the frustrations. But, in a strange twist of fate, my lingerie actually FITS me now, as opposed to when I got married. hahahahahaha

    ReplyDelete
  6. You are too funny! And brutally honest! I feel the same way!

    ReplyDelete
  7. HAHAHA...love it! You are so right. And don't forget, they probably air brushed the heck out of that photo! Beotch!

    ReplyDelete
  8. It wouldn't be too hard to feel sexy in her skin- she's gorgeous. We all have to find other ways to feel good about ourselves- like through wine, chocolate and trashy novels. BTW, I haven't showered today, I am wearing the same outfit that I did yesterday (I even slept in the shirt) and my house is trashed. I am feeling ALL KINDS of sexy right now.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Good lord woman I so related to this post! And when I say I related to it, I meant from Brooke Burke's angle.

    HA! NOT!

    Let's just say I ran this morning at 5:30 a.m. It's not almost 2 p.m. and I STILL haven't showered. Also, despite the running, my thighs look NOTHING like hers. I'm sure there's a muscle there somewhere, you know, under all the cellulite!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Love this!!! I also want to point out that Brooke (who I can't believe your husband has never mentioned because every guy I know was in love with her when she hosted Wild On on E!) has also been airbrushed in all her photos so she doesn't even look that good.

    ReplyDelete
  11. They may have people training them, telling them what foods to eat, doing their hair and their makeup and then airbrushing the hell out of every photograph that ever comes into contact with the public. But to play Devil's Advocate here, all of that, while they may be used to it, wreaks havoc on a person. To say they are less than human because they are beautiful (in society's eye) isn't right. In fact, the percentage of models/dancers/actresses that end up with eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder BECAUSE of all the scrutiny they receive is absolutely astounding.

    On the other side of the coin, it's 4pm and I have yet to shower today. But the laundry and dishes are done, the kids have clean diapers.. oh. Scratch that. ONE of them has a clean diaper. Homework is done and everyone is quiet for the moment.

    I may not feel sexy right now, but I can say that my accomplishments are more than because I'm "just another pretty face." =)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hell to the yeah!!! You put one of those pampered bitties in my shoes (which are actually slippers!) and their sexy story would a slightly different note!! I'm all for looking my best...but if I had all the stuff that they have at their disposal...I would be the one on that cover singing my own sweet praises!!

    Whew... you really got me riled up. Anyway, I found you via twitter. I have 4 dudes of my own...and I love meeting other mamas of boys..ya know compare notes, tricks, scars! All that jazz!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Amen to that! I loved this post! LOVED it! You wrote it like it is, heck, even for woman like me who haven't had kids, we still have bills to pay, no nutritionist, no personal trainer, no TIME... Every day woman have more concerns and little energy at the end of the day. Thank you for writing this - THE TRUTH!

    ReplyDelete
  14. So true! And my good lingerie? It still fits because it's stretched about two sizes bigger than when I bought it! ;o)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh I love you. I really, really love you. I look at her and want to scream because first, I have no boobs and no money to buy any. Then there are her legs. And her hair. And her ability to purchase yummy foods beyond Spaghetti O's and Rice Krispies. Yes, I am jealous. I blame HER!

    ReplyDelete
  16. It's like you took the words right from my brain! Love your blog, don't change a thing!

    ReplyDelete
  17. AMEN! I love this post! I just watch an interview with Jessica Alba who said she works out 6 hours a day...SIX. HOURS. A. DAY. Normal women can never live up to that standard and I'm tired of trying.

    ReplyDelete
  18. AMEN SISTER! You are too right. It's not hard to look sexy when your only job is to look the part. AND you have a stylist to make you look the part.

    Must be friggin' nice...

    ReplyDelete
  19. Yeah. Just yeah. I know sexy is a state of mind but sometimes my mind is in another state.

    ReplyDelete

Commenting makes you big and strong! Okay, maybe just strong. Okay, so it's only your fingers. But still ...

Sharethis

Blog Widget by LinkWithin