Temporary Insanity

We're four days into the new year, or what I like to call the "What Was I Thinking?" period. Because during this time, I question my motives, my willpower, and my sanity. For example: I was just going through some pictures from my blog and I came across a photo of my turdlike peanut butter balls. Even though they may have looked like something that came from a woodland animal's rear end, they were damn tasty. And I looked longingly at that photo, as I sat here drinking my water and eating on my apple slices - part of my annual "Oh-my-Lord-get-these-holiday-pounds-off-of-my-thighs" January diet regimen. I began to wonder, "What was I thinking? Can I really forgo such yummy treats in favor of things that are high in fiber and low in processed carbs?"

In, like, March I will ask myself that one final time before making a batch of peanut butter balls and stuffing every one of them in my face. Rapidly.

But it's too early for all that now, so I guess I'll just stick to my apple slices. Fruit: it's nature's candy.*

*And by "candy" I mean "the closest thing you get to dessert when you're trying to diet, so munch on that, fatty." 

Anyway, the diet isn't the only thing I'm questioning. I'm also beginning to wonder what the hell I was thinking when I purchased several of my children's Christmas presents.

I don't know about your kids, but mine - especially Colin, my oldest - will get "into" one certain thing and become completely obsessed with it for a period of time. Right now, Colin is into bugs. So when I was shopping for his Christmas gifts and found a big tube of, like, two dozen assorted lifelike bugs, all I could think was, "Wow! Colin will freak out!" I got so excited, thinking about how his eyes would light up and he'd be so happy with his gift and I'd be the coolest mom ever. So of course, I bought the bugs. Call it a kind of holiday-induced insanity that temporary blinds even the most forward-thinking parents.

Right now, nearly two weeks later? I'm a little bit unhappy with my decision. Because I am constantly being not-so-pleasantly surprised by glimpses of this:

... and this:

I've tried to prepare myself. I've tried to be all rational, like, "Rita, if you see a bug, it's just one of the fake ones lying around." But it doesn't work apparently, because these plastic vermin are continually scaring the bejesus outta me. It doesn't help that the kids move them, and leave them in random places. And what's worse? I keep worrying that someday I'll see a real bug, think it's fake, and pick it up or something.


I guess it could've been worse. I could've bought him rubber rats.


  1. We have a rubber rat in our office. The secretary bought it a couple of years ago on Halloween to scare the boss.

    It worked.

    He almost fired us all.

  2. I saw that tube and wamted to get it for my nephews but, then thought about is I wanted their mothers to hate me or not.

  3. GROSS. And just to warn you: My brother used to put this lifelike roach on top of a can in the pantry. My mom would reach for it, and we'd hear a bloodcurdling scream. This happened multiple times. So you might want to give your canned goods a cursory glance every now and then...

  4. I just want to comment about a rubber pussy and how that would probably have been WAY cooler. Can I do that? Is that legal?

  5. Ohmygosh I would be so scared I'd pick one up, too!!! I'm a major bug-a-phobe!!! Those things look WAY real, too!! Did he love them, though?

  6. Legos. Who the hell decided to make them small and clear. They jam into the bottom of your foot and thats the end of good for the rest of the day.

  7. All the experts say to slowly eat treats, and make sure to savor and enjoy them, so that you don't eat too many when you feel like you're "cheating". This may or may not help you, but it's worth a shot!

  8. OMG, I'm SO glad you didn't buy rubber rats! I'd never be able to visit your house again! I'll come over and pick up the bugs, though. ;o)

  9. GACK! the horror! what were you thinking?! lol i hope they all disappear soon never to reappear again! ugh!

  10. Ok, those plastic bugs would freak me out too. Just imagine if your kids get creative, tie a string to it (that you couldn't see) and moved the bug when you saw it!

  11. My son has plastic bugs that never fail to freak me out. *Shudders*

  12. First and foremost, THAT is gross. I think I would go into cardiac arrest at least 500 times a day..

    Second, I think we have the same dining room chairs. ;)

  13. Those bugs look way too real! What were you thinking?!


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