That Wasn't Chocolate

That's it. I've got to figure out a way to refrain from going to the bathroom during my children's waking hours. Maybe I'll just resort to wearing adult diapers around all day. Because seriously? I'd probably rather do that than deal with the fiascos that aaaaalways seem to happen when I take a minute for a potty break.

I thought I had a clear window this morning. Curtis was taking Colin to school, and Cameron and Coby had just finished their breakfasts. I turned on the TV for them, and since they seemed occupied, I thought it was the perfect time to slip off for a little rendezvous with the loo.

But as usual ... I was wrong.

When I came out (less than two minutes later), I could see Coby at the end of the hallway. In one hand, he clutched his sippy cup. The other hand appeared empty ... but he was making a horrible face, and spitting as though he'd eaten something nasty: "Pfffffth. Pffffffthhh."

I walked toward him, my steps slowing out of sheer dread. What was he chewing? And was that ... a blob of something on his upper lip?

Sure enough, it was a blob. A brown blob. And wait - was that a brown smear on the side of his head? And another on his stomach ... and another on his ankle?

Please God please let it be chocolate, I prayed silently, thinking of the M&Ms the kids were eating last night. It was totally possible that Coby had found a few stray ones on the floor, and you know how babies are when they eat chocolate.

But then? I got close enough to smell him.

And that? Wasn't chocolate.

... Unless it was, you know, the recycled kind.

Apparently the little guy had been doing some diaper-diving. I swear he wasn't poopy when I left the room, which means that within a span of about a minute and a half, he had taken a massive dump ... and then sampled the goods. (*gag*) Which cinches it: I've gotta quit going to the bathroom. Because when I do, horrible, nightmare-inducing things happen.

Coby wasn't too happy when I scrubbed him down, but he didn't complain at all when I cleaned out his mouth.

Maybe there's hope for the kid after all.


  1. Gross. All I could think was Shitty Shitty Bang Bang. ?? :)

  2. That is the single grossest thing I've ever read. Ever. You win, darlin. You win.

  3. I used to pile the kids in the bathroom with me and give them a magazine to look at!

  4. Oh for the LOVE! You really do take the cake on the grossness happening around there. WOWZA! I guess I take totally for granted the poop free happenings while I steal off to the toity. Sorry girl. Just SORRY!

  5. This will be a story for his girlfriends when he's in high school LOL. So sorry, girl :|

  6. Rae has a point! Who needs privacy when poop takes over?

  7. OMG! I think I would have been running back to the bathroom. Why do kids get into everything the moment you go to the bathroom or start talking on the phone?

  8. Oh I am so sorry! I'm not sure if I feel worse for him or you!

  9. Oh you poor thing. Too bad you can't remember this for when you're 80 with Alzeimer's so you can get some payback.

  10. Ewwww...........!!! I've got a one and a half year old who follows me to the bathroom, it was starting to annoy I'm thinking that I prefer that, at least I can see what he's doing!

    Hope your day gets better from here.

  11. That's why I always had a bathroom full of kids when I went. I'd rather sacrifice my privacy than to encounter something like that! I'll bet he won't try that again, though. ;o)

  12. OMGosh!!! That's so frickin' funny. I'm crying, I'm laughing so hard! Kids are so freakin' gross!! What is it with boys and having their hands down their pants??!!!

  13. b/c you are hilariously awesome I've awarded you the Stylish Blogger Award! You can check it out here Participate if you have the time (b/c we have so much FREE time!hahaha)


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